My World...(your deity here) help you

An email I got.

2010-05-23T15:27:00.001-07:00

Got this in an email. I think it's true.

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it,
or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

I thought this was hilarious but incredibly true!

Here I am again!!

2010-05-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

So.

My good buddy, who prefers to go by the name The Watcher said I should write more than I do, which could be charitably termed as 'rarely'.

I've not been as irritated with the world as of late, though there's trouble a'plenty going on all over(see Washington, D.C. )

Has funny stuff been happening? Oh yeah.

I acquired a new toy to play with, an '85 Dodge Ramcharger. I suspect plenty of bumps, bruises, and other assorted merriment in my future.

So, I suggest you stay tuned, as I try to get back into the swing of potty jokes, snide remarks, and other forms of amusement.

2009-12-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

Greetings and salutations!!(or something like that)

Yeah, I decided to post another rant. I'm some kind of pissed off, and I might as well use my lil blog to get some stuff off my chest before I have a stroke.

First off, Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods= Scum. Somebody needs to kick his ass from one side of FL to the other. My GOD! "transgressions"? Spoiled asshole is what he is. I hope his wife goes Lorena Bobbitt on his ass. Barring that, forget the golf clubs and get a Louisville Slugger instead.

What a pig.

Now, something a little closer to home.

From the Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel:

"Gov. Jim Doyle appointed state Rep. Gary Sherman, D-Port Wing, to a seat on an appeals court Friday."

Hmm. Why would this piss off your humble scribe to no end, you may wonder?

"Sherman proved a close ally of Doyle’s in 2005 when he declined to provided a key vote to override the governor's veto of a bill that would have allowed people to carry concealed guns. Sherman initially voted for the concealed weapons bill, but not the veto override, which failed by one vote."

THIS.

Rep Sherman(notice I left off the Honorable salutation, as he's anything but);

You filthy bastard.

How do you sleep at night knowing you sold out the people who put you in office, for a nice little treat from your master?

Is it worth being Doyle's little lapdog? Sit up!! Sit up!! Speak!!

I'm going to write more on this when I'm not completely furious. Stay tuned.

New stuff.

2009-08-09T07:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's been a really long time since I wrote anything here with any sort of frequency. Sorry bout dat.

There's a couple things I'd like to comment on, one being Sarah Palin stepping down as Gov. of Alaska, and this whole Cash For Clunkers mess.

First off, Sarah Palin.

I'll say I was surprised that she'd step down from the Governor's post before her term was over. Lots of people are saying this would ruin her chances at a run for President in 2012.

Know what? I don't think she cares.

I think she's had about 3 quarts more than enough of being the Liberals' favorite target of hostility. Refer back to Horseface, err, John Kerry's comment after the disappearance of SC Governor Mark Sanford.

In case you've forgotten: "Too bad if a governor had to go missing it couldn’t have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin.’’

Yeah, whatever, Horseface. Go find another rich widow to marry or something. What amazes me is that you think you actually matter. Do yourself, and the state of Mass. a favor, and STFU.

Then she gets that dipshit Letterman making jokes about her daughter. Recall, if you will:

"The CBS funnyman(their words, not mine) joked of Palin's recent New York visit that "during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez" "

Yeah, that's just classy, innit?

You know, if that was my daughter, I'd be on a plane out to NY to beat his ass.

I could go on and on about this, including that towering intellectual Matt Damon's attack on her during the campaign, but nah. You get the point.

Maybe instead of praying that California has that big earthquake and falls into the ocean, we should pray for MA to fall into the ocean instead.

I'd be hard pressed to shed a tear.

Now, Cash For Clunkers.

I'll start off by saying I'm sorta biased, considering my day job.

This last week, I was out visiting PartsBro in an undisclosed location. PartsBro was considering a different vehicle to replace his Chevy pickup. Why is beyond me, but hey, his money.

Anyway, he'd gone to some website, and plugged in his vehicle to see which ones would qualify for the $4500. The only vehicle that his truck qualified him for? A Hummer H3T. Seriously.

Not the Jeep Wrangler he was looking at, though, even though it got better MPG than the H3T.

Now, this whole rebate thing strikes me as wrong. Why, besides the expense of the program?

The automotive aftermarket has been recycling car parts for DECADES. So, if you take a bunch of potential sources of parts and crush them, not allowing any parts to be removed, then the supply of materials dwindles, pushing the prices of what's left up. Simple supply and demand. I'm thinking the morons in DC didn't consider this.

So, as the aftermarket manufacturers' costs go up, the cost of their product increases. This causes the retailer's price to go up, which causes the end user( i.e. YOU) to pay higher prices.

Also, you're taking vehicles off the market that would sell at the lower end of the spectrum, thus driving the price of what's left up.

There's more reasons, but I'll just leave it at that.

2009-05-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I haven't posted anything in a while. That's about par for me.

However, I have a lil thing I'd like to rant 'n rave about, so here I am.

Now, I don't know about your state, but in WI, instead of food stamps, they give you an EBT card for your allotment. I have no problem with this, as I'm not opposed to helping people out during a tough stretch.

What DOES piss me off, is seeing my tax dollars going to this program, and having the people who use it, use it to buy freaking junk food.

I'm standing in line at the grocery store the other day with my chunk 'o ground beef to make tacos(yummy, BTW).

This kid in front of me, dressed up in some idiotic rap star style jacket and a sideways cocked hat goes to pay for his stuff with one of these things, and it doesn't take for some reason. Whatever, I'm in no hurry. So he scampers off to call someone to find out why it isn't working, so the clerk pushes his stuff to one side so we can get rung out. so, me being curious, I scoped out his order.

Case of pop, ice cream, and a bunch of candy bars. That's it.

No milk, eggs, meat or cheese. Just junk food.

I have no idea about what you may think, but personally, I am SICK of this. This asshole can afford a fancy jacket and hat, but relies on the working people of WI to feed his junk food habit?

I say HELL NO!

To this end, I plan on writing my state reps and raising holy hell on the issue. Your tax money should be going to insure these people who need help are properly fed, and not eating junk.

I urge you to do the same.

Stuff that irks me lately.

2009-02-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

So, I guess the Oscars were handed out not too long ago. I didn't watch, because frankly, I don't really give a damn. I guess Heath Ledger managed to win one. I think it was ~~"Best Performance Award Posthumously Given To A Dumbass Cokehead"~~ Best Supporting Actor or somesuch.

I guess Jennifer Aniston presented an award, and was cool even though Brad Shitt, errr, PITT, was sitting in the front with Angelina Jolie.

I usually don't care about Hollyweird actors very much. In my opinion, most of them would be hard pressed to find useful work were Hollywood to quit making movies. Of course, that moron Matt Damon could always find work as a political commentator, due to his astute political analysis. (snicker)

Anyway, as a man, I think Pitt is an amoral pig, and undeserving to be called a man. So Brad, screw you.

Aside to Ms. Aniston: should you tire of that John Mayer guy, feel free to gimme a call.

Anyway, I just have one more observation: Is it just me, or has Rachel Ray put on some weight? Looks pretty good. Yum-o, indeed.

I'd write more, but I'm beat.

Here comes the gun grabbing.

2009-02-04T17:36:00.000-08:00

From OpenCongress.com :

Blair Holt's Firearm Licensing and Record of Sale Act of 2009

To provide for the implementation of a system of licensing for purchasers of certain firearms and for a record of sale system for those firearms, and for other purposes.

If you have any brains, the part that says "and for other purposes" should be setting off alarm bells!!

Call your Congresscritter and inform him that this bill is bad news and should be shot down immediately.

Gun laws keep guns out of the hands of law-abiding citizens, not criminals. For proof that firearms confiscation doesn't work, look over the Atlantic to Britain. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Here's another way to look at it: If these fools manage to gut the Second Amendment, what's keeping them from attacking the others??

Again, i implore you to call your Congressman and tell him to vote against H.R. 45 should it actually make it out of committee.

More food for thought: Why would our government want to disarm us?

Think about it.

I'm back!!

2009-01-28T17:05:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so I finally remembered my password for this thing. Woohoo.

I'm not feeling too hot tonight, so I won't write anything lengthy today. I managed to get an infection on my hand. Damned dry skin.

Don't worry, I'll be back very soon with more grumpiness, weirdness, and lame attempts at comedy.

In which your humble scribe gets inked.

2008-03-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so the combined ~~thieving rat bastards~~ governments of the state of WI and the Feds decided they'd gimme some of my tax money back. I thought this rather nice of them.

For a while now, I'd been debating getting a tattoo of something, just because. I wasn't gonna run out and get just anything, this is something I'm gonna carry for the rest of my life. Tribal stuff just isn't my thing, plus it's sorta overdone anyway.

So, I was bored one night, and I don't remember how, but I came across a picture of Snoopy doing the Snoopy Dance. "Aha!!" said I, "that would be a cool idea for a tattoo!" I then went back to ~~surfing for porn~~ looking for educational materials, and spaced it.

I was over at a buddy's house, talking to his GF, and the subject came up again. I said that I was thinking about the Snoopy thing, and next thing I know, we're saddling up and heading to the shop to get Snoopy inked into my arm.

For those of you who're wondering WTF I'm talking about, this is the Snoopy Dance:

Pretty cool, and a pretty good representation of my personality since getting my life into some semblance of order.

So, I get the location all figured out, and then wait for the artist to get ready.

He calls me back to his station and we get things situated, then off to work we go. It's kinda hard to describe the feeling. Did it hurt? Yeah, a lil bit at first, but not too badly. The artist reminded me a couple times that we could take a break anytime, but I didn't need one, so it was done in one shot, about 1/2 hour or so. Turned out great. Women seem to like it a lot, which is good, 'cause when you're fat 'n ugly like I am, ya need every advantage you can get!

I should probably show ya a picture of the end result. Here you go:

All in all, it was an interesting experience. Will I get another one? Who knows. As of now, I don't have any ideas anyway.

I'm baaaaaaack!!

2008-03-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I haven't blogged anywhere NEAR about like I said I was gonna. Pretty typical for me. Here's but a lil bit of what's been going on.

The main thing that's happened is that I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. I had a sleep study done, which was a really interesting thing to go through. Anyway, what happens is, you basically show up at the hospital around 9 PMish with your pillow, they sign you in, drag you to the sleep lab, and then the fun starts.

What happens is, you get yourself ready for bed, in your jammies or whatever, and then they wire you up with like, 30 different sensors. I gotta tell you, you haven't lived until you've sat in your jockey shorts and been wired up with more sensors than a '93 Buick. At least the lady doing the wiring up part was nice looking. I definitely got the better end of that deal. The room they put me in wasn't too horrible, I had cable TV and a decent bed. I tried convincing them I'd sleep a LOT better if I had a cute 'lil brunette to cuddle up with, but they weren't having any of that. Damn it.

I'm here to tell you, for what it cost to have that test done, one could have gone to Vegas for a weekend and had one hell of a good time.

So, they let me head off to sleep, which ain't easy to do when you're wired up. If you ever go through this, let me offer a wee bit of advice: If they offer you a sleeping pill, TAKE IT. Going to the bathroom was an experience too: it required me to be unhooked, and then off to my own lil potty, then getting hooked back up and back to sleep.

Later that night, they hooked me up to a CPAP machine, and tried that to see what'd happen. Wasn't too bad.

So, the test runs the rest of the night. Cool. About a week or so later, I head back to the sleepy doctor(my name for him)to find out WTF. I wasn't too surprised to find out that I had apnea, but what really shocked me was the fact that in a 6.5 or so hour period, I'd stopped breathing over 120 times. Yikes! says I. So, I get my very own BiPap machine, which helps me breathe, and therefore, actually get a decent night's sleep. Yay!

So, after the paperwork bullshit gets shuffled, I head to the medical place to pick up my machine, and an over the nose mask. I head back home, and come bedtime, I hook up this wonder machine, and off to dreamland I go.

WOW!!!

I woke up the next morning, completely rested for a change. Holy energy spike!!

So, after about a week or so, I gotta head back to the sleepy doctor after spending a couple nights hooked up to a portable oximeter to see how the oxygen levels are doing. Unfortunately, even with the BiPAP, turns out I still wasn't taking in enough oxygen.

So, I have an oxygenation machine, which hooks up through the BiPAP, and pumps in some supplementary O2.

I've named the machine George. George is a squat lil fellow, sitting about 2 1/2 feet tall or so. He's also a wee bit noisy, so he spends his time in my workroom, while a 25' hose sends the oxygen my way.

I greet George every morning when I shut him off. I think he likes that.

So, a few observations.

Life has become a lot better since George and the BiPAP got to town. I've stopped nodding off at work, which thrills the boss to no end.

I've also noticed that certain, um, 'romantic inclinations' have returned as well. They were always there, I guess, but when you're tired all the time, that doesn't seem as important as it usually does. So, that which was slightly dormant, has returned. The only thing is, how many ladies are willing to put up with the machinery, their noises, and waking up next to a guy wearing a full faced air mask? This is something I've tried to not think about so much. I'll worry about that when the time comes.

My outlook on life is different as well. I'm not nearly as cranky and irritable anymore. This thrills my coworkers to no end. And now that I have more energy, I can spend more time inventing new and exciting ways to annoy them, which brings me no end of amusement. I'm going to have to play some pranks on them.

In other news, it appears that I *might* have my jetski sold. This is a good thing, as the money earned will be put towards the purchase of a Nikon D40 camera! Woohoo!

I could go on, but I've noticed that it's 12:30 am, and I'm gonna head to bed.

I think next post, I'll talk about the tattoo I got, and that experience. Should be good reading.

What's shakin' in my world.

2008-02-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

Wowsers!

A whole shit ton of stuff has been going on in the land of the PartsGuy. If you haven't been keeping track, well, I can't say as I blame you.

Couple of weeks back, my jackass boss conned me into volunteering for a store move. Hard work, but not bad, other than having to deal with the evil dyke ex-boss. Happily, she's now left the company. Where did she go? Couldn't care less.

So, there's now a space needing filled on the setup crew. I'm sorely tempted. I could save a bit of cash, cause I'd be gone a couple weeks a month. The company is growing, so there's no shortage of work. It'd make doctor/dentist appointments sorta difficult, though. I'll have to dig further into this.

Lotsa thoughts.

2007-12-01T19:04:00.000-08:00

So, yeah.

I finally got this thing to work with Firefox, which is the best 'net browser EVER. Hopefully it will help me become more Bloggerific or something.

Anyways.

Your humble scribe has been doing fairly well since last time I blogged. I managed to get hold of my anger problem with some professional help. It's good to not feel angry at the world. Hell, I rarely get road rage anymore, even!

I still have things that irritate me, but I laugh and move on. Without all that angry crap, I can turn my thoughts to other things, like chasing pretty ladies.

An example:

I spent some time the other day contemplating Porsches. Tough job. Some research on ebay and autotrader shows that I can almost afford an older 944 or 928. Sweet. The weird thing is, I hadn't given the marque much thought until this revelation. I've also discovered that I rather prefer the looks of the more vintage Porsches to those of the new ones. Don't get me wrong, I'd happily take a new 911, but I'd sell it and get myself a nice older one.

See, this car speaks to me on a level I can't explain. The new ones, while very nice, just don't do that. I suspect Steve McQueen would understand.

Happy days are here again at Stately PartsGuy Manor. I located a nice fiberglass topper for the PartsTruck, so I can ditch the tonneau cover on there now, and gain some lockable storage space. I also plan on doing a few things to it in order to use the truck for camping next summer. I plan on rigging one side to hold an awning, so I have a nice shady spot for taking a nap, reading, or just plain chillin'. Should be really awesome when I get it done. Plans are formulating in my head as I type.

Snow has blanketed the part of the country that your humble scribe calls home. With the snow come idiots. Folks, if you're in a snowstorm, and you own a white or gray vehicle, TURN YOUR DAMN LIGHTS ON SO WE CAN SEE YOU!! I mean, seriously, it could save you a LOT of grief down the road. Don't be a peckerhead.

My Xmas shopping is about halfway done. I called the PartsBros to find out what their various offspring wanted. One bro answered his celly. HIS kids get nice quiet presents, like Matchbox cars and the like. Other PartsBro didn't answer his celly. I left him a nice message, went something like this:

"Hi, this is the PartsGuy. I'm doing a wee bit of Xmas shopping right now, and I'm not sure what to get for your kid. So, unless I get some ideas, I'm just gonna find something noisy. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

The guy stocking shelves thought it was hilarious.

Needless to say, his kid's getting a REALLY noisy toy. Being Uncle PartsGuy ROCKS!

Well, off I go. I promise to try and write stuff more often. Next time, I might even be funny!!

6 years later.

2007-09-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

Yep. 6 years ago, our world was turned upside down by a bunch of Muslim fanatics. I hope they're rotting in Hell as we speak.

I'm going to wager most people will spend today working, playing with their kids, making sweet, sweet luuuuuuuuuuv to their significant others, basically, the stuff we do as Americans every day.

Good.

What better way to give the Al-Quieda assholes fits than to go ahead and do the things we're free to do? In my opinion, that's the best F**k you. So, if you need ideas, let me give you some.

Since Islam treats women like property, and makes them cover themselves, tell any lady you see how lovely she looks today. Then go buy a Playboy magazine and look at the pretty ladies.

Since Islam forbids the eating of pork... eat a bacon cheeseburger, or some pork chops...you get the idea.

There's a couple of ideas for you, I'm sure you can come up with others.

I'd really like to turn on the news tonight and see that Bin Laden has been captured, or killed. I'd prefer that he face the American judicial system, but if he were to catch a bullet with his head, I could live quite happily with that.

On the flip side, there's some people who deserve a swift kick in the ass today. I'll list them, and my reasons why.

First and foremost, GW Bush deserves a kick in the ass for spending more time on Iraq than chasing down Bin Laden. Yes, Hussein was evil incarnate, but a sniper's bullet to the head would have achieved the same results.

