Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Ask Mr PartsGuy

So, a few more people have decided to bring their burning questions to me, the PartsGuy, and my crack (or is that cracked?) PartsGuy Research Staff for the answers they need. Sadly, I have much to cover today, plus, only one of the questions was legible, so here it is:

From Sick O'Waiting, from lovely Passaic, NJ;

Dear Mr PartsGuy:

My lovely GF is damned near FLAWLESS, except for one minor flaw. If we go to the grocery store, it takes her FOREVER to get the stuff she wants, and get out, whereas if I go myself, it takes roughly 15 minutes.

My question is: Is there any way I can get her to speed up the process??


Dear Mr O'Waiting:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
(deep breath)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Err, umm, sorry.

Ahem.

Your GF's, shall we say, glacial progress in the grocery store, actually, any store at all, is genetically imprinted. You'd have better luck shaving a yak during the rut. Shaving the yak would probably be a lot less painful too.

The bottom line here is: Do you wish to see her naked ever again? Then do what every man has had to do: Suck it up, and try to go to your happy place. Think CAMPING.



Which brings us to our next subject to cover.

Your humble PartsGuy has become slightly enamored of camping. I rather enjoy the silence, and not having anything important to do other than set up the campsite. To that end, I splurged and got a tent off Amazon.com for 44 bucks. Sweet.

Speaking of Amazon, I recently discovered that my Wish List there is still active. Sweet. I've now added some junk to it, mostly videogames because I've yet to grow up. As I've said before, I've tried maturity, and frankly, I don't recommend it. I'm not going to publish it, though I may in the future.


Today I went with the NEEG to Gander Mountain because she wanted to buy a compass. Now, getting me to go to Gander is about as difficult as convincing me to eat a Porterhouse steak.

In other words, it's easy as pie. I can happily wander around Gander for hours. Today was no different. I found 3 guns I'd like to have, some cool camping stuff, and a nice Arctic Cat ATV.

I'm here to tell you, if I had my jetski paid off, I'd be getting an ATV. There's an awesome trail about 10 minutes from Stately PartsGuy Manor. Goes for miles and miles, plus there's other places not too far from here either.

As I was drooling over scoping out the ATVs, a familar face walked by. I called out her name, and damned if it wasn't her! 'Twas an old friend's ex-wife, who I hadn't seen in about 10 years or so.

Happily, she's doing well, and it turns out the old friend has cleaned up his act a wee bit, which is a good thing indeed.


The jetski was taken out last week for its maiden voyage. All went well, except for the fact that I'm a wee bit heavy for the machine, which I hope to remedy this year.

She's a wee bit tippy, and if you're not giving her the respect she deserves, into the drink you go. Don't ask me how I know this.

I need to get back into shape so getting back on isn't such a daunting task.

She's a bit slow to get on plane, but when she does, WOW! Off you go like a scalded cat! I plan on doing a GPS run to see how fast the beast actually goes.

I'm thinking such a wondrous beast deserves a name that suits her. I'm open to suggestions.


And last, but not least, I'm in the middle of developing something called "Embracing Your Inner Og". It'll be a self help thing for men, only done PartsGuy style. Look for it in the near future.


As always, may the Bluebird Of Happiness crap on your car.






















Thursday, June 22, 2006

Stuff.

So, the other weekend, your humble PartsGuy was invited to go camping. Now, my usual idea of roughing it is a hotel with no pool, so actually sleeping where there's no electricity is something I usually don't partake in.

What a damned fool I've been.

It's been a long time since I've been that relaxed, unless I was at my buddy's house about 1/2 hour out of town. Wow.

We camped out in the travel trailer my buddy's mother had given him. Wasn't as bad as I thought, though I think those trailers are designed for people who're a bit less portly than I.

Anyways.

It rained a great deal of the time we were there, but I'd brought plenty of reading material, so no big deal. Amazing how getting away from the noise and hustle brought such peace.

Now I'm thinking about getting a motorhome. Sigh.

I'm gonna start out small, and get a tent and air mattress, see if I really am up for the motorhome thing. If so, after the 'ski gets paid off, I'll look around a lil bit.

Speaking of the 'ski, went over yesterday, put the numbers on, dumped in some gas and fired it up. Took a couple tires, but she fired up. Now I just gotta put on a flushing kit so I can run it on the hose and make sure everything's tip-top before I go for a ride.


So, in summary, I need to go get a second job to buy all the toys I wanna get!! Urgh.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Interesting place to go babewatching.

So, anyways.

NEEG decided she needed to go to the local Organic grocery place and get some bizarre noodle type concoction for lunches at work. Being one who believes that new experiences are a good thing, I went along.

She picks up this noodle thing, and says " look at this. " It's Chicken Sesame, or something of that nature, and it's VEGETARIAN. Ain't that something? I'm gonna take a wild stab at it, and place its taste somewhere between vile and disgusting.

So, while she's putzing around trying to figure out what to have for dinner, I happened to notice something. There were a LOT of very attractive ladies. Also, as it's a bit warm out, said ladies weren't wearing very much.

Your humble correspondent VERY much likes summertime.

So, here stands your humble PartsGuy, in a store FULL of people whose beliefs are about the exact opposite of mine. I was half tempted to yell "I VOTED FOR BUSH BOTH TIMES!!!!" just to see what would happen.

While I was there, I discovered they actually carried MEAT. As a cynical bastard who expects anyplace called the Whole Foods Co-op to have 800 different kinds of granola, veggie burgers up the ol' wazoo,and 15 thousand stinky hippies, this was nothing short of a religious experience.

So, I cleaned up the 'ol Foreman grill, tossed one on.

Wow. I was astonished by the taste. Awesome. I'd picked up some grassfed beef, sold by www.thousandhillscattleco. No chemicals, preservatives, or anything. Try it. Good stuff.


I was gonna write some funny stuff about playing pranks on telemarketers, but I think I'll save that for another time.