Second, every member of the liberal media deserves a kick in the ass, only because they have no balls. This spineless bunch of cowards doesn't bother to do their jobs properly, and people have DIED because of it. Yeah, Newsweek, that means YOU.

Third, assholes who sit and say "No Blood For Oil". You morons don't even know what you're talking about.

Forth, assholes who'd rather spend today in denial. Liberals, mostly. Make sure to flip one off if you get the chance.

There's more people that deserve a kick in the ass, if not the head, but I'm not going to list them. I've got better things to do today, such as doing my part to keep the wheels of commerce turning, and keep America running.

I suggest you do the same.

Also, I'd like to say something to Muslim moderates who won't condemn radical Muslims' actions.

You people are cowards. Were it up to me, you'd be deported TODAY. To keep silent while your fellow Muslims randomy kill innocent people to the tune of more than 9400 attacks since 9/11/01, and yet you remain strangely silent. Does this mean complicity? Nah.

Just means you're chickenshit cowards.

And with that, I'm off to have a bacon cheeseburger and look at some porn.

I'm back!!

2007-09-03T05:12:00.000-07:00

So, anyways...

It's been quite a while since I've written anything. I've been around, just nothing to really rant about.

Until now. I've been sort of looking for a PartsLadyFriend, kinda sorta, and my luck has been less than stellar. This is fine, ya can't win em all. What gets me is seeing ladies walking around with their SO's, and they're dressed nicely, hair done up, all that, and the SO is walking around unshaven, wearing some dumbassed hat cocked sideways(which is another rant in itself) and a basketball jersey and shorts. Apparently I'm not the only one who's disgusted by this, as Kim Du Toit has written about this, and some other stuff related to the subject here for your enjoyment.

I have a niece who won't be dating for a while yet( i.e. not until she's 40 if Uncle PartsGuy has anything to say about it.) but hopefully the pendulum will swing back and she won't be stuck with basketball boy. Did I mention that I'm planning on meeting anyone she dates, while cleaning my guns? Might haveta buy a special shotgun just for the occasion. And if her date shows up dressed as basketball boy, he'll be told to go home and dress properly, or face my wrath.

More later. naptime beckons.

An apology, of sorts.

2007-07-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

Apologies for so long between posts. Not having a lot to write about other than work, I just haven't bothered.

I'm going camping next weekend, which should be all kinds of good times. Nothing rejuvenates the soul like sleeping in the woods, and eating food cooked over open flames. I plan to take a few books along and catch up on some reading. Might even take an r/c boat along to play with. For sure the camera's coming along.

Which brings me to a lil complaint.

Your humble correspondent likes, from time to time, to look at pics of pretty ladies who seem to have misplaced their clothing. A minor complaint, to be sure, but still a viable one.

Gentlemen, when taking pictures of said lovely lady for everyone's approval, do us a favor and LEAVE YOURSELVES OUT OF THE PICTURES! We're not interested in seeing your hairy legs, or your face in the pics. Also, try practicing taking pics with the camera beforehand. Try different lighting effects, poses, etc. Consider this a bit of helpful advice from Uncle PartsGuy.

Oh, and BTW, Barry Bonds is a punk bitch.

A wee bit of a rant.

2007-06-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

I was standing in line at the store not too long ago, and my eye wandered over to the impulse rack. My eyes fell on a TV Guide with the blurb ' Giada De Laurentiis: Is the sexy chef too hot for TV?"

Naturally, I had to pick it up and find out WTF.

It seems that in the 'Cheers & Jeers' section, a Deborah Deel of Christiansburg, Virginia had this to say about Giada:

"Jeers to Giada De Laurentiis and the low-cut tops she wears on the Food Network. She must be sooooooooooo proud of her breasts. Who is she trying to turn on - the cameraman? It really is kind of sad and pathetic. I’ll give her a medal if she wears a top that doesn’t show her over-exposed breasts!"

Hmmm. What's that I smell? Could it be the green monster known as jealousy??

Now, it seems that Giada either hasn't responded yet, or has chosen not to respond to Ms. Deel's commentary. I, myself, am betting that the latter is the correct answer, as Ms. DeLaurentiis appears to be too much of a lady to respond to this hag.

However, I am willing to step in for Ms. DeLaurentiis and respond to Ms. Deel's comments for her. My response begins below. May not be safe for work, or people with tender sensibilities.

Dear Ms. Deel:

On behalf of most, if not all of the American male and some female population, I most humbly request that you shut your stupid trap.

We happen to enjoy how Giada dresses. She is a beautiful lady who happens to NOT be ashamed of how she looks. I question your motive in writing your 4 sentences of condemnation.

Now, I've always been one to give people the benefit of the doubt here, but I'm willing to bet that your jealousy stems from the fact that you, on a GOOD day, could be mistaken for the south end of a northbound mandril with a 3 day case of Montezuma's Revenge. On a bad day? Well, let's just say that powerchugging a quart of elephant vomit mixed with chunks of ambergris would probably be preferable.

As for Giada's cleavage, well, one can draw several inferences as to the reasons behind your distaste. I have some theories, and I'm willing to share a few.

One could infer that the cheap shot you took was due to the fact that your cleavage, by comparison, could make Casanova think about switching teams. One could also infer that perhaps your husband or boyfriend would trade you for Giada in less time than it takes to sneeze.

And maybe, just maybe, Ms Delaurentiis takes a wee bit better care of herself than you do? Judging by her appearance, I'm willing to bet that she's never sat on her couch plowing through a box of bon-bons while bitching on the phone for 3 hours about how her sweetie pie would rather spend more time with the boys at the tavern, than sit with you and be repulsed by the slurping sounds of you polishing off a quart of Ben & Jerry's.

And what exactly is wrong with dressing to impress the opposite sex? It's a time honored tradition, one that should NOT fall by the wayside. Just because your idea of dressing formally is a muu-muu WITHOUT spaghetti stains on it does not mean that people can't hold themselves to a higher ideal. I guarantee you, when your humble PartsGuy dresses up for a special occasion, the best description to use is 'Dressed To Kill'.

Speaking for myself, I appreciate it when someone takes the time to make herself look her best. To me, it means she thinks I'm worth the time it takes. Think about that while you're flipping through the latest Cosmo and bitching about how nobody makes anything good in your size. Learn to make your own stuff and look smashing.

Ms Deel, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with dressing sexy, and the fact that there are still many apostles of the late and not lamented one fucking bit Andrea Dworkin who think that they actually MATTER to the rest of us is a shame that we will have to bear, until a brave few stand up and slay the twin dragons of Political Correctness and Beauty Envy.

So, Ms Deel, as I said before, stuff a sock in it, or in your case, a box of doughnuts.

Sincerely,

The PartsGuy.

On owning a pickup truck

2007-06-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, so a lil bit ago, i ~~threatened~~ said I'd write about some of the obervations I've made since getting my truck.

I am nothing, if not a man of my word, so here we go. If you ~~are nothing but a braindead PC moron~~, don't have much of a sense of humor, you might wish to visit elsewhere.

Anyways.

To me, the pickup truck is one of the greatest inventions in the world, ranking right up there with electric guitars, latex condoms, and the In-N-Out Burger.

Seeing as most automakers have seemed to have given up on RWD cars, it seems to me only natural that pickups have come into favor, especially with hormone-addled teenage males.

Let's face it, folks- when you see some lil FWD econobox attempting to light up the front wheels, it just doesn't seem right. Especially when you hear the e-box's tiny lil engine howling like a banshee. It just ain't right. Makes for enormous bouts of laughter when they blow up, though.

HOWEVER...

Let some guy in his truck start hazin' the hides, motor rumbling like a freight train and there's not a real man anywhere who isn't secretly thinking, oh, HELL yeah!!", unless he's one of those ~~queers~~ foo-foo metrosexuals who's more worried he might miss his appointment at the nail salon.

Yeah, the thought makes me ill, too.

Granted, VW and Chrysler did try FWD pickups, but hey, when's the last time you saw a Dodge Rampage around town? Uh huh. And I see Honda's getting into the game with their Brokeback, errr, Ridgeback. Newsflash- unibody pickups didn't work in the 60s for Ford, why Honda thinks it will now is beyond me.

Now, having played around for a bit, I've noticed a few things. For example, I've suddenly developed a taste for Marlboro Reds and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Just kidding.

See, some people would have no problem with that stereotype. I myself have perpetuated it slightly by yelling "hey baby" at an attractive female. My inner redneck approved.

Nowadays, you see some men of the foo-foo metrosexual persuasion driving pickups. Their pickups are usually 'champagne' in color, and have leather upholstery.

Yuck.

This week, I decided to replace the tires on my truck. Did I go ahead and get the same size tires, or did I go for bigger?

Remember this phrase: Bigger, Better, Faster, More.

They look damn good on there, too.

And having a truck guarantees you all sorts of new friends, especially when there's something to be moved, or they're buried in snow. Unless, of course, you decided to 'ghettofy' your truck and put stupid ass 26" wheels on it. Yeah, that works REAL well. (Not) Looks frickin' retarded, too.

Trucks are also good for camping, especially if you have a topper/ bed cap / whatever, mainly because there's no tent to set up. Toss a sleeping bag in the back, and you're good to go!

Cars aren't as well suited, mainly because packing the camping gear into the trunk of a Chevy Cavalier isn't a fun task by any means. (Don't ask how I know) Truck? you toss everything into the bed, head to the campground, and get your camp on! Vans work well for camping too, but that's a story for another time.

So in summary, Pickups= GOOD. Foo-Foo Metrosexuals= BAD.

So, anyway...

2007-05-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

Rosie 'Fat Ugly Stupid Dyke' O'Donnell has FINALLY left TV.

Thank Christ.

ABC and Baba Wawa should be ASHAMED of the fact they gave that stupid bitch airtime.

I hope that sow chokes on a sandwich. If that happens, that day should be made a national holiday. Call it 'Freedom From Rosie The Whale Day'

God, I hate that ~~woman~~ sow.

Anyway, on to better things.

I FINALLY got a chance to take out the rifle I got for Xmas and do some shooting. Talk about FUN!! Brass flyin' everywhere, targets getting destroyed, lotsa noise being made...what a beautiful thing.

The only thing that could have made it better was using my truck to go bashing through the field to where we were shooting. Let's face it; Trucks and firearms are probably two of man's greatest inventions. Hmmm...I'm seeing a calendar idea... Trucks, and babes in bikinis holding guns!

I'm seeing a bestseller here, myself!

Speaking of guns, you may have noticed the little ad thingy for Boresnake.org. They're raising money to send our troops Boresnakes. A Boresnake has a brass end you drop through the action of your gun out the barrel, and then as you pull the Boresnake through, different sections of the 'snake clean the barrel out ever so nicely.

I have one of these for my gun, and I absolutely LOVE it. It makes post target practice cleaning a snap! This product gets the PartsGuy's 'Double Thumbs Up, With Loud Belch' endorsement.
Truly a genius product, and if you own firearms, you owe it to yourself, AND your guns, to get one.

As most of you know, your humble PartsGuy got himself a pickup truck some time back. After having lived with it for a while, I have noticed some things. I'll comment on these in a future post , as I'm still formulating the piece in my head.

As always, may the Bluebird of Happiness crap on your car.

An open letter to white kids who dress like gangstas.

2007-04-23T18:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Gangsta Wannabe:

Did you see me standing by my truck polishing the chrome when you drove through my alley?

I'm guessing you DIDN'T, or you might have had some decency to NOT hammer the gas, slide sideways, and damned near hit my neighbor's car, and spray rocks all over the frickin place. But then again, you might not, because you, and the rest of your gangsta wannabe buttbuddies are nothing more than dog shit on the shoe of humanity. I'm tired of you stupid assholes and your fucking BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM cars going down my street at 1 am.

Do you NOT realize how fucking stupid you look? You spend enormous amounts of the money that your parents give you to just go away trying to look like some dipshit whose main talents seem to be smoking dope and sticking his dick in any dumbass gangsta sperm dumpster who'll lie down long enough. Hell, some of those pigs don't even bother, and just go ahead and take a piece of ass. Wow. THERE'S a man I'd want MY nephew to be like.

You think assholes like Puff Daddy, or whatever that worthless fuck calls himself this month are worth emulating? You wanna be like fucking Tupac? Yeah, he was cool.

Right up until someone decided to use the car he was riding in for target practice. Yeah, I wanna bleed out in the front seat of a car on some street. That sounds cool!

Give me a freakin' break. You think some asshole who can't even speak english clearly is someone to be admired. Your values, such as they are, are completely, utterly, and totally fucked.

Now, don't take this to mean I think you're ALL bad. I have to say, I DO find it rather amusing when I find a video on Youtube of some gangsta tough guy who picks on the wrong person and gets his ass kicked all over the place. THAT is quality entertainment right there. AND, it NEVER gets old!! I could spend HOURS of time watching that shit.

So, in closing, I have but one thing to say;

PULL YOUR FUCKING PANTS UP! YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!!

Oh, and the 20" rim thing on whatever you drive= retarded.
Calling your car a 'whip'= also retarded.

Do the world a favor and eat a shotgun.

Shit that makes me crabby.

2007-04-13T16:52:00.000-07:00

OK, so I REALLY need to vent some anger 'n stuff. I plan on a few naughty words, so you may want to take that under advisement, and not read much further, cuz I'm not gonna be talking about cute furry puppies.

So, I ran to another store today to grab a few things. I'm on my way back, sitting at a stoplight, and listening to some quiet tuneage. It's a fairly decent afternoon, so I've got my window down. The chick next to me is playing some rap bullshit, but not very loud, so I didn't think much of it.

Apparently, the mouthbreathing highschool punk behind me in an Eagle Talon decided to attempt to wow said female with the system in his car, sort of like a male peacock during mating season, except MUCH louder, and with less plumage. All of a sudden, all I could hear was BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM. This I found most displeasing. I also wished that I was in the PartsGuy Truck, instead of a work vehicle. Then, I would have been very tempted to put it in reverse, and stand on the gas. I think an airbag in his face would have been just punishment. That, or a baseball bat to the head.

Maybe we can get lucky and this kid will do something really stupid, and wrap himself around a tree and take himself out of the gene pool.

Apparently, parents don't teach their kids to consider other people. Sheesh.

S.N.M.C. and some other stuff.

2007-03-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, I forgot the SNMC last week. Sorry. This one's from a band called Stuck Mojo. I try not to post political stuff, but with all that's going on in the world, it becomes more and more difficult not to.

Open Season

Sadly, the Dumb-o-crats don't seem to understand that GW has committed us to help Iraq rebuild. As Rome was not built in a day, neither will Iraq. If we pull out now, the terrorists will wrest control away, and we'll be in even more of a pickle than we are now. Sometimes I wonder if the Dems WANT us to lose.

Bottom line: We must not fail in Iraq, despite the Left's demand that we do so.

OK, enough political bullshit.

Here's something else that REALLY tweaks my giblets, courtesy of USAtoday.com.

Mass. girl's overdose raises questions
By Denise Lavoie, Associated Press

"HULL, Mass. — In the final months of Rebecca Riley's life, a school nurse said the little girl was so weak she was like a "floppy doll." The preschool principal had to help Rebecca off the bus because the 4-year-old was shaking so badly. And a pharmacist complained that Rebecca's mother kept coming up with excuses for why her daughter needed more and more medication. None of their concerns was enough to save Rebecca."

Sad.

"Rebecca — who had been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity and bipolar disorder, or what used to be called manic depression — died Dec. 13 of an overdose of prescribed drugs, and her parents have been arrested on murder charges, accused of intentionally overmedicating their daughter to keep her quiet and out of their hair."

What I'd like to know is, how in the HELL do you diagnose a 4 year old as bipolar? It seems your PartsGuy isn't the only one, as we continue;

"But the tragic case is more than a story about one child. It raises troubling, larger questions about the state of child psychiatry, namely: Can children as young as Rebecca be accurately diagnosed with mental illnesses? Are rambunctious youngsters being medicated for their parents' convenience? And should children so young be prescribed powerful psychotropic drugs meant for adults?"

I'll answer these questions for you, in order. 1)NO. 2)YES, absolutely. 3)NO.

I'm not going to make like Dr Spock, or whoever, but having been a child once myself, I can say one thing for certain: Kids, especially boys, are going to be kids, which entails noise, broken stuff, running around the house, wiping boogers on their sisters, etc. If you can't handle that fact, THEN YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS REPRODUCING!

Again, from the article:

"Rebecca's uncle, James McGonnell, and his girlfriend, Kelly Williams, who lived with the Rileys, told police that the Rileys would put their kids to bed as early as 5 p.m. Rebecca, they said, often slept through the day and got up only to eat.

When Michael Riley decided the kids were "acting up," he told Carolyn to give them pills, McGonnell and Williams told police."

"Later that night, McGonnell told police, he heard someone struggling to breathe and found Rebecca gurgling as if something was stuck in her throat. McGonnell told police he wiped vomit from his niece's face, then kicked in the door to her parents' room and yelled at the Rileys to take Rebecca to the emergency room.

Instead, Carolyn Riley said, she gave her daughter a half-tablet of Clonidine."

LOVELY.

Have you ever watched decent people who would like nothing more than to have oodles of kids go through not being able to have kids? I'm here to tell you, it just plain fucking sucks. Meanwhile, half-witted, unemployed, welfare sucking, low end of the genetic totem pole drop kids left and right, and treat them as annoying assholes who bother them while they're trying to watch Oprah.

Her parents deserve .45 caliber justice. Fucking white trash.

RIP, Rebecca.

May you finally be at peace.

Oops,

2007-03-12T18:34:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, I didn't post the Sunday Night Music Clip. Other things occurred which tied up my day, plus I just plain forgot.

So, here's another clip from Saxon. This one's their interpretation of a Christopher Cross song, 'Ride Like The Wind'. Interesting song for them to cover, and I like it.

Ride Like The Wind

I have also decided that I'm not going to put step bars on my truck, as we managed to break a body mount bolt trying to install them. So, screw it. I returned the step bars, and I'll use the money for other stuff. Fixing the bolt would involve drilling a hole in a perfectly solid cab, and I can't quite bring myself to do it. I'm gonna call a body shop tomorrow and see what they think.

Snow, and Sunday Night Music Clip

2007-03-04T07:17:00.000-08:00

So anyway, Mother Nature decided we didn't have enough snow on the ground and threw a couple feet of the stuff our way. I am so sick of shoveling it ain't funny. The city finally plowed out my alley, so I can park my truck in the back again! Yay!

Anyways, found a good clip this week, from the TV show Moonlighting, where they did a version of 'Taming Of The Shrew'. A cool cover of " Good Lovin' ". Enjoy.

Good Lovin'

Sunday Night Music clip.

2007-02-24T16:38:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's actually Saturday night as I'm posting this. Whatever.

For this week's clip, I chose a tune by Larry Carlton. The tune is called 'Room 335'. Larry earned the nickname 'Mr. 335' years ago, as one of his favored instruments is the Gibson 335. Great guitar, great player, great tune. I listened to several versions of the tune, and the version I picked, I picked because I liked the energy and tone. The guitar he's playing in this clip appears to be a Fender Telecaster, though. Go figure.

Room 335

As a side note, if you own Christopher Cross' 1st CD, you'll hear Larry playing on a couple of those tunes as well. Good stuff.

On another happy note, the search for a new PartsGuyMobile has ended for now. I'm now the proud papa of a '90 Chevy K1500 pickup. Got it for a song.

Ain't she a beauty? I could do without the clearance lights, but that's a minor quibble. It's snowing something fierce here this weekend, so I'mma play in the snow!!! W00T!

Idea I shamelessly stole from another website.

2007-02-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

Ok so while flipping through my usual assortment of websites I read fairly often, I got the idea for the PartsGuy's Sunday Night Music Clip. This will be a song I like for whatever particular reason, and I'll post a youtube linky to a clip for you to watch. Obviously, if you have dialup, you may wish to forego the clip, or not. Your choice.

With that, on to the inaugural SNMC. The band: Saxon. The song: Just Let Me Rock, from their album Crusader. The fact that these guys aren't more well known on this side of the pond is nothing short of criminal. That's what happens when your record company leaves you swingin' in the wind all by your lonesome.

Saxon: Just Let Me Rock

Ok, I'm feeling a wee bit generous, seeing as it's the first time I'm doing this. So, another band that was shamefully ignored by the music industry, Axe.

Several years ago, I happened t be surfing for more info on the band, to see if I could somehow find a copy of Nemesis, which is the album this song led off. I got a nice email back from the band's lead guitar/ singer explaining why the album wasn't yet available on CD. Apparently, they solved the problem because about 2 years ago, I found the CD available on ebay. Needless to say, I bought it immediately. Trust me on this, were you to go and find this CD for yourself, it would be time well spent. The music is excellent, a lot better than some of the crap that was polluting the airwaves(Duran Duran, call your office).

Axe: Heat In The Street

Someone edited the song to fit a cartoon, and did a wonderful job.

Comments are open. Give me a yea or nay, and I'll dig up other stuff.

Fabbo Babe of the Week/ CD Review

2007-02-10T15:08:00.000-08:00

So, I got bored, and you get a new FBW:

The lovely and talented Helen Hunt. There's just something about the way she carries herself that works for me. I especially enjoyed her in 'What Women Want'.

Today, UN and I decided that, even though the weather outside is frightful, that a trip away from Stately PartsGuy Manor was in order, and made a trip to the Electric Fetus. What luck! a 20% off sale!!

Your humble correspondent LOVES 20% off sales. So, I scooped up two CDs instead of the usual one.

The first one is playing on my computer as we speak. It's a blues CD by Renee Austin,called 'Sweet Talk'.

If you enjoy blues and roots music, you need this CD. Ms. Austin jumps from genre to genre, and does so effortlessly. Included on this disc is a duet with Delbert McClinton called 'Pretend We Never Met' which alone is worth the price of admission.

You're probably going to have to hunt for this disc, so I'll try and make it easier.

www.blindpigrecords.com

That should get you on your way.

Sadly, one of Renee's vocal cords was damaged during surgery to remove a lump from her thyroid gland, cutting her career short. We are lucky to have these CDs to document her talent. Hopefully a miracle will occur and she can return to what she does VERY well.

The second CD I picked up is by Bad Religion, which I consider to be one of the best punk bands EVER.

This one's called 'Tested', and it's a live CD that I'd never seen or heard of. As far as live CDs go, most of them suck. This one is a happy exception. All of the best BR tunes are on here, definitely one to pick up. Amazon will probably have this one. If you don't like punk, then don't get it.

Thus concludes this post.

As always, may the bluebird of happiness crap on your car.

Stuff.

2007-02-09T16:01:00.000-08:00

I got to thinking today about telephone manners.

For instance, I called another shop and asked for L. Someone else answered, and when I asked for him, she said 'may I ask who's calling?'

My reply? "Nope"

Maybe I'm way off base on this, but it seems to be a bit nosy. The call obviously ISN'T for you, so it's none of your business. Had I felt she needed to know who it was, I would have said " This is The PartsGuy, lemme talk to L"

Wait! I've got an idea!! The next time someone asks me that question, I'll say, "Certainly. I'm Nunya. as in NUNYA F'IN BUSINESS!!!" Wouldn't that be awesome?

Or maybe I need to increase my dosage. I dunno.

I've discovered a new way to amuse myself. All you need to do is station yourself close to the condom display at your favorite store, and wait for some lady to stop and inspect the brands. Then, ever so quietly, sneak up behind her and say "I'm a Magnums man myself!" and wait for the hilarity!

The boss was out of town most of the week for a manager's conference. It sure was fun watching the assistant mgr get all frazzled. Heavy is the yoke of power.

I've got other things going on, but they haven't developed enough that I feel comfy talking about them just yet.

In which I rant about something.

2007-01-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, so your humble PartsGuy was at a friend's house doing laundry last Sunday. The TV was on, and while I don't watch very much TV at home, when I'm elsewhere, I'll watch if it's on.

This time, I watched a couple episodes of Growing Up Gotti.

I'm going to suggest that if you've never seen this show, keep it that way. You're missing NOTHING. Just a bunch of spoiled asshole kids and their VERY ineffective mother. I was damned near physically ill.

One segment made me laugh. In a voiceover, Victoria comments about her boys and makes a statement about upholding family honor.

Yeah, right. Your father was a fucking murderer, drug dealer, and all around thug. I bet he'd be REAL impressed with your parenting skills, too.

I will suggest one thing. If you think these people are worth emulating, then you should probably go out and buy a .45. Then load it, stick it in your mouth and pull the trigger. Either that, or move to the East Coast to be closer to your heroes.

Anyway, I've determined that the ~~worthless assholes~~ Gotti offspring are all deserving of a good old fashioned pistol-whipping. Either that or a baseball bat to the skull.

THAT would be quality television, let me tell you. Better yet, how about "Gottis Go To Boot Camp"?

I'd watch just to laugh at them suffering without any hair gel. Worthless trash.

Schtuff.

2007-01-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

So, I went to the doc the other day, and hopped on the scale. It seems your humble PartsGuy managed to lose 12 pounds! I figured, what with Turkey Day and Xmas oinkfests, I'd only be down a couple, if any.

Happily, I was mistaken.

I've decided enough is enough as far as the jetski payments go, and I'm going to go ahead and pay it off. Then, I'm probably going to end up selling it, as I only managed to go out one time last year, and between the 'ski payments and insurance, I can probably come up with better uses for that 75 bucks a month.

Maybe as a car payment. I'm torn between getting a truck, which would be useful if I do manage to buy a house, or a nice Crown Vic/Grand Marquis. I don't know. What would Chuck Norris do?

Or maybe I'll just put the 75 a month towards other things.

Lotsa stuff to cover.

2006-12-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

I guess first and foremost, gotta talk about Saddam's execution.

I managed to find footage of the whole thing, but the footage was shot on a celly phone camera, and wasn't very good. Eh.

I'm all for the death penalty. I'm happy he's dead. A vicious murderer is gone, and now the people of Iraq can truly move on.

Now we just need Bin Laden a-swingin' from the gallows pole.

On to other things...

I was wandering around the local Caucasian Refuse Supply Procurement Center, i.e. WalMart, and I saw a woman I'd graduated HS with. She didn't see me, as I'm basically invisible to the female gender. Anyways, this girl wouldn't give me the time of day in school. Judging by her appearance, she'd been rode hard and put away wet. Is it wrong that it made me giggle a lil bit to see her that way?

OK, there's something that's been bothering me a wee bit lately. I've been noticing men wearing glasses that look like this:

Ok, guys, seriously...the PartsGuy has one word to describe these. GAY.

Seriously, the first thing I think when I see someone wearing these: "Gay."

They look stupid. Quit wearing them. Unless you're gay.

Your humble PartsGuy is giving consideration to writing a style manual for men. My working title for it is "Tuck Your Goddamned Shirt In!!"

I spent some of my giftcard monetary units on a nice lil vidgame called "Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War"

This is a way cool game. It has 5 diff gameplay levels, from Very Easy to Ace. I'm starting it at Very Easy, and will finish it at that level to get my bearings, then work through the other levels. Should keep interest up for the cold winter months ahead.

Well, I would write more, but I'm off to WallyWorld to burn up some giftcard money.

May the bluebird of happiness crap on your car.

Sunday fun

2006-12-17T08:58:00.000-08:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There is:
1
person with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Sometimes, there's happy news.

2006-12-14T05:07:00.000-08:00

From MSN.com:

" PANAMA CITY, Fla. -- The "Girls Gone Wild" video empire agreed to pay $1.6 million and its founder was sentenced to community service Wednesday for filming drunken, underage girls in the raunchy videos."

I laughed. As far as I'm concerned, Joe Francis is subhuman filth.

Men who take advantage of drunk women are pigs who prove the anti-male feminists right, and should be punished severely. And let's face it, that's what Francis does, and the worst part is, HE PROFITS FROM IT. I'm certain 1.6 million ain't gonna put much of a dent in his lifestyle. One could hope, but I doubt it. I'd LOVE to hear some pissed off father or brother beat the living shit out of this guy. I'd bet he's got a bodyguard or two, the coward.

Those of us men who hold ourselves to a higher standard need to start speaking up. The next time some guy brags about nailing some drunk chick, he should be made to feel like the trash he is. I'd start by pointing out he obviously has no game.

I'm also suggesting that we as men don't buy GGW DVDs. Don't enrichen this asshole any further.

Wouldn't it be nice to hear that asshole went bankrupt?? I'd dance for joy.

Day after T-day shopping thoughts.

2006-11-24T13:38:00.000-08:00

So, being the semi-adventurous person I am, I decided I'd accompany my buddy's GF to WalMart for the 5-11 am sale.

This required your correspondent to be awake at the ungodly hour of 4 am. Now, the last time I was awake at 4:30 am, I'd been out most of the previous night enjoying adult beverages.

I had a specific assignment: Obtain 2 Cabbage Patch Cuddle Buddies, or whatever. Like I'm paying attention. There's chicks to scope out. Anyway, as the 5 o'clock hour approached, the small group I'd been part of expanded in numbers. I'd brought along my celly, just in case we got separated, so I wouldn't be wandering around the store with a dazed look in my eyes carrying a couple of freaking stuffed dolls.

I got to thinking while I was waiting for the signal to cut the shrinkwrap. Thoughts ran through my head like "I cannot BELIEVE I am standing in a freaking WALMART at 4 f**kin' thirty in the bloody AM, awaiting 5 o'clock to get a couple of stupid dolls!!" That, along with " I'm going to get killed, I can sense it. I'm not destined to meet my end in a fiery car accident, or by the shotgun of a jealous husband."

I'd brought along my celly, just in case we got separated, so I wouldn't be wandering around the store with a dazed look in my eyes carrying a couple of freaking stuffed dolls.I called up L and said "You realize, if I get injured doing this, I will NEVER forgive you." That got a laugh from everyone around me. Hey, I'm ok with shopping, I just wasn't too hip on the idea of having a WalMart shopping cart up my ass, is all.

I can just see waking up from THAT..

"Well, Mr. PartsGuy, we were able to remove the shopping cart from your ass. On the bright side, you shouldn't be bothered by hemorroids anytime in the next 40 years. Also, you'll probably be able to carry a bowling ball with no hands."

Yipes.

Anyway, all went well with that, as when they cut the shrinkwrap, I used height to my advantage and swooped a couple up. My task completed, I got out of there before the old ladies figured out what was up and used their canes on me.

Soon, I shall be done with the monumental task of Xmas shopping, and can go back to shopping for goodies for myself. Can't wait.

Something tells me I'll probably be in bed by 9 tonight, nap or not.

May the bluebird of happiness crap on your car.

New project.

2006-11-19T18:02:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided to embark on a new project, a fairly longterm one.

Your humble PartsGuy needs to lose a ~~lil' bit~~ heap of excess poundage.

When you step on the scale at the doc's office, and yer a bit north of 275, well, ya might wanna consider cutting back a wee bit. This I have done. I quit caffeine 3 weeks ago. Pop went by the wayside this past Tuesday. Calorie counting starts tomorrow, along with getting my happy ass some exercise for 1/2 hour or so a night.

So, your PartsGuy needs a lil' favor. I've decided to go ahead and give a real good run at dropping, say, 75 pounds. I know this is gonna take a while, but hey, it took a while to put it on in the first place.

My target weight is going to be 220 lbs. When I did the Body For Life thingy a while back, I got down to 227 and felt utterly fan-frickin'-tastic. After a couple of accidents at work, my back isn't what it used to be, so I had to quit the workouts.

So, to that end, I plan on consulting with the BFL people, and seeing if the workout can be modified somewhat, so I don't do any further damage to my back than's already been done.

Anyways, back to the lil' favor part. If you can, sometime during your busy schedule, find a few minutes to either post a comment, or get hold of me in some way, and ask how the weight loss thinger is coming along, that'd be just spiffy. If you've got my phone #'s, hey, gimme a shout and harass me too. I would appreciate it, and would be glad to return the favor for you. I got a lotta anytime minutes on my celly, might as well burn some up!!

Once I get up and rolling, I'll make sure to try and post updates as to how close I am to the target. Feel free to join me if'n you need to shed yer spare tire. We can encourage each other.

Call it the PartsGuy LardAss Challenge!

As I said, if you can find time to harass me, please do so. Then next summer, I'll post pics of the IMPROVED PartsGuy!!

Sunday Thoughts.

2006-11-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

Yep, AGAIN, my football team managed to freakin' find a way to lose. AND, my boy Tony Stewart didn't win either. The only thing that keeps it from being a total bummer is that Jimmie Johnson didn't win. Maybe he was depressed about his boyfriend Jeffy Gordon marrying some model chick, I don't know.

Anyways.

I was walking through the local Caucasian Refuse Fulfillment Center, otherwise known as WalMart, when I was struck with a Brilliant Flash of Inspiration:

I must create a game called WalMart Bingo.

Instead of numbers, you wait till you see certain things that are VERY common to Walmarts, and cross it off until you get Bingo. Items such as:

Screaming kid in cart.
Guy wearing tank top, covered in tattoos. Bonus points if it's winter, or the ink is poorly done.

Preggo woman, with at least 2 kids running around cart and screaming.

Stuff like that. I mean, if ya gotta be stuck inna Walmart shopping, might as well make it amusing, no??

I'm not looking forward to Xmas. I'm thinking of just buying everyone tools from work! Wrench sets for EVERYBODY!!

PartsMom asked what I wanted for my birthday. I suggested a nice giftcard. I've got enough socks.

That's one of the things that really blows about being an adult. Forget toys. You get socks.

I can buy socks. I WANT TOYS, DAMMIT!!!!

Yep, that's me. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

More ranting and raving later.

A flea and a fly, and the Flu.

2006-11-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

So, your humble correspondent is slightly under the weather. The flu has landed at Stately PartsGuy Manor, and is in the middle of some severe asskicking. I was so sick I actually took a sick day. I also proceeded to sleep 14-16 hours of the next 24.

For the first time in YEARS, I ate Campbell's chicken noodle soup.

I HATE Campbell's chicken noodle soup!

I'm here to tell you, I never thought dry toast could taste so good!!

Now, as soon as this passes, I'm gonna get me a cheeseburger!!!

Anniversaries.

2006-10-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

This is going to be one of the hardest posts I've yet written, if not the hardest to read.

October 23, 2005 will probably be seared into my memory banks for a long time to come.

October 23, 2005 is the day I lost one of my best friends.

I'd just woken up, gotten a can of Diet Coke, and cranked on my computer to look at the news and stuff. I opened my Yahoo messenger thingy, and started reading the news.

A buddy messaged me with the news. I hopped offline and called her husband. As soon as he answered the phone, I knew it was true. Hearing the shock and pain in his voice damned near did me in.

The time up to the funeral service is nothing but a blur. Emailing people back and forth, phone calls, and the trip down don't even register in the memory banks.

I remember standing with my friend Scott outside just before the service, both of us looking off into the distance, talking about trivial things.

I also remember turning to him and saying "Let's go do this." and walking in.

This was the first funeral I've ever attended. I'd known J had a lot of friends, but I hadn't expected the entire chapel to be chock full.

Definitely one of the most surreal experiences of my life, listening to the speakers talk about her and her life.

I miss her very much.

J was an big part of my life. She always had time to listen to a half-crazy parts guy, and wasn't afraid to give me a verbal kick in the ass if I had it coming. We were close, close enough so when her daughter was born, her husband joked he knew she was his child, because the kid wasn't born with a goatee!!!

I hadn't been down to visit in a while, what with being 6 hours away. I regret that now.

Just recently, I got some pics of her daughter in an email. Spittin' image.

Another memory of that weekend was after the service. A few of us were standing around talking, and it occurred to us that the Pizza Hut across the parking lot might be a better place to talk than in a parking lot.

There were 15-20 of us, all quite boisterous, and yelling for more beer every 10 minutes or so. I still chuckle, thinking about that poor server who was scared to death of this table full of crazy people, and I remember thinking J would consider that a proper sendoff.

Do your PartsGuy a favor, willya?

Call up an old friend you haven't spoken to in some time, just because you can.

What I haven't been able to figure out is why I haven't cried my eyes out yet.

Your inner Og.

2006-10-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, I ~~threatened to~~ joked about writing a self help book called "Embracing Your Inner Og" .

So, after much consideration, plus my favorite ~~porn site~~ educational website was down, I have decided to let you all in some of the secrets of embracing YOUR inner Og.

You can thank me later. Preferably in small unmarked bills or really cool stuff.

Anyhow.

In the last 5-10 years, we as men have been forced to suffer MANY indignities. These would include:

Sharing feelings.
Becoming 'sensitive'.
Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah.
The TV show 'Home Improvement'.

None of these are world ending. Sadly, I had to add 'Home Improvement' to that list after the writers decided that the male lead apparently needed to become a completely inept asshole who was kept alive only by his sainted wife who could do no wrong. I stopped watching the show because I figured it was easier to do that than repair the damage caused by my throwing the TV out the front window of Stately PartsGuy Manor. Plus, at the time, 27" TVs were spendy.

I will grant that some things aren't so bad, for example, men do NOT need to be beating the living shit out of their spouses. Some of their kids, well, ya know, a decent asskicking does a world of good.

So.

We come to the things that every man who wants to release his inner Og should celebrate. I'm listing them in no particular order, cause they're all equally important, plus I'm too lazy to spend a lot of time on this.

1) Fire.

Us Ogs LOVE us some fire. The bigger, the better. Hell yeah. If you can't get within 5 feet of the actual fire because you fear you'll combust, well, THAT, my friends, is a FIRE. Boo-freakin'-yah.

Of course, the fact that we can throw things into said fire and watch them burn, things such as pics of old GFs, credit card statements, Hippies, copper wire (makes real cool colors) just makes it THAT MUCH BETTER.

Plus, fire allows us Ogs to do something else we like:

2) Cook meat.

For our vegetarian friends, well, I'm sorry, but NOTHING makes your inner Og more joyful than grabbing a chunk of some tasty animal, tossing it on a grill, and allowing your senses the opportunity to bathe in the sensations that only cooking meat can provide. Steaks cooking on an open fire is a VERY sensual experience.

Your eyes cannot help but be drawn to the way the flames dance and leap around the steak.

Your ears hear the sizzles and pops as the meat cooks.

Your nose takes in the glorious aroma of the steak cooking.

Your sense of touch is fulfilled when you grab the steak from the grill, and then realize that SON OF A B**** IS THAT THING F**KING HOT!!!!

And finally, your last sense is fulfilled when you cut that first hunk of gloriously flame cooked meat, and the juice caresses your tastebuds.

And any guy reading this who ISN'T suddenly craving a steak?

Well, perhaps you should ask your significant other if you might have your testicles back.

Annnnnnnnnnnnd speaking of significant others...

3) ~~Leering at~~ Enjoying the sight of a beautiful woman.

Truthfully, gentlemen, who among us has NOT stopped to admire an attractive lady?

And by that, I mean when your SO ISN'T around. Getting whacked in the head with a purse can be painful, or so I hear.

Sometimes, it's hard to explain the attraction. It could be that the outfit she's wearing flatters her figure most wonderfully, or it could be that she walks by, and the perfume she's wearing pleases your nose immensely. Remember those Folger's commercials from a few years back, with the lady and her suitor who finally got together over a series of commercials? If not, well, ask someone older than you.

Anyhow, for some reason, I found that lady attractive. Why? Dunno. Did the question of Why Her? stop me from drooling over her and fantasizing about hot tub suites and a 'do not disturb' sign?

Nope.

And despite what some feminists might say, personally I'm of the opinion that if you're out in publice somewhere, and some lady walks in dressed to kill, well, that shit don't happen on accident, I'm here to tell ya. That lady spent god knows how long getting ready. It would be rude to NOT appreciate the effort she spent doing so.
Also, it would be rude to not acknowledge the effort. I personally would say something along the lines of " My GOD, you look absolutely stunning! When you walked in, I damn near fell down!" That's all.

A word of warning: Pick your words as carefully as you picked your last vehicle. If you think something along the lines of " GODDAMN, woman!! I'd liketa bend you over a pool table and give you a thorough rogerin' " is good, well, when you're being escorted from wherever, with her 3" heel sticking out of your ass, you might decide to rework your approach while the ER doc takes pics of you flopped on your gut with Payless Shoe's finest buried in your hinder.

And, in case you were wondering, I have NEVER run into a woman yet who's been insulted by being called gorgeous. EVER.

And guys, I'm here to tell you, you should NOT be ashamed of indulging yourself in a little observation. My only suggestion to you is, better get her eye color first, because that's the first thing any woman who catches you will ask. Trust me on this. If you don't, then you risk her blowing up on you.

Speaking of which...

4)Explosions.

What man among us has NOT watched a tv show about blowing up abandoned buildings and been completely enthralled?

Not any worth knowing, that's for sure.

I think that blowing stuff up is no end of fun, when done for the right reasons, such as it's Friday.

You can't tell me when some scientist is perfoming a test in some lab somewhere that his inner Og isn't dancing with glee, because he might get to see something go BOOM! Us Ogs love us some destruction. Preferably VERY LOUD destruction. Every once in a while, ya just gotta blow some shit up. It fulfills the soul.

What I think would be cool, is a 2 hour special called "Blowing S**t UP!".

Put that bad boy on cable, so's you could have women wearing next to nothing throwing the switches that cause 40 lbs of C4 to take out the supporting beams of some old building. When I think of this, 2 words come to mind: GLOBAL BLOCKBUSTER.

Every guy I know would be parked in front of his tv, cheering like a madman. I'd even turn MY TV on for that.

There's probably more to embracing your Inner Og, but this should be good enough to give you a start.

I know I haven't been blogging much. Mainly, I haven't been inspired to. My little green notebook has more ideas in it, I just need to flesh them out a wee bit.

As always, may the bluebird of happiness crap on your car.

Neato discovery.

2006-09-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

So, today I went to a big 'n tall men's store with my buddy's GF, cause she wanted to get him some boxers.

Turns out that your humble PartsGuy, who's a rather portly individual, can also find clothes that FIT!!!!

This is an awesome discovery, ranking right up with when I figured out what the song 'Afternoon Delight' was actually about!!

Another exciting development: I found the lil notebook I carry around to scribble down blog post ideas!! You know what this means??

Yeah. Probably not a whole freakin' lot.

Anyways, I got a note asking when I was gonna do another blog post, so here it is. I could tell you about my last visit to the doctor, but seeing as I didn't get a finger stuck up my butt, I figured I couldn't write anything funny about it.

Boycott Miller products.

2006-09-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

Via The Chicago Tribune, and Michelle Malkin's website:
http://michellemalkin.com/archives/005845.htm

Marchers had to duck into fast-food restaurants for water when they first
took to Chicago's streets in support of illegal immigrants five months ago.
At the next two marches, family-owned grocery stores offered free bottled
water from trucks emblazoned with their names.

This time, as demonstrators march from Chinatown to House Speaker Dennis
Hastert's (R-Ill.) Batavia office this weekend, they will have Miller
Brewing Co., as a sponsor. The brewer has paid more than $30,000 for a
planning convention, materials and newspaper ads publicizing the event.

The support of a major corporation for a controversial political cause shows
how fierce the competition has become to woo the growing market of Latino
consumers.

So, in my opinion, by supporting this march, Miller Brewing is thumbing its
corporate nose at us.

So, I'm thumbing my nose right back at them. I am no longer going to consume
any Miller products, and I suggest you do the same.

https://www.millertalk.com/emailmanager/millerbrewing/contact.aspx

Here's Miller's contact address. Join me in letting them know we will NOT
stand for them supporting illegal immigrants.

Here's a list of Miller products.

Miller Lite
Miller Genuine Draft
Miller Genuine Draft Light
Miller High Life
Miller High Life Light
Sharp's non-alcohol brew
Red Dog
Icehouse 5.0
Icehouse 5.5
Icehouse Light
Southpaw Light
Leinenkugel's Original
Leinenkugel's Light
Leinenkugel's Red Lager
Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss
Leinenkugel's Apple Spice (seasonal)
Leinenkugel's Berry Weiss
Leinenkugel's Oktoberfest (seasonal)
Leinenkugel's Creamy Dark
Leinenkugel's Big Butt Doppelbock (seasonal)
Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat
Henry Weinhard's Private Reserve
Henry Weinhard's Blue Boar Pale Ale
Henry Weinhard's Classic Dark
Henry Weinhard's Northwest Trail Blonde Lager
Henry Weinhard's Hefeweizen
Henry Weinhard's Summer Wheat

Hamm's
Hamm's Draft
Hamm's Special Light
Olde English 800 Malt Liquor
Olde English HG800
Olde English HG800 7.5
Magnum Malt Liquor
Mickey's Malt Liquor
Mickey's Ice
Milwaukee's Best
Milwaukee's Best Light
Milwaukee's Best Ice
Foster's Lager
Foster's Special Bitter
Peroni Nastro Azzurro
Pilsner Urquell
Sheaf Stout
Sparks
Sparks Light
Sparks Plus 7%
Sparks Plus 6%
Steel Reserve Triple Export 8.1%
Steel Reserve High Gravity
Steel Reserve High Gravity 6.0
Steel Six

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2006-08-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

So, tonight I went over to Wallyworld to basically wander around and kill some time, and scope out the hotties.

Your humble PartsGuy is a collector of diecast cars, in all scales. I'm also VERY choosy about them. If the proportions are horribly off, (Johnny Lightning, call your office) Then they ain't going in my collection. Period.

For some bizarre reason, some people are putting 28" tire on their cars, and calling them Donks, or something like that. Looks utterly retarded. Anyways, the diecast manufacturers are all falling over themselves to put out lil Donks.

As I've stated, if the proportions are wrong, no go. These are all wrong. What REALLY irks me is that one manufacturer makes some cars i'd like to see with scale wheels. Do they? nope, but they make ridiculous Donks. Assholes.

Hot Wheels does the same thing with a series of cars ridiculously proportioned. Usually, it's a model I wouldn't mind having if the dimensions were correct. Does that happen? Not often.

Weekend thoughts.

2006-08-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

Your humble PartsGuy had to make an excursion to the local Wally World for some supplies today. I realized why I usually go at night, about 9 pm.

TOO MANY DAMNED MORONS DURING THE DAY!!!!

My GOD, is it necessary to block an ENTIRE freaking aisle with your fat asses AND your freaking shopping cart full of Doritos and Twinkies and freaking Diet Coke??? Maybe I should bring a cattle prod next time I have to go there during daylight hours!!

**ZZZZAP!!!** "MOVE IT, SHAMU!! THE WORLD DOES NOT, REPEAT, NOT, REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND YOUR FAT, STUPID, ADD SUFFERING ASSHOLE KIDS!! I NEED PAPER PLATES!!! MOVE YOUR ASS!!!!"

Or, maybe I should just not ever go there on a Sunday afternoon again.

So, someone came up to me this week and asked if I'd like to sell my jetski. I've decided yes, because I have nowhere near enough time to ride it, and I want to get a nice truck. We'll see if the guy goes for the price I want.

Your humble PartsGuy has been thinking lately.

Mostly about scary stuff like putting down roots, settling down into a long term type relationship, stuff like that.

It's turning out to be not so scary after all, though it'd be quite an adjustment for someone who's spent most of his adult life alone.

The way I'm looking at it, all I want is one room to myself, where I can scratch, watch the 3 stooges, work on my hobbies, and surf for whatever.

I've discovered things are not always as they seem, and that being decent to people sometimes pays you back in a good way, and in unexpected ways. This I will write more about as it unfolds. If things turn out as I'm hoping, then your PartsGuy's life will become very interesting, indeed.

Camping rules.

2006-08-13T17:50:00.000-07:00

Went camping this weekend, was a total blast. Nothing better than sleeping under the stars and eating stuff cooked over an open fire. Yummy.

I have discovered that the PartsMobile is fairly decent for carrying gear, but it's stuffed to the gunwales with stuff. I'm dreading unpacking it tomorrow.

Therefore, I'm going to go ahead and get a nice pickup. I figure if I don't use it as a daily driver, the gas won't kill me. Also, I can pull my jetski along if I go to a site with a lake that allows their use.

I had the most bizarre dream while camping. Imagine Cookie Monster laying on the floor, hollering " TAKE ME NOW, RICHARD!!! "

Yeah. I scare myself sometimes. This would be one of them. I'd LOVE to see an interpretation of THAT dream. I fell off my air mattress laughing.

I think I may need therapy, or something.

Or I may just need a girlfriend.

Things I've been thinking about lately.

2006-07-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been thinking about acquiring stuff.

Why, you may ask? I don't know. I've never been one to be impressed by someone just because of the stuff he/she has. Material goods aren't usually the best barometer of someone's character.

Maybe it's because I've come to realize that it's okay to have a decent car, maybe a nice boat or jetski, maybe a nice RV to tow the boat somewhere and go camping?

Or maybe it's cause I'm pretty much a confirmed bachelor, and should have some toys? Here's a list(very partial) of what I want to acquire yet:

1)A nice(92-current) Crown Vic or Merc Grand Marquis.
2)A mid 80s Mercedes 190E.
3)25-35 ft. motorhome, RV, whatever ya wanna call it.
4)Couple of ATVs and a trailer to haul em around on.
5)Couple of 3 seater jetskis.
6)18-22 foot runabout boat.
7)94-01 Dodge pickup.
8)10 acres of land and a pole building to store all this crap.
9)Some really cool guns.

Given time, I can come up with several more things, I'd bet.

So, the burning internal question, for me anyways, is:

IS it greedy of me to go out and buy this stuff, or should I ignore the feeling and go buy what I wanna because damn it, I EARNED IT? The more I think about it, the more I lean towards the latter. Screw guilt. I work hard, I deserve to be able to play too.

Oddly, this started around the time that NEEG and I split up. Maybe I'm trying to compensate for something?

Or maybe I should quit thinking so freakin' much?

Yeah. Maybe that's the ticket.

More later, if I feel like it.

I'm Captain Kirk.

2006-07-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Take the Star Trek Quiz

So, yeah. Things are afoot. I'll write more about it as it reveals itself. Sunday should be an interesting day, to say the least.

Happy B-day, USA!

2006-07-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

Even the Canadians got into celebrating America's b-day. Clicky pic for larger.

More pics in my Flickr album.

So, anyway, America turned 230 years old. W00t! Oh, and a giant 'neener neener neener' to the terrorist assholes who think they can destroy what countless other dingdongs have tried 'n failed to do.

In other words: Suck it, terrorists.

My tent showed up today, so tomorrow after work I'm gonna play with that, then go work on the 'ski some. I need to put some uprights on it so I can see the trailer when I'm putting it in the water. I'm also going to add a couple more tiedown points on the trailer, can't have too many of those. Finally, I plan on adding a jack to the front so I won't have to keep lifting the freakin' trailer to hook it to the PartsMobile.

Well, I'd write more crap, but I've got to pay the bills, which usually puts me in a cruddy mood, so until next time.

May the Bluebird of Happiness crap on your car.

Ask Mr PartsGuy

2006-06-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

So, a few more people have decided to bring their burning questions to me, the PartsGuy, and my crack (or is that cracked?) PartsGuy Research Staff for the answers they need. Sadly, I have much to cover today, plus, only one of the questions was legible, so here it is:

From Sick O'Waiting, from lovely Passaic, NJ;

Dear Mr PartsGuy:

My lovely GF is damned near FLAWLESS, except for one minor flaw. If we go to the grocery store, it takes her FOREVER to get the stuff she wants, and get out, whereas if I go myself, it takes roughly 15 minutes.

My question is: Is there any way I can get her to speed up the process??

Dear Mr O'Waiting:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
(deep breath)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Err, umm, sorry.

Ahem.

Your GF's, shall we say, glacial progress in the grocery store, actually, any store at all, is genetically imprinted. You'd have better luck shaving a yak during the rut. Shaving the yak would probably be a lot less painful too.

The bottom line here is: Do you wish to see her naked ever again? Then do what every man has had to do: Suck it up, and try to go to your happy place. Think CAMPING.

Which brings us to our next subject to cover.

Your humble PartsGuy has become slightly enamored of camping. I rather enjoy the silence, and not having anything important to do other than set up the campsite. To that end, I splurged and got a tent off Amazon.com for 44 bucks. Sweet.

Speaking of Amazon, I recently discovered that my Wish List there is still active. Sweet. I've now added some junk to it, mostly videogames because I've yet to grow up. As I've said before, I've tried maturity, and frankly, I don't recommend it. I'm not going to publish it, though I may in the future.

Today I went with the NEEG to Gander Mountain because she wanted to buy a compass. Now, getting me to go to Gander is about as difficult as convincing me to eat a Porterhouse steak.

In other words, it's easy as pie. I can happily wander around Gander for hours. Today was no different. I found 3 guns I'd like to have, some cool camping stuff, and a nice Arctic Cat ATV.

I'm here to tell you, if I had my jetski paid off, I'd be getting an ATV. There's an awesome trail about 10 minutes from Stately PartsGuy Manor. Goes for miles and miles, plus there's other places not too far from here either.

As I was ~~drooling over~~ scoping out the ATVs, a familar face walked by. I called out her name, and damned if it wasn't her! 'Twas an old friend's ex-wife, who I hadn't seen in about 10 years or so.

Happily, she's doing well, and it turns out the old friend has cleaned up his act a wee bit, which is a good thing indeed.

The jetski was taken out last week for its maiden voyage. All went well, except for the fact that I'm a wee bit heavy for the machine, which I hope to remedy this year.

She's a wee bit tippy, and if you're not giving her the respect she deserves, into the drink you go. Don't ask me how I know this.

I need to get back into shape so getting back on isn't such a daunting task.

She's a bit slow to get on plane, but when she does, WOW! Off you go like a scalded cat! I plan on doing a GPS run to see how fast the beast actually goes.

I'm thinking such a wondrous beast deserves a name that suits her. I'm open to suggestions.

And last, but not least, I'm in the middle of developing something called "Embracing Your Inner Og". It'll be a self help thing for men, only done PartsGuy style. Look for it in the near future.

As always, may the Bluebird Of Happiness crap on your car.

Stuff.

2006-06-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

So, the other weekend, your humble PartsGuy was invited to go camping. Now, my usual idea of roughing it is a hotel with no pool, so actually sleeping where there's no electricity is something I usually don't partake in.

What a damned fool I've been.

It's been a long time since I've been that relaxed, unless I was at my buddy's house about 1/2 hour out of town. Wow.

We camped out in the travel trailer my buddy's mother had given him. Wasn't as bad as I thought, though I think those trailers are designed for people who're a bit less portly than I.

Anyways.

It rained a great deal of the time we were there, but I'd brought plenty of reading material, so no big deal. Amazing how getting away from the noise and hustle brought such peace.

Now I'm thinking about getting a motorhome. Sigh.

I'm gonna start out small, and get a tent and air mattress, see if I really am up for the motorhome thing. If so, after the 'ski gets paid off, I'll look around a lil bit.

Speaking of the 'ski, went over yesterday, put the numbers on, dumped in some gas and fired it up. Took a couple tires, but she fired up. Now I just gotta put on a flushing kit so I can run it on the hose and make sure everything's tip-top before I go for a ride.

So, in summary, I need to go get a second job to buy all the toys I wanna get!! Urgh.

Interesting place to go babewatching.

2006-06-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

So, anyways.

NEEG decided she needed to go to the local Organic grocery place and get some bizarre noodle type concoction for lunches at work. Being one who believes that new experiences are a good thing, I went along.

She picks up this noodle thing, and says " look at this. " It's Chicken Sesame, or something of that nature, and it's VEGETARIAN. Ain't that something? I'm gonna take a wild stab at it, and place its taste somewhere between vile and disgusting.

So, while she's putzing around trying to figure out what to have for dinner, I happened to notice something. There were a LOT of very attractive ladies. Also, as it's a bit warm out, said ladies weren't wearing very much.

Your humble correspondent VERY much likes summertime.

So, here stands your humble PartsGuy, in a store FULL of people whose beliefs are about the exact opposite of mine. I was half tempted to yell "I VOTED FOR BUSH BOTH TIMES!!!!" just to see what would happen.

While I was there, I discovered they actually carried MEAT. As a cynical bastard who expects anyplace called the Whole Foods Co-op to have 800 different kinds of granola, veggie burgers up the ol' wazoo,~~and 15 thousand stinky hippies,~~ this was nothing short of a religious experience.

So, I cleaned up the 'ol Foreman grill, tossed one on.

Wow. I was astonished by the taste. Awesome. I'd picked up some grassfed beef, sold by www.thousandhillscattleco. No chemicals, preservatives, or anything. Try it. Good stuff.

I was gonna write some funny stuff about playing pranks on telemarketers, but I think I'll save that for another time.

Memorial day 2006

2006-05-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

The Memorial Day weekend is just about over, and I have a few thoughts about it.

Hopefully this finds everyone safe and sound after pigging out on much barbecued food 'n tasty drinks.

Hopefully we've all stopped to reflect on the sacrifices made by ordinary Americans to keep the US a free country. I know I have.

Hopefully the Iraqi insurgents will soon taste defeat, and we can all rejoice in another country being free from the heavy thumb of tyranny.

Hopefully, this will cause more countries to become free.

Hopefully, my nieces and nephews will never have to serve our country during an armed conflict.

Hopefully, nobody else's nieces and nephew will either.

Hopefully, I won't have to go to another friend's funeral.

Hopefully, they won't be attending mine.

I'll probably write more stuff later, but for now, it's frickin' gorgeous outside. I'm gonna head out and enjoy it.

Thoughts on various issues in the PartsGuy's life.

2006-05-13T17:03:00.000-07:00

In the comments to an earlier post, one of my readers suggested a selloff of my diecast collection, then I'd have money for the down payment on a house, and the jetski I wanted.

First off, the jetski.

That's no longer an issue, as your humble PartsGuy this week found and purchased a Tigershark Barracuda. I figured I'd need a cosigner, but nope, they had no problems writing a check for it. W00t!!

Now it just needs to warm up so I can hit the water and have some fun. Can't wait.

As to the house issue, I HAVE been giving this a TON of consideration as of late. I'm doing fairly well in my job, I'm putting away bucks every month, etc. One of, if not the main sticking points is: Do I REALLY want to spend the rest of my life here?

The town I live in DOES have its problems, but that's ANY town, city, etc. The winters suck, but I usually have enough other things that can be done inside, so I'm not cooped up going berserk. Well, mostly, anyway. Most of my family is here, as in my nieces and 2 of my 3 nephews, and the thought of being far away from them is not one I like.

Another argument for it is that I'm paying $X for rent now, why not apply that amount to something that I'D own, and would be building equity in?

I'm about 1/2way convinced as it sits. I have a friend who lives in a small town 20 or so miles south of here, and EVERY time I go there, I just sit, inhale the fresh, pine scented air, and wonder why in God's green earth do I live in the city?

Quite an interesting problem, yes? I'm not too sure of the solution at this point. If I were to decide to up and leave, I have to find a way to weasel out of my lease, and then boogie, most likely losing my security deposit. OR, if the place I was living in was mine, then I could rent it out for enough to make the mortgage payments, OR sell outright and take whatever equity I'd earned and split. I'm also losing out on the tax advantages of owning a home as well as not being able to modify the dwelling to my liking. Plus, I'd have a garage of my very own to store my toys in!

Hmm. I shall have to consult with my advisors before I make a decision.

As ever, time will tell.

I will keep you posted.

Another reason Bobby Bonds sucks ass.

2006-05-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

From SI.com:

"PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Carlos Oliveras has a home run ball specially marked to assure authenticity. It just doesn't have Barry Bonds' autograph as the slugger refused to sign the ball."

Ok, already I'm thinking, "jeesh, what a jackass."

"He said he is a Bonds fan and would probably keep the ball. He hoped it would have Bonds' signature. Bonds said no when he was asked at his news conference if he would sign the ball if a fan wanted an autograph. Moments later, when an official asked if there were any more questions, Oliveras piped up: "Will you sign my ball?"

Bonds smirked and said nothing.(my emphasis)

Ok, here's my take. Bonds is nothing more than a 'roid chugging goon, whose run at the Babe's record, to me, is TOTALLY meaningless, and shouldn't even be kept track of.

To me, refusing to sign this guy's ball is just another chapter in the Bobby Bonds Is A Complete Douchebag story.

Oliveras joins the service, and most likely takes risks on his job that would make Bonds sweat in his Gucci loafers, and for a LOT less pay a year than the Giants give Bonds a year in per diem money. Signing the ball would have taken, what, a MINUTE out of Bonds' day?? SCREW him, Mark McGuire, and all the rest of those chemically enhanced assholes. They can all get cancer and die, and I wouldn't be able to give 1/1,000,000,000,000th of a damn about any of them.

So, as far as I'm concerned , Bobby Bonds is a douchebag.

End of Rant.

Things on the PartsGuy's mind.

2006-05-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

Country Music: Can't stand 99.999999% of it, which is just garbage(coincedentally, just like Top 40 music these days) All you hear on the radio these days is manufactured garbage, with lyrics about the most asinine things. It's one of the reasons I listen to a lot of instrumental stuff.

Little known fact: Most country artists don't write their own material. Look at the band members' names, then look at the songwriter(s) names. More often than not, they ain't the same person. Often, the band doesn't even PLAY on their own albums. THAT is grade A bull.

If you're old enough to remember the days when MTV (another joke in itself) actually played music videos, then you possibly remember C+C music factory. Seems some people got in a wee bit of an uproar because the woman in the video, and the one who did the singing were 2 different people. The one doing the singing was a rather large lady, while the one in the video wasn't. Imagine that. Their videos were just as BS as their "music".

Needless to say, I was quite happy when they went by the wayside. Music 'Factory' indeed. Like a good song can be bolted together like a damn car!!!! I laughed when they split up. One hit wonders.

Any one of my readers feel like cuttin' the PartsGuy a check for about, oh, $3k?? If you do, I'll be more than happy to send you a picture of me riding the Seadoo your generous contribution would buy.

Golly gee willikers, what a gorgeous 'ski. The worst part is, it's EXACTLY the one I wanted, in the EXACT color scheme. AHHHHHH!!!!

S'okay. The guy selling it is a buddy of mine who sells 'em on the side, and he's got his eyes open for a cheap ski for your favorite PartsGuy. Of course, if'n you WANTED to send a check, it wouldn't get turned down...

Well, enoug of that for one night.

I discovered a cool magazine I HAVE to tell you guys about. It's called Dirt Sports, and it covers all sorts of racing vehicles that DON'T have NASCAR on the sides (there's a rant for another day). Your humble PartsGuy is a sucker for offroad racing, and if there's one on during one of my VERY rare TV watching episodes, I'm watchin it.

www.dirtsportsmag.com

Check it out.

My r/c vehicle collection grew with the addition of a Traxxas Rustler stadium truck. I'll have pics of it sooner or later. I once bought a road car, while it's fun to wail around on the street, there's just something to be said for going into the dirt and throwing rooster tails all over the place. Dirt is where it's at, people. W00t!!! I always seem to feel so much better after a nice session of roostin' and slidin'. I need to do it more often, as the weather will allow.

That's enough for one night, methinks. I'm off to bed.

You know, I'm bloody sick of having to come up with titles!! EVERY damned time I go to post, I have to come up with some clever title!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!

2006-04-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

Ok. I got that out of my system. Kewl.

Today was a decent day. I hit my sales goal for the month, so tomorrow I will stand at work and bask in the glory and adulation of, well, absolutely nobody. Sigh.

I have decided that I am going to develop a useful little device to help people become better drivers.

What, you may ask, would trigger the PartsGuy's desire to help his fellow man achieve automotive nirvana? Has the PartsGuy's benevolent side risen to the surface once again, to help lead the world into a better, brighter day? IS IT TRUE???

Frankly, no.

I'm just tired of driving places at night, and having the interior of my car lit up like the Christmas lights on the Griswold's house in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Call me selfish.

Anyway, my little invention will be a tiny sign that lights up when you flip the switch. I'll probably have a selection of messages for you to choose from, handy, gentle phrases such as:

TURN YOUR HIGHBEAMS OFF, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
HEY DUMBASS!! TURN YOUR HIGHBEAMS OFF!!!
ARE YOU A RETARD?? YOUR HIGHBEAMS ARE ON!!
YOU!! MORON!! TURN THE F%$KING HIGHBEAMS OFF!!

Apparently, the little blue light on your gauge cluster is too confusing for some people.

What brought this on, you may ask?

Well, your humble PartsGuy was returning from a trip to the hobby shop, snarfing up some r/c car goodies for the new toy PartsDad provided him with(thanks!!!) followed by a delightful dinner and a trip to B&N.

Keep in mind we returned home well after dark.

While sitting at a stoplight, some Audi Driving Yuppie Asshole(ADYA for short) pulled up on the PartsMobile with his highbeams blazing. Several people flashing their brights had no effect on this jackass. I flicked my mirror to no avail. This is one of the times that you fantasize about throwing your vehicle in reverse and turning the lights off for him.

Sadly, it seems to be a growing trend. I think people just don't care about being good drivers anymore. I blame Oprah. And Rosie O'Donnell.(gag, hack, spit)

Anyhow.

I got a new battery charger and battery for my new R/C truck, so now I have to find the perfect body for it. I'm thinkin a nice Chevy pickup one would be kewl. I'll have to try 'n get some pics of it shreddin' the dirt like a crazed weasel.

More later.

Some people make me nuts.

2006-04-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

What is the deal with people doing 45 mph on the freeway? WHY must they do this in the left lane?? Am I the only one who's noticed that they do 45 EVERYWHERE????

These people should be smeared with bananas, and tossed into a cage with a horny gorilla.

That would amuse me greatly.

Anyhoo, I see that the DEA agent who shot himself in the foot is suing the government for letting the tape get onto the 'net.

I say screw him. Why should he be rewarded for being STUPID? As far as I'm concerned, if you DON'T follow the rules of firearm safety, LIKE TREATING EVERY FIREARM AS IF IT'S LOADED, then you deserve whatever happens to you. Personally, if I ran the DEA, this frickin genius would have been fired within 12 hours.

I'm willing to bet this guy is one of the cops in this country who thinks that non-cops shouldn't be allowed to carry firearms.

Anyways, it seems Agent Einstein feels a wee bit humiliated. Awwwwwwwww. As I said before, screw him. Any jury with an ounce of common sense should laugh him out of the courtroom.

Frankly, I resent this dipshit wasting taxpayers' money. If it goes to court and he DOES win, then the DEA should sue for reimbursement of any money they paid for his medical care.

I'm tired of people trying to make a buck off their own stupidity, especially when the money they're suing for is going to come out of taxpayer pockets.

In which the PartsGuy plays automotive journalist.

2006-04-10T19:26:00.000-07:00

First, Chrysler brought us the Challenger concept car, to great fanfare and much drooling by those of us who eat, breathe, and live cars. Were DCX to build this bad-lookin' mammajamma, which the rumor mill says stands a GOOD chance of happening, they'd sell a kabillion of the things, ESPECIALLY if they managed to get it out the door for under $25k. Think about it; a RWD coupe with a 6 speed manual tranny, and the Hemi engine to boot? 17 year old boys are busy thinkin' about how many 17 year old girls they'd be getting into the backseat!!

But of course, we're enlightened now, so I suppose I should say 17 year old girls are busy thinkin' about how many 17 year old boys they can get in the backseat!

Yeah, whatever.

I mean, LOOK at this thing:

Can we say BOO-YAH? Imagine rolling up to pick up yer prom date in one of these in black. Your date's father would grab the 12 gauge, because you're obviously bad, BAD news.

On the bright side, chicks(and their moms) will dig you. A LOT. Which, as we all know, is a 17 year old male's reason for existence. Well, that, and eating pizza as much as possible.

So, our good friends at General Motors, not to be left out of the festivities, bring back one of THEIR storied nameplates from the dead for their concept car.

That's right..the Camaro. What American male worth his testosterone didn't want one? I sure did. And here's what the General hath wrought:

OK, what your humble correspondent would like to know is:

WHO in the GM organization is responsible for this? This is, without a doubt, the WORST example of GM nameplate recycling since the Nova of the early 80's!!!!

That thing, you may recall, was basically a Toyota Corolla. Gag. I STILL haven't forgiven GM for that. I probably never will.

The person, or persons, responsible for this design should be taken out and severely BEATEN. REPEATEDLY.

This thing is the UGLIEST blob of CRAP I've seen in a LONG time, and I was around when AMC was building cars, for cripe's sakes!! AMC cars were a special kind of ugly, too!!

But, the Camaro concept has them ALL beat by about 6500 country miles. It's THAT ugly!!

My promise to you: If GM goes ahead and builds this vile heap of garbage, and it closely resembles this rolling elephant's dungheap, I will PERSONALLY vomit copiously on every one I can. Further, I also promise to buy a share of General Motors stock, and blow my nose on the stock certificate, and then I will send a picture of it to Bob Lutz, who one hopes will provide this concept with the mercy killing it's absolutely SCREAMING to receive!! I can't find the right way to describe how hideous this thing is. GAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!!!

On the bright side, GM'll probably price the thing so high that most people won't be able to afford one.

So, to recap: Dodge Challenger GOOD. Camaro= TERRIBLE. Your humble PartsGuy gives it 2 thumbs down with an order of GAAAAK!!

This slightly irks me.

2006-04-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

So, I've been sittin here, writing a post in my mind about making illegal aliens citizens. I'm not going to be able to add anything that already hasn't been said, so I'll just throw in my 2 cents. This bill should NOT become law. They're here ILLEGALLY, and they should NOT be rewarded for breaking the law. I don't know WHAT GW was thinking. It's NUTS.

And apparently, we shouldn't march in protest against this while carrying the American flag, as it might be OFFENSIVE to Mexican nationals, while they can wave the Mexican flag INSIDE OUR BORDERS.

Too bad the USAF can't 'accidentally' drop a tank of napalm on these jackasses. Wouldn't bother me very much.

As a matter of fact, here's a 'lil proposal for you.

Go find a place that sells American flag decals. Get one. Stick it on yer car. There's one on the PartsMobile. Tell yer friends, hell, tell yer enemies too. Pass it along.

Screw anyone who don't like it. Last time I checked, it was still a free country.

If GW REALLY wants to win some fans, he'd tell us the info gathered by getting these people to file the paperwork was so the US could round these people up and ship their butts back across the border.

Sounds cruel? Maybe. But think about it: When some illegal gets hit by a car trying to cross a street somewhere, and gets hauled to an American hospital, guess who pays the bill? Certainly not him. It's sad when someone who's here ILLEGALLY has better health care access than a legal citizen.

Scratch sad, it's bloody well pathetic.

What I find REALLY disgusting is the fact that the President referred to the Minutemen as 'vigilantes' for volunteering their time and risking their safety doing a job that THE GOVERNMENT is supposed to be doing. Maybe we need MORE Minutemen on the border.

But hey, what do I know?

Originally, I was gonna post about a bunch of things that irritate me, but I'm lazy, and don't feel like typing all of it. So there.

So, I'll just finish by noting that more blog changes are coming as I find them and test for usefulness. It's all good, so stay tuned.

Weekend fun.

2006-04-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

Saturday, I went Geocaching with the Non-Evil Ex-Girlfriend(NEEG) and her buddy who wanted to come along. We managed 4 finds in 4 hours, which ain't too shabby.

NEEG decided to get herself a new car, which we took on our lil adventure. NEEG's new car has a manual transmission, which she's getting the hang of. She only stalled it twice, both instances bringing much hilarity. Other opportunities for laughs at her expense were taken as they came.

NEEG's buddy brought along his roomie's dog, who helped in our cache hunting efforts by stopping approximately every 850 feet and either going to the bathroom, or sniffing trees.

I managed to get some pictures of various things. I posted a couple on the Flickr site for you to see.

Later that night, we headed to the Evil Empire to acquire some supplies. After bringing in many things, I decided to assist UN by bringing in a case of pop for him. This caused Ouchies in a tender area. I decided to wait until the morning to see if things improved painwise, which they did. Still, I decided that going to the ER to check things out would be a very good thing.

So, off I went.

Just ONCE, if I have to be checked for a hernia, I would like the doctor to be female, and semi-attractive. Just once.

Such was not the case. Not a hernia, though. Just a lil strain is all. W00t! I went to pick up a scrip for some medicine, and was rewarded for my earlier ickiness by the appearance of several attractive pharmacy ladies. All is now well.

You know, I promised some funny, and this post didn't bring any. I humbly apologize.

I'm going to blame the time change.

New stuff.

2006-04-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

So, for your viewing enjoyment, or complete repulsion, whichever, I've started placing some pictures on Flickr.com.

That's why the neat new button over that way. It's green. You'll find it. ==>

Ain't that peachy??

So, now, not only do you get written Creamy Goodness, you get VISUAL Creamy Goodness too!!

Will the miracles of the 'Net never cease?? W00t!

Now, on to some other stuff:

On the side is a neato lil signup for The PartsGuy Mailing List. Be the first on your block to know when I publish new, fresh crap!! Sign up today!! ALL the cool kids are doin' it!!!

Also, each and every post has a neato lil button that allows you to leave a comment . Use 'em to let me know how I can improve your PartsGuy experience, or even to tell me I suck, and should probably be locked in a room with rabid weasels. It's all good. If you're REALLY lucky, I might even respond!! HOW can you pass up such a deal??? Of course, if you so wish, you could send me linkies to really good noodie pics, but that's not an absolute requirement.

Later, I shall write a little bit about my weekend adventures. I promise it'll bring the funny, or at least make you glad you're not me.

Interesting linky

2006-03-29T18:23:00.000-08:00

I was sent this link in an email. Interesting stuff.

http://www.alainsnewsletter.com/article.php?id=272

Go read it.

More later. I don't feel like writing anything tonight.

Sunday.

2006-03-26T10:26:00.000-08:00

So, it's Sunday here at Stately PartsGuy Manor.

I'm feeling sorta domestic today, so I'm taking a break from cleaning to throw up this lil post.

As of 3/17, I'm Uncle PartsGuy yet again, another PartsNephew!! W00t!!

Went over and got some pics for PartsDad 'n emailed 'em off, all's well there. I'd forgotten to remind them of the #1 PartsGuy Rule for Babysitting, which is this:

I do NOT babysit until they're toilet trained. Uncle PartsGuy does NOT, repeat, NOT change diapers of any child he wasn't involved in the production of. Period. It's a good rule, works for me.

You'll notice under the Linkies section, I've put up a couple more. One's for Dad Gone Mad, which I found while surfing aimlessly. This guy is SERIOUSLY funny. I read through the archives and laughed like hell more than once. That's good for a link in my book.

The second link is for Richard Cheese and his band, Lounge Against The Machine. This band does lounge style covers of various tunes by Disturbed, Sir Mix-A-Lot, and others. You may think it's stupid, but to play the tunes they do lounge style takes some SERIOUS musicianship. Download the Jimmy Kimmel Show appearance, and you'll see what I mean. Also good for a link in my book.

And now, housework calls. At least after I'm done here, I can go tinker with the PartsMobile for a little bit. Maybe I'll even get ambitious and go wash it too.

More later after dinner, unless I fall asleep in my chair.

So, yeah. life ain't too bad.

2006-03-15T20:29:00.000-08:00

I started a different position at my shop this week. It's kewl. I deal with wholesale customers from 8-5 M-F. It's WEIRD to leave work without closing the shop down. WEIRD. Hell, it's odd leaving work while it's still daylight out!!!

I'm adjusting nicely, though. ;)

So, I went out and bought Black the day it came out. GREAT game. The only complaint I have is about the LOOOOOOOONG opening credits that you can't bypass. I've since taken to starting the game, then running to the bathroom or something while it loads. I'm not very good at video games, matter of fact, I usually end up getting my clock cleaned by some 8 year old kid. Still fun, though. I ended up taking my PS2 to a buddy's place one night, and we took turns going through sections of the game. Fun.

I'll post some more crap later this week, probably.

'Black' is here!!

2006-03-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

So, after work Tuesday, UN and I headed out to Applebee's for some dinner type consumables, then over to the Evil Empire, doing our part to keep the local economy going.

Our server had a VERY cute lil tushie. The rest of her wasn't bad either.

I know. I'm a dirty old man. Sue me.

Anyways.

So after that, off to the Evil Empire. This was one of the FEW times I regretted selling my Jeep, as there was a fun looking lil hill covered with snow that would have provided us with a shortcut.

I may have to acquire a lil Blazer or something for just that purpose. We'll see.

Anyways, I picked up my copy of Black, and after some wandering around, we headed back to Stately PartsGuy Manor, and I put the game on my desk for tonight when I'd have time to sit and play with it a bit.

Wow. This game is a HOME RUN. Tons of shooting stuff up, killing bad guys, and explosions galore!! It's especially awesome if you run your PS2's sound through a home stereo.

I finished up the session by getting killed, and immediately emailed some buds telling them to get this game. IT'S THAT GOOD.

If you like First Person Shooters, then you MUST get this.

I don't have anything else to say, so I shall skedaddle and get some sleep.

May the bluebird of happiness crap on your car.

I'm cranky.

2006-02-26T20:56:00.000-08:00

I would like someone to explain to me why you would allow your child to scream at the top of its lungs in public, when you sure wouldn't allow that type of behavior at home.

Tonight, I went to the local Caucasian Refuse Sanctuary(Walmart), and we could hear this kid hollering for whatever reason from halfway across the store. The kid's got a future as a singer, for sure. Mom is standing there attempting to convince the kid to put a jacket on, and the kid's having none of it.

Is it just me, or is attempting to negotiate ANYTHING with a 2-3 year old a complete waste of time? I'm standing and rooting for mom to haul off and belt the kid. I'm also sure I wasn't the only one. Grandma is busy trying to put away the powered shopping cart, and is absolutely useless.

So, my buddy and I follow this happy lil family out the door. We' re watching this sorta close, as we'd figured as much as the kid was screamin, her head was gonna start spinning around any second, and pea soup all over the place. No such luck.

I generally don't condone beating the crap out of kids, but in that case, I sure would have understood mom layin' the smack down.

I would have cheered.

In happy news: Black for PS2 will be released Tuesday. I can't WAIT!!

So, ummm, yeah.

2006-02-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

So, I've been doin' the Ebay thing again, adding to my diecast collection.

I lost out on what would have been an awesome addition to my collection because I was at work when it ended. DAMN having to put in hours workin' for the man!!

Ah well. Another chance will come. I'm patient. At this rate, my niece and nephews will inherit an awesome collection when I croak.

Side note: I saw a Hot Wheels Jeep CJ8 in mint condition go for like, $75. Im kicking myself for losing the one I had.

On the video game front:

I managed to get a copy of Splashdown: Rides Gone Wild from overstock.com. W00t!!

12 days till the release of Black for PS2. From what I've read, and seen on the internet, this may be one of the top 10 games EVER for PS2, in this blogger's humble opinion. I can't WAIT.

My apologies for a post full of fluff. It's been a LONG freakin month so far at work. Hopefully, all the bullshit having to do with the conversion to another company will end soon. Cross your fingers for my sanity remaining intact.

Some movie stars should just STFU.

2006-02-09T18:27:00.000-08:00

For the most part, I consider most TV and movie stars to be complete idiots who'd be street sweepers if they weren't famous. Case in point from contactmusic.com:

GWYNETH PALTROW prefers living in London to Los Angeles, because British people are "more intelligent and civilised".

OK, sure, Gwyneth. Tell that to Scotland. Oh, and call us during the next soccer riot, willya? Also, you may wish to read this article before you open your stupid mouth again.

More intelligent? You and your hubby named your kid 'Apple'. Oh, and your husband's band sucks. Do us a favor and freakin' disappear from the public eye, will you? PLEASE????

Apparently Gwyneth and her braindead hubby are going to have another lil' curtain climber. I wonder what absolutely moronic name they'll saddle this poor kid with.

An old article I once read quoted her as commenting how she couldn't imagine working since she had the first kid. I'm thinking we shoulda got that in writing.

Make sure you pass this story on to your friends. More people should know this woman thinks we Americans are stupid barbarians.

Then, we can not go to movies she stars in, because we wouldn't wish to offend her with our stupid, barbaric presence. We probably shouldn't buy any more of her hubby's band's material(Coldplay, in case you didn't know) because we might offend him too.

Pretty civilized, don't you think??

I do like my lil' bloggin toys.

2006-02-08T17:35:00.000-08:00

Like this one:

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		53%
Stability		50%
Orderliness		43%
Accommodation		56%
Interdependence		50%
Intellectual		36%
Mystical		23%
Artistic		36%
Religious		10%
Hedonism		36%
Materialism		50%
Narcissism		56%
Adventurousness		43%
Work ethic		70%
Self absorbed		43%
Conflict seeking		63%
Need to dominate		36%

Romantic		30%
Avoidant		50%
Anti-authority		56%
Wealth		30%
Dependency		23%
Change averse		70%
Cautiousness		56%
Individuality		56%
Sexuality		50%
Peter pan complex		70%
Physical security		90%
Physical Fitness		10%
Histrionic		36%
Paranoia		43%
Vanity		23%
Hypersensitivity		43%
Female cliche		36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

And this one:

Your Birthdate: December 26

You lucked out the the skills to succeed in almost any arena.
Put you in almost any business or classroom, and you'll rise to the top.
You're driven and intense, but you also know when to kick back and cooperate.
Your ability to adapt to almost any situation is part of what's going to make you a success.

Your strength: Your attention to detail

Your weakness: You can be a little too proud of your successes

Your power color: Turquoise

Your power symbol: Arrow pointing up

Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

One thing I DON'T like having to do is edit someone's shitty HTML coding to make the thing show up right. Such is life in the big city.

The PartsGuy as Maximum Leader test went ok. Nobody died. I'm more than happy to hand over the reins, but I'll miss going to the bank and seeing the teller with long brown hair and nice brown eyes. Sigh.

Speaking of brown hair and gorgeous eyes, Andrea, if'n you read this, get hold of me and lemme know how you're doin, ok??

I'm sorta tired, as I was getting up at 5:30 so's I could head into work a bit early and get the paperwork crap ironed out before the store opened. I don't have to be in till 12:30 tomorrow, so I think I'll be sleeping late.

You watch, 6 am, I'll be wide awake.

New thinger on the side.

2006-02-07T18:28:00.001-08:00

I decided to put the lil button on the side saying 'I am Pro-Victory'. Click it 'n go see what other people have to say.

While your humble PartsGuy is rather partial to peace, quiet, cute furry puppies, and stuff like that, I also realize, and I wish more people would understand, is sometimes, you gotta go kick some ass. I've been saying since oh, I don't know, FOREVER that terrorists need to be exterminated like the cockroaches they are.

I'm not going to get into the political side of it, because one, plenty of other people, much smarter than I am already have; and two, it makes your PartsGuy cranky.

Ok, crankiER.

So, anyway, brief summary time.

Cute furry puppies= GOOD.
Terrorists, and the assholes who support them, BAD!

Oh, and Rosie O'Donnell is still a fat ugly pig who should be run over by a bus.

Work. Ugh.

2006-02-07T16:44:00.000-08:00

So, the PartsGuy as Maximum Leader thing is rapidly coming to a close. I'm ok with that. It's not too horrible, I for SURE don't mind leaving at 5 instead of 7:30.

I'm not crazy about getting up at 5:30, though.

I plan on sleeping in my first day off.

Wow! 2 days in a row!

2006-02-04T19:58:00.000-08:00

The first day of your humble PartsGuy being in charge went well. This scares me. I only have to make it to next Thursday when the boss gets back.

I got left some projects to do, 3 stocklifts and a relabel project. 2 of the 3 stocklifts are done. My plan is to get as much of it done as I can tomorrow, so they're out of the way. I'm planning on sticking a couple of the guys on the relabel while I handle the last stocklift. We'll see how that goes. I'm hoping to have the last lift done tomorrow, in between shuffling paperwork and other crap.

I got my stock purchase statement today. As of 12/30/05, I own almost 13 shares of the company. PartsGuy= future mogul? Who knows. I maxed out my contribution to the plan, as I figure if it goes right off the top, I won't miss it. It'd be nice to be able to buy about 15 shares or so per quarter. Woohoo.

Your humble PartsGuy also managed to get his taxes finished. The refund will be more than enough to get the digital SLR camera I've been lusting after since PartsDad let me try his:

Ain't it pretty?? It's the Nikon D50. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my Minolta Z2, I just want something that'll let me get better pics for actually printing off, instead of seeing them all on my computer.

I REALLY would like to print off a few pics to keep, just in case my computer gets nailed with another virus that causes me to lose all my pics. I could care less about the pics of naked chicks, but to lose the pics of a dear friend who passed away REALLY corks my butt.

So, tomorrow is day 2 of the PartsGuy In Command Challenge. Should make for some interesting reading later this week. One of the days is going to be absolutely hellish. It's ok though, as I relish the idea. Bring it on.

In video game news:

Criterion Games says 'Black' will be released Feb 21st. I can't wait.

Other stuff:

If you have a broadband connection, then go here. Download the video of Keith Olberman taking the piss out of Bill O'Reilly. Incredibly funny!!! I had tears from laughing so hard.

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/01/31.html#a6951

I'd LOVE to know what that ~~braying jackass~~ dipdunk thought about the potshots Olbermann took. About time someone gave back what that bullying asshole dishes out.

I'm willing to bet O'Reilly whines like a girl.

Various things.

2006-02-03T20:30:00.000-08:00

The boss heads out for Houston tomorrow for a manager's conference. That leaves me running the show for the better part of a week. Then we've got a store remodel coming up too. I sense that Feb is going to be Hell Month. 1st week of March might be vacation time.

I've decided I'd like to have ~~my own private armory~~ a couple of firearms laying around Stately PartsGuy Manor. I'm a collector, what can I say?

A quick tour of impactguns.com pulled up some fine choices.

In the rifle category:

Remington 710 in 30.06. I like it, so that's reason enough to get one.

In the shotgun category:

Maverick Arms 88 in 12 gauge.18" barrel. Good stuff. Either this, or a Remington 870 in black.

In the handgun category, for the day when WI DOES manage to get a concealed carry law enacted, I'll prob carry one of these.

Glock 17, in 9mm. I like the design. Good enough reason to get one, yes?

There's a whole mess of other stuff I'd like to have. I'll post up a few now and then when I ~~run out of decent ideas for a post~~ find ones I like.

Well, that's about all for tonight. I've gotta be up at about 6:15 in the morning(ugh!) to go open the shop and haul in the night freight. Wish me luck, for the next week should prove VERY interesting indeed.

I'm still here.

2006-01-31T19:51:00.000-08:00

So, anyways.

The WI House failed to override Gov. Doyle's veto.

By two votes.

Damned fools, they are. I'm waiting to see how the rep for my district voted. If he voted like I think he did, he's in for a nastygram. We'll see.

On the bright side, I'm thinkin I'll be buying a gun of some sort with my WI tax refund this year. Screw you, ~~Commissar~~ Governor Doyle.

I'm thinking a nice Glock should fill the bill.

I'm a Corvette, baby!

2006-01-26T07:54:00.000-08:00

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

And now, for something different.

2006-01-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

From the website of a local TV station:

"More details continue to come out surrounding the death of a Superior woman this weekend, that police are calling a possible homicide.

Police say the suspect in custody lived at the home where he was arrested, which was just across the street from where the victim was found on Saturday.
Officers say the woman had what appeared to be stab wounds when they found her. "

This happened a block away from Stately PartsGuy Manor. Imagine my surprise, walking out to the PartsMobile to grab something, turning around, and seeing yellow tape and cop cars all over the place.

Usually, the area around Stately PartsGuy Manor is fairly quiet, which I like.

Now, there's all sorts of looky-loos rolling by. Sad.
(sarcasm mode= ON)
You know, I'm sure glad that Governor Doyle vetoed the Personal Protection Act. If he hadn't, that poor lady might have been legally carrying a concealed weapon, and would have been able to defend herself against the asshole who killed her. Who knows, she might have killed the bastard outright, and saved the State a ton of money trying the bastard. Can't have that.
(sarcasm mode= OFF)

Thanks, Governor, for making the streets of Wisconsin just a little more safe for rapists, murderers, and other scumbags, while making law-abiding citizens live in fear. As far as I'm concerned, the blood of many innocent people is on your hands. I wonder how you sleep at night knowing YOU are the one who denied the people of WI the tools needed to keep themselves safe. I'll be sure to remember that come your re-election campaign, and I'll be sure to remind people too.

It is my deepest desire that your actions will come back to haunt you come Election Day. I can't wait to see your concession speech. I promise not to laugh myself sick.

BTW, I plan to spend some of my WI tax refund next year to buy myself a nice gun or two. I'll probably send you a picture.

OK, so I forgot something.

2006-01-08T20:19:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention the one thing I did get for Xmas that wasn't clothes.

The Non-Evil Ex-Girlfriend(NEEG for short), brought me a cool lil diecast car back from Greece.

Kewl.

WTF is with people lately?

2006-01-04T15:30:00.000-08:00

Right off the bat, I'll admit I'm in a cranky mood. Having someone you THOUGHT was a friend not even take the 3 seconds to acknowledge your presence kinda pisses a guy off.

Anyway, you'd think I'd know better than to go to the grocery store at 4 pm.

I'm sitting in the PartsMobile, waiting for a parking space to open. As I'm sitting there, This lady finishes unloading her stuff from the cart to the car, shuts the door, then shoves the cart towards the cart corral.

You must understand, the corral was 25 feet away, and MUCH too far to walk.

She shoves the cart towards the corral, and the damn thing doesn't get anywhere NEAR to the corral, but instead smacks into the bumper of an older Buick.

Now, you and I both know had the situation been reversed, and someone shoved a shopping cart into HER car, all hell woulda broken loose. So, I rolled up to her and asked her if she was aware the cart she'd just carelessly shoved off had hit someone else's car.

Her response: " It wasn't me, I don't know what you're talking about!"
My response: " I just watched you do it!"
Her response: " It must have been someone else. It wasn't me!"

Unfreakinreal. So, I get the PartsMobile parked, and head in to grab some stuff to whomp up burritos. Burritos= GOOD.

So, I'm walking through in a pretty good mood now, 'cause they had my favorite flavor of Jelly Belly in stock(W00t!), and I turn a corner and get held up by 3 people, who apparently are confused by all the great bargains to be had, and are standing around their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle. I got around the human roadblock, headed over to grab some tasty ground beef, cause you CAN'T have burritos without beef in 'em. It's just plain wrong.

Anyways, some lady decides she needs to block up the whole section, while the butcher and I are trying to get in, do our thing, and get on the road. Never once does this broad look around to see if she's blocking people.

One of the saddest things about society is, you're not allowed to kick these people. I'm thinkin' the PartsGuy's size 10 in their asses would convince them that getting the hell out of people's way is a good thing. Some people in my area are sadly lacking in manners and common sense. I don't want a gigantic hassle, I just want to get my stuff 'n go home, ya know?

On the good side, the PartsMobile now has a remote starter. Me likey. Also, I made a shopping trip to Barnes & Noble, which always brings me tons of happiness. Me likey.

Also, I got to mess with the receptionist at Great Clips today.

I walked in to get a trim, because your humble PartsGuy likes to look as good as a fat ugly bastard such as himself can look. Granted, that ain't sayin much.

So, she says " Can I help you? "

I say " Yes, I'm here to get my back hair waxed. "

The look on her face was WORTH it. The other people in the waiting area were just dying laughing.

The lady who cut my hair was really nice. I'm thinkin I'll prob get my hair cut there again.

Someday soon, I shall pick out another Fabbo Babe of the Week. Watch for it.

So, um, yeah.

2005-12-30T19:13:00.000-08:00

Finally got the speakers into the PartsMobile. DANG, what a difference!!

I was gonna toss a powered sub into the trunk. Don't need to. Most awesome sounds.

So, all that it really needs to be a sweet ride is to get the windows tinted, and get the rims I got for it on. Next Wednesday, it goes in for a remote starter.

Xmas 2005 is over. W00t. I got some kewl tools from PartsDad, and the rest of it was clothes.

I also got a kewl framed pic of my neice and nephew. Too cool.

So, I got myself some toys for Xmas. I went out and got a couple CDs, and the first season of Airwolf on DVD. I saw a DVD box set of Tour of Duty, but it was like, $100 or something. Someday I'll get that one. I'd LOVE to get the Sopranos on DVD, but DAMN, do they want blood for 'em. Another 'Someday' purchase.

I also ordered a PS2 game called Splashdown: Rides Gone Wild. It's a Jetski racing game, which brings the awesome. I found it used for like, 12 bucks. Score!!

Sometime in 2006, Criterion Games will be releasing " Black " for the PS2. From the trailers I've downloaded from GameTrailers.com, this will be the BEST First Person Shooter EVER!! I'm eagerly awaiting the release, hopefully in the 1st quarter of '06.

Well, I don't feel like posting anymore tonight. So, I'm not gonna.

Fabbo Babe of the Week.

2005-12-19T18:23:00.000-08:00

I know I promised a FBW...and I deliver:

Again, I will only refer to her by an initial.

S is the most fabulous Mistress of Mixology I know. The pic doesn't do her justice.

(try talking her into 'better' ones!!- PartsGuy Research Staff)

Quiet down, you schmendricks!!! Jeesh!!

Anyways, she's also the smartest, as she won't have anything to do with me. (laugh)

Anyhoo, congrats, S, on being named FBW!!

W00t!!!

Tunes are in

2005-12-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

(BGM: Chris Thomas King: Red Shoes)

I got the tunes installed in the PartsMobile finally. One of my commercial accounts had a lil run of bad luck, wound up in the hosp with colon problems. We sent him some epoxy, told him to use it, then he'd be the perfect asshole!!

Yeah, we're a twisted sack of bastards.

Anyways, I knew that the guy's kid played around with car stereo stuff, so I had him put in the gear, doin my lil bit to help out.

He did a kickass job, too. He even ran the cord for the cd changer remote under the carpet. Frickin awesome.

I shoulda done this a long time ago. It's SO frickin nice to NOT have to listen to the local DJs try and be funny. Also, the CD changer I THOUGHT was a 6 disc unit, turned out to be a 10 CD unit. Also, it plays home burned CDs no problem!! Score!! The CD deck I picked out plays MP3s also, so I got MAAAAAAAAAAAAD tuneage, yo.

Now, I just gotta find time to slam the speakers in. Maybe if my day off's nice 'n warm I'll give it a shot.

I haven't gotten around to emailing my choice for FBW yet. I'm a terrible person. I'm cute though.

101st post. w00t.

2005-12-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

(BGM: Theme from Hill Street Blues)

Yeah, so I said I was gonna try posting 3 times a week.

Didn't happen.

The powers that be at work decided to promote my crazy ass to assistant manager. Lord help us all.

So, I've been working a lot more than usual. 50+ hours a week. My day off usually consists of sleep.

I DO have a Fabbo Babe of the Week picked out. I just need her permisssion to post up a pic.

I got the new tuneage for the PartsMobile. I just need to find time and a garage to install the stuff.

I managed to get all my Xmas shopping done in one trip!! That was VERY kewl. I also managed to spend less than I'd budgeted. Your humble PartsGuy is a sucker for a bargain.

I've only bought myself a couple of presents so far. I splurged and bought the first season of Emergency! on DVD. I plan on having time to watch 'em someday.

100th post!!

2005-11-25T20:21:00.000-08:00

So, what Creamy Goodness do I have planned?? That's right!! Another goofy Quiz thinger!!

You Are A: Bear Cub!

Bears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You're big, you're tough, you won't back down from a fight, you have a bit of a temper -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild.

You were almost a: Kitten or a Duck
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a Squirrel What Cute Animal Are You?

Grrrrr, baby, grrrrr.

I'll post up something else in a while. I'm gonna hop in the shower and steam myself silly.

I liked this one.

2005-11-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

Amen, Calvin.

So, tonight was a fairly good night. I came home from work, and whomped up a steak dinner real quicklike. 'Twas very good. That got me to thinkin about stuff I like.

I like big rear-wheel drive sedans. As far as I'm concerned, there's no better way to see the USA than from behind the wheel of a nice, big cruise machine that'll roll all day long at 85 mph without breaking a sweat. The effect just isn't the same with a minivan.

I like ~~leering at~~ looking at gorgeous womenfolk. I'm a guy. I make no apologies for it. If you think that's wrong, you're either a complete moron, or you're a woman who resembles Roger Ebert, but with a crappier personality. Whichever. Pretty ladies= GOOD.

I like guns. Especially machine guns. There are few things more fun than emptying an MP5 machine gun into a target. Unless, of course, you move from the MP5 to a Tommy gun. Then, finish up your range time by shooting off a few mags of .45 caliber ammo. That is what I like to call Big Dirty Fun. Guns= GOOD.

I like cheeseburgers. Great, big greasy cheeseburgers. Slap a chunk of pepper cheese on there, slam it onto a plate with a whole bunch of greasy fries, wash it down with a tasty beverage of your choice, and you have a meal fit for a king, provided that king isn't a foo-foo nancyboy.

Now that I think about it, if it mooed, oinked or clucked while it was alive, chances are pretty good that I'll eat it. Meat= GOOD.

I like dogs. I REALLY like Labrador retrievers. As far as I'm concerned, they're the best all-around dogs to have. Patient, friendly, and loyal. Good qualities in a dog.

I like watching stuff get blown up. I built quite a few models as a kid, and quite a few of those models met their demise by firecracker. If there's a show on the TV dealing with demolishing buildings with explosives, I'm there. Blowing stuff up= GOOD.

Now, you may have noticed, there're no pictures of hot women driving big rear-wheel drive sedans, eating cheeseburgers with their black Labs while shooting machine guns and blowing stuff up. There's a simple reason for it. You just can't combine so much awesomeness into one photo session. If you did, guys looking at the pictures would look at them, and just seeing that would make our noggins explode with joy, and there'd be brains and stuff all over the place, and people'd get all crabby and stuff.

I should probably cover things I think are bad.

FWD econoboxes= Bad. I just plain don't like em.

I don't like women who resemble Roger Ebert.

Need I say more?

I don't like tofu. WTF??

I don't like poodles. About the only purpose I see for 'em is snacks for a python.

I don't like Bed & Breakfast places. The idea of spending the night in the same building as a bunch of yuppie morons, AND being willing to spend a bunch of money doing it is just too horrible to think of. Yucko.

So, imagine, if you will, a poor guy being stuck with his wife who looks like Roger Ebert in a crappy FWD econobox staying in a B&B that has poodles, and serves tofu for breakfast.

Frightening, isn't it?? And you guys KNOW that even if the guy was your worst enemy, you'd feel totally sorry for him, as no man should have to be subject to such torture.

So, I think I shall summarize for you.

RWD sedans, pretty women, cheeseburgers, guns, labs, and explosions= GOOD.

Crappy FWD econoboxes, women who resemble Roger Ebert, tofu, poodles, and bed & breakfast tours= BAD!!

With that, I shall take my leave. Next post will be my 100th post. I'll have to come up with something good for that, methinks.

Why is it?

2005-11-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

(BGM: "Exodus"; Bob Marley)

Why is it...

Stupid commercials make me want to call the company and say " You know, that commercial of yours is SO ****ing stupid, it makes me want to take hostages!!" Why??

Perhaps I ~~need to get lucky~~ should start getting more sleep.

The system I picked for the PartsMobile is here. Hopefully I'll get more than a day off sometime soon so I can slap the thing in.

I'm also looking forward to having Turkey Day off. I plan to sleep. A lot. I should be adventurous the day after and go shopping, but getting whacked in the ass by lil old ladies' shopping carts doesn't really appeal to me.

Amazingly, they get REAL pissed when you put the boot to their shopping carts after they've hit you for the 5th time. No sense of humor on them old broads, I'm here to tellya.

That's all ya get tonight. I'm too tired to write more. Still workin on a new Fabbo Babe of the Week, however, I've made a new rule. No followers of Scientology are eligible. Why? Mainly because I'm freakin SICK of hearing about TomKat, and the fact that I think Scientology is pure bullshit. So, sorry, Kirstie Alley. No FBW love for you. Deal.

I mean, come ON... that Katie chick's like what, 22??? Cripes, I got SCARS older than that!

And why is it that it's ok for ol' Tommy to do a lil cradle robbing, but if your humble PartsGuy were to scope out a hot lil 20 year old, he's a freakin pervert? Sup wit dat?

And for all you younger ladies..remember, us ol' farts know what we're about, if you catch my drift. (evil grin)

So, um, yeah.

More stuff later in the week, if I feel like it.

So, um, yeah.

2005-11-15T18:56:00.000-08:00

I was informed today that I don't spend enough time writing blog entries. I hereby promise to TRY to do at least 3 entries a week. But hey, I'm a busy guy.

Recently, my job went through a couple of management changes. The dust has settled, and I'm now the assistant manager. W00t!

Our uniform shirts have recently changed color too, from a godawful red, to another color entirely. Happily, it's a slimming color!! LOL!!

So, your humble PartsGuy ordered all the parts needed to assemble a system for the PartsMobile. Good tunes= lotsa good in a town with a buncha crappy stations. I won't go into too much detail until it's installed, but suffice it to say, it'll be way cool indeed. Toys= good.

So, what else has your humble PartsGuy been doing? Lotsa stuff, mostly working.
Sometimes, I wander over to the liquor store/tavern to flirt outrageously with S, the smartest, loveliest tavern goddess on the planet. I call her the smartest, cause she won't have anything to do with me!! (laughing)

I've also managed to find some stuff I'd like for Xmas. In no particular order:

1)First season of Airwolf on DVD.

2)First season of Emergency! also on DVD (w00t!!). For the longest time, I wanted to be a Paramedic. I blame this show! LOL! When I had cable years ago, TV Land ran an Emergency! marathon. I was in heaven. My roomie just rolled his eyes.

3)One of those vacuum sealer thingies. I'm a lazy guy, hate to cook for just myself. With one of these, I could cook one day a week, and have enough for the week, and just zap some good food for dinner instead of the crap I eat now.

I also decided to join the 21st century and get DSL. Now I can download ~~porno~~ educational films!! w00t!!

I've also gotten a guest blog entry from Pointman, which I shall be posting this week sometime.
It's good stuff.

That's all for now. Fabbo Babe of the Week will return soon, I promise.

I'm William Wallace, baby!!

2005-11-10T17:21:00.000-08:00

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

2005-11-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or is cranking Dokken's "Paris Is Burning" no end of fun??

I guess I shouldn't be too harsh. There's nothing wrong with France, other than the fact it's full of French people.

So, the other night, I was sitting in Stately PartsGuy Manor, and bored off my ass. For a couple of my friends and I, going to WalMart(aka The Evil Empire) and people watching is about the greatest spectator sport there is. Where else can a guy go and satisfy his fetish for women in sweatpants pushing babies in shopping carts??

Wait...where the hell did THAT come from??

-Told you we'd tell if you didn't feed us regularly!!- PartsGuy Research Staff-

Jeeze. I'm sorry you all had to witness that.

I accidentally fed them twice in one week, because I forgot to mark the calendar, now they expect it all the time.

-Well, DUH!- PGRS-

JEESH!! Next thing you know, they're gonna want some midget porn!! Dammit!!

-Naah, we raided your stash last night- PGRS-

So, THAT'S why there was bread crumbs in..

Errr, Hi.

Ignore what you've read. There's a hacker on my computer, or something, and he's typing all that!! Seriously!! LOOK! CUTE FURRY PUPPIES!!!

Anyways, I've been thinking about the PartsGuy Gimme List(tm), seeing as both Xmas and my B-day are coming up soon. So, for giggles, once it's compiled, I'll post up for your amusement.

More soon, when I feel like it.

What a weekend!!!

2005-10-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

Man!! what a lot of crap to talk about!!

First off, my team beat the hated Packers today. a 56 yard field goal in the last 2 seconds won it. I'm happy, but damn, that was the longest 2 seconds in my LIFE!! Now I just need Tony Stewart to win, and it'll be a double play! If I still smoked, I'd be out having a ciggy. As it is, my throat's sore from yelling. Damn, what a game.

During halftime, I got up the ambition to work on the Chris-Craft for a few minutes to finish up some last minute details before tub testing it. I charged a main battery, and added some batts for the servos and speed control, and put it in the tub. IT WORKED!!!

I have to tweak the throttle settings yet, but it works!! Now I just need to get it into the water for a run before the water freezes over. Then I'll start redoing some of the railings and stuff over the winter. I might just put the thing on ebay when I finish it. Haven't decided yet, as usual.

Work is improving by leaps and bounds. The closing procedure itself seemed like a huge hassle, until I actually did it a couple times. We're all still wrestling with the computers, but more often than not now, we're winning.

I joined the stock purchase purchase plan because it seemed like a good idea. Last payday, my deduction was more than enough for 2 shares. So, if my calculations hold true, I should be able to purchase about 5 shares or so a month, depending on stock price.

Saturday morning I dreamed I was playing an awesome drum solo. The solo kept going until I woke up and realized that, no, Neil Peart did NOT move in downstairs and set up a kit and start playing. My next thought was that the crazy drunk bastard who lives downstairs was putting up a picture. It then ocurred to me that CDB only has one hand, so that couldn't be it either.

Later that morning, the culprit revealed himself: 'twas a woodpecker, and he was attempting to make a hole in one of the eaves. I ran back in for one of my airsoft guns, but by the time I got back out, he was gone.

This morning, he returned to do some more expeditionary drilling. I was ready for him, ran and threw some pants on, grabbed a semi-auto airsoft pistol. I opened the door to my deck, and cranked off a few shots near him to scare him off. He hasn't been back yet, but he seems to like to drill early in the morning. If he returns, time for the airsoft rifle. I'm not planning on using a pellet gun on him unless he keeps returning.

Your humble PartsGuy is a bit of a softy, and would prefer to NOT kill said woodpecker. If it encourages him to go elsewhere, say the perfectly good tree in front of Stately PartsGuy Manor, then I'm perfectly okay with that, and we'll both go on our merry way. It's all good.

In PartsMobile news, I found a nice amplifier on Ebay, so I bid on it, and so far I'm high bidder. As with the CD changer, if I win, I win. If not, eh.

Yesterday found me at a local hobby shop, looking at stuff in the display case. I found this:

Ain't it cool?? I LOVE commercial vehicles from the 50's and 60's, especially the semitrucks and straight trucks. I don't know why. I thought this was gonna be a $60 piece, then I saw the tag read $32.99!! I snapped this bad boy up, you betcha. It was made by First Gear*, who make EXCELLENT models. I was surprised to find it that cheap.

You should go to Smallest Minority and read this post .

You'll laugh. I did.

Well, I think I'm going to shut up for now. Dinnertime is fast approaching.

Maybe some more boat stuff later this week.

2005-10-21T20:54:00.000-07:00

Finally, Friday got here!!!

The last couple of days have found your humble PartsGuy scampering around the shop, placing new price labels here and there like some sort of bizarre redshirted Johnny Appleseed. Ordinarily, this'd be no biggie, but the labels they use are just a smidgen smaller than the tag holders on the shelves. I've gone through enough Scotch* tape to hogtie an elephant.

I won the CD changer I'd bid on, so the PartsMobile shall soon have some new sounds. I got the changer for 30 bucks, and got absolutely HOSED on shipping. I'll still have saved about $150 on the price of a new one, though. I'm planning on assembling all the stuff I wanna put in, and then have a nice lil weekend thrash puttin all the stuff in. Pictures will be snapped, and I even might post a couple. I need to do some more research into a couple of things before I make final decisions. I have a buddy who's pretty handy with woodworking, so a sub box won't be a problem, if I get that crazy.

Tomorrow, I get to go pick up a car for a lil wash and wax job. That's a good thing, as it means another $50 into the PartsGuy PWC Fund. Woohoo!

This weekend, I'm hoping to get the Chris-Craft model into the water for some testing. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it. I've started to lose interest in the r/c boat thing, mostly cause the company changing hands has taken up a big portion of my time. If I do put it on ebay, I hopefully won't lose my butt on it.

That's all for now.

Someone IM'ed me, demanding that I bring the funny this weekend. I'll try.

I was bored, so I hit Blogthings.

2005-10-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Tuesday. Woohoo.

2005-10-18T20:06:00.000-07:00

So, the PartsDad came up for a visit last weekend, which is always a cool thing.

PartsDad has himself a VERY nice toy, a Nikon* digital SLR camera. I'm jealous. I might have to add one to my Xmas list

I also got to ride a Honda* ATV this weekend. Not too horrible, except for the manual transmission. Your humble PartsGuy MUCH prefers not to have to shift. Call me lazy.

I have a new thing to list that really annoys me. What is it with people who insist on getting into the express lane with more than 10 items??? Seriously, that's just plain rude. I'm standing in line with PartsBro's girlfriend, and this broad gets in front of us with like, 20 items. Grr. There's an older lady in front of her who's not moving very rapidly, which is fine. 20 item broad gets her crap unloaded, gets her total, AND THEN STARTS TO WRITE A FREAKING CHECK!!!!!!!

OK, this irritates me to no end. This chick had a good 5 minutes in which to write the check except for the total, but NOOOOOO. This is the reason I use a check card.

OK, I lied. There's something else that annoys me. WHY is it some people absolutely MUST walk down the center of the traffic lane in parking lots?? And while they're doing this, they're glaring at you trying to get by them? MOVE YOUR ASS TO THE SIDE, DAMMIT!!! Jeeeeeeeeze. Maybe next time I'll creep right up behind the moron and lay on the horn. My brother drives a large wrecker, and people do it to him too. I'd run em over, but it's so damned messy to wash the blood 'n stuff off the car.

Speaking of cars, the PartsMobile is coming along nicely in the Pimp My Sedan contest. I think the boss may have lost interest, or he's sandbagging. PartsBro donated some speakers to the cause, so I saved $170 there. Next weekend, I hope to get some of the lenses tinted with the spray tint I bought. I'm currently winning an ebay auction for a 10 disc CD changer, so if all goes well, that'll find its way into the PartsMobile. All the stuff I plan on doing tuneswise will fit in stock locations, as I'm philosophically opposed to cutting up a car for a stereo. Also, the idea of a stealthy system has its merits.

Not much else is happening. The new company's procedures are a wee bit different than what I'm used to, but I'm adjusting. It's all good!!

Thought for the day:

It takes 27 muscles to frown, but only 7 to pull the trigger on a decent sniper rifle.

*NOTE* The preceeding statement was intended as humor, nothing else. Don't get yer undies in a bunch. Thank you.

One of those weeks.

2005-10-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

So, my company got snapped up by a bigger company. That's good, gets me a better bennies plan, stuff like that.

Also, I joked about wanting to be Safety & Training coordinator.

Shoulda kept my mouth shut. I'm supposed to get a lil extra in the pay envelope, might actually make it worth the extra trouble.

I'm gonna end up spendin some time this weekend reviewing company training materials, though. If I'm supposed to make sure everyone else gets through it, then I better do it myself first. Ugh.

Should look pretty spiffy on the ol' resume, though.

For some reason lately, the idea of getting an ATV has its merits. I could use it more often than a PWC, that's for sure. Ya can't put a snowplow on a PWC. There's also quite a few decent places to ride in my area. Decisions, decisions.

As always, time will tell.

I'm a Samurai, baby.

2005-10-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

More later, if I feel like it.

Things that REALLY irritate the PartsGuy.

2005-10-09T18:12:00.000-07:00

So, there I am, happily wheeling the PartsMobile along the freeway minding my own business.

I have noticed a growing group of motorists, my friends and I call them the 45'ers. On the freeway, they won't go above 45 mph. Usually, they're in the left lane and WILL NOT move over. Then, once you get into town, guess what? You slow down because the speed limit in the city is 30 mph, and there they are behind you and closing fast, because they're STILL doing 45. These people should be forced to ride a bus, or drive a Geo Metro.

The next thing that irritates me should prove I'm on my way to being a Grouchy Old Bastard.

About half the time I'm out running errands, I get stuck behind or next to some idiot kid who has decided that my musical education is NOT complete until my ears have been assaulted by whatever rap star's CD is popular that week. For these little goons, my suggestion is that they be locked in a sound proof room, and forced to listen to the entire Wham! and George Michael catalogs. THAT'LL teach em.

Another thing that bugs me is people who walk around with their pants half hanging off their asses. What's up with that? We have people come into my shop asking for applications dressed like that!! And they're usually wearing a nice wifebeater shirt too.

Needless to say, they don't work for us.

And another thing. If you're a white person, dressing and talking like you just got off a bus from freakin' Harlem, or thinking you're the biggest gangsta in the Midwest, you're out of luck. No job for you. Also, we laugh at you when you leave, because you're a chump. As my coworker said to one of 'em, "Pull your f**kin' pants up, for chrissakes!"

Why do people allow their kids to scream at the top of their lungs in stores?? Just because you don't wanna buy 'em a freakin 99 cent Matchbox* car, the rest of us have to listen to him scream at volumes that would drown out the assault at Normandy. Thanks a fat freakin' lot, asshole.

I'll post some more at a later date. Right now, I'm off to WallyWorld to see if I can scare up a gorilla costume. I've got a crazy drunk neighbor that needs to have his head messed with.

(evil grin)

Wheeeeeee!!

2005-10-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

Ok. I got bored.

So, I finally got around to tinkering with something I've been wanting to do for a while, which was to set up the clickable linkies on the right to open in new windows. Thanks for the code, Pointman!!

Also, you'll see a link to Old Grump. He's as cranky as I am, so he makes for some good reading. Check him out!!

Work has been no end of fun lately. The new company uses a different computer system than we used to, so we're all learning a new way to do stuff, which has been interesting, to say the least. Happily, once we explain to customers that we've got a new computer system, they're VERY understanding. Woohoo!! The new system has a TON of neato features, but learning how to access 'em all is not an easy task. We're totally confident that by the end of the month, we'll have the system down cold. We rawk.

I see by the web counting gadget thingy that I'm close to 1,000 hits. That's cool, but I want MORE, dammit!! If you haven't already, pass on to your friends the address for Pure Creamy Goodness, willya? Thanks.

Nothing much more has happened in the 'Pimp My Sedan' thing, mainly because we've been running around like crazy with the new lookup system. I've been surfing cardomain.com for ideas, though. There're a few goofy ideas running through the 'ol noggin, for sure.

As always, ladies..send pics for Fabbo Babe of the Week. I'm gonna start it up again, since Kim DuToit's site is gone, for good most likely. Someone has to take up the slack.

And, in closing, remember this:

Some people are like Slinkies: Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Some stuff.

2005-10-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

On the right side there, in the Linkies section, you'll see a new addition to the blogs I like, and a subtraction.

For reasons unknown to me, Kim Du Toit closed his blog. I suspect it was due to a new job, and not having a lot of time to do the blog thing up to his high standards. I hope things work out for him.

So, in his place, I've added BaneDad. This guy is FUNNY, so in my opinion, he's the perfect replacement.

In other news, I've started reading up on the digital camera I got about 3 years ago. Turns out a lot of the settings I've wished I could change CAN be changed!! Who'da thunk it? Now, I can take movies WITHOUT sound!! The possibilites for mindless amusement are legion, methinks.(insert evil laugh here)

In Pimp My Sedan(tm) news, I added blue spark plug wires to the PartsMobile. I've also acquired some decent speaks for it that'll drop right into the stock locations, as I'm not into the idea of cutting up a car just to put speakers in it. I've also acquired some 16" wheels which'll go on next spring.

The PWC season is over, so no more rides this year. The DNR'll have to wait another year to get me. The PartsGuy's PWC Fund has close to $100 in it now, and as winters here are fairly lengthy some years, I should be able to sock away enough for a decent down on my own ski.

Donations accepted ;)

I'll post some pics of the Pimped Sedan later this week, if I remember.

2005-09-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

So, the other day, I actually answered my phone instead of letting the machine get it.

On the other end? One of my best buddies from years ago calls me up, and we sit 'n BS for an hour or so catchin up.

So, sometime soon I shall have to make a trip downstate to see him, catch up on old times, and get rejected by women in a different zip code!

In other news, my boss and I have somehow gotten a little oneupmanship thing going. We both drive sedans, and we're both in the process of dressing them up a bit. Why? Who knows. It's a testosterone thing.

Either that, or we both need hobbies.

Well, I'd post more, but it's time to do my trivia thing, and then get some sleep.

I'll prob toss another post up this week. Time will tell, as always.

Why I hate lawyers, pt 2

2005-09-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

From Palmbeachpost.com:

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/content/news/feeds/0831seadoo.html

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

"The makers of Sea-Doo watercraft dodged a multimillion-dollar verdict Wednesday thanks to one stubborn juror."

And hooray for that one 'stubborn' juror!

"The holdout forced a judge to declare a mistrial and send a Greenacres woman home with nothing more than memories of her 12-year-old daughter who was killed when she crashed a water scooter into a dock in the Intracoastal Waterway six years ago."

Ya think the writer's slightly biased?

OK, here's the deal:

Mommy left her little dearie with her boss' teenaged son while she went to check on some construction at one of her employer's properties. Teenaged son, who obviously wasn't thinking too horribly clearly, let her use a PWC, which she killed herself on when she hit a dock.

So, according to the lawyer hired by her mother, because her kid, under questionable supervision, got killed due to a LOT of stupid choices on the part of herself and a 17 year old kid, Bombardier should pay out FORTY-EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS, because there was no sticker saying people under 16 should not operate a PWC.

I went out and looked at my cars, folks. There's no sticker saying people under 16 shouldn't drive a car. Mainly because the law says so. Now, in WI, where I live, the law says nobody under the age of 16 may operate a PWC. Period. Bombardier is not responsible for knowing that. THE OWNER/OPERATOR OF THE PWC IS RESPONSIBLE FOR KNOWING THE RULES GOVERNING PWC USAGE IN THEIR STATE.

But hey, Bombardier's got a ton of bucks, let's sue THEM instead. What a load of crap.

The cost of defending this lawsuit is eventually paid by all people who use Bombardier products, by the addition of the cost to the price tag. Same with any other product you buy. My memory is shaky on this, but I thought I read once that General Motors estimated that the costs of defending themselves in lawsuits added about $1000 per vehicle sold. I may be wrong, however.

So, the judge declared a mistrial because, quote, "one juror was adamant that the company not be held responsible, so there was no way to reach an unanimous verdict as required by law."

If I ran Bombardier, that guy'd be getting a LOT of free stuff about now.

The kid's mother and the boy should both be brought up on manslaughter charges, or something, but I know that'll never happen.

The plaintiff's lawyer plans to sue again, and ask for MORE money this time. I'd suggest that feeding this guy to the gators would be a good idea, but the gators would toss him back.

Gators DO have standards, ya know.

Weekend off again!!

2005-09-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

Weekends off rock.

I went geocaching, and actually found a couple, which is always good. We would have had more, but I wound up falling into a creek, which kind of dampened my enthusiasm. So, after that lil adventure, we went and hit good 'ol Barnes & Noble for a while.

Is it just me, or is B&N always got a buncha hotties in there browsing?? I mighta got me a case of whiplash scopin out the babes!!

On to more serious stuff.

Every day I read Kim DuToit's website. Today's edition carries the story of one man who decided to take matters into his own hands, and offer aid to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, risking his life and health, and spending over $5k of his own money.

http://lonestar-mvpa.org/events/2005/05_Katrina.htm

This guy is the epitome of the American can-do ethos, if you ask my humble opinion. Go read the story. Weep if you must.

Remember to click on AM's linky on the top and scope out her pics for sale, of which she is donating all profits to hurricane relief.

Week in review.

2005-09-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

So, anyways..it's been a funfilled, yet painful week.

Labor day found me on the big lake, on the PWC attacking 5 foot rollin waves and getting air. Woohoo!!!

My arms and legs took one hell of a beating, though.

Tuesday found me barely able to walk. Getting up and going to work was difficult, to say the least. I did it, however. One of my coworkers watched me hobble in and said 'My god, you look like hell!!' My boss took one look at me and said "What the hell happened to you??"

Apparently I looked about as good as I felt. Walking was painful, bending over to pick stuff up was avoided as much as possible.

Yesterday I was finally able to move without much pain, which was a Good Thing Indeed. Today, I'm about 90% healed up.

Yesterday sure felt like a Monday. We had no delivery guy until noon, so I wound up spending a lot of the morning in the truck, which wouldn't have been bad if I didn't have a lot of work to try and catch up on.

I was supposed to be done at 5, got home about 6:30. I wandered around Stately PartsGuy Manor for a few minutes, then decided to make some dinner. I was washing off a pizza pan, and turned on the water to rinse it, and managed to get an eyeful of Dawn* dishwashing liquid.

That hurt like you wouldn't believe.

And today was the kicker. I was playing with my r/c airplane, bent down to pick it up, and hit the throttle lever. Took a nice lil divot out of my finger.

I'm scared to imagine what might happen tomorrow.

In other news, those of you who actually read the little quote thinger below my Blog's name might have noticed a lil blurb directing you to click on the linky and buy a pic, cause AM has decided to donate all profits from sales of her pics to relief organizations. She also promised me some noodie pics if'n I was to mention her site. Ordinarily, I don't use my blog for commercial purposes, but this is for a VERY good cause, so I've decided to do it this once. Plus, hey, noodie pics!! (you better share this time!! PartsGuy Research Staff)

Maybe. Now shut up and get back to the important research projects I've assigned you!!

Finding pics of naked dobermans wrestling in coleslaw HARDLY counts as important, Schmendrick.

Maybe not to YOU, but to the Reader who asked if we might be able to help, it's of vital importance!

OK, whatever(sighs)

Allrighty then, where was I? OH, yeah! In short, buy a pic, so PartsGuy gets some noodie pics!!

In other news, your humble PartsGuy has been surfing his Credit Union's website and looking at loan rates on used recreational vehicles. There may be a PWC in my near future, who knows? I'm not going to do the paypal thing I'd threaten...errr, joked about, I'll just do what I've always done and work my butt off to get one. I gotta admit, the idea was sorta crazy anyways. As I've said before, I don't blog for the money, just for the chicks.

I'd summarize tonight's post, but I'm feeling lazy. Figure it out.

Ten things.

2005-09-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

There used to be a website, something like "Things Skippy is not allowed to do in the Army"

Anyways, I got to thinking about things they won't let me do in MY job. I figured I'd list a few.

1) PartsGuy is NOT allowed to make jokes about the boss's mother-in-law, even if they ARE hysterically funny.

2) I am NOT authorized to fire employees.

3) I may not stack merchandise in an illogical manner and call it sculpture.

4) I am not allowed to declare jihad on other parts stores.

5) I am not allowed to refer to the employees of other parts stores as "liars, weasels, and probably Democrats", as doing so is an insult to weasels, plus they hate being mentioned in the same sentence as Democrats.

6) Not allowed to transfer District Managers to Cuba.

7) No, I cannot transfer Assistant Managers to Cuba either.

8) I am not allowed to call video stores and demand they stock up on squirrel porno.

9) I also am not allowed to speculate about the sounds squirrels would make during said movies.

10) I may not skip Sexual Harassment seminar on the basis that I already know how, I just don't do it.

11) During same seminar, when informed that dating is considered sexual activity(WTF?), I may not ask "Can I get that in writing??"

12) Calling Luke @ Central Store and saying " Luke, I AM your father" wasn't funny the first time, nor the 300th time.

13) Managers at other stores are to be addressed by their given names, not 'Scooter' or 'Two-Tone'

14) I cannot trade fellow employees to other stores for a 'player to be named later'

There's probably a lot more, but that's enough for now.