An email I got.

Got this in an email. I think it's true.


If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)


If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it,
or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.


If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.


If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".


I thought this was hilarious but incredibly true!

Here I am again!!

So.

My good buddy, who prefers to go by the name The Watcher said I should write more than I do, which could be charitably termed as 'rarely'.

I've not been as irritated with the world as of late, though there's trouble a'plenty going on all over(see Washington, D.C. )

Has funny stuff been happening? Oh yeah.

I acquired a new toy to play with, an '85 Dodge Ramcharger. I suspect plenty of bumps, bruises, and other assorted merriment in my future.


So, I suggest you stay tuned, as I try to get back into the swing of potty jokes, snide remarks, and other forms of amusement.

Greetings and salutations!!(or something like that)

Yeah, I decided to post another rant. I'm some kind of pissed off, and I might as well use my lil blog to get some stuff off my chest before I have a stroke.

First off, Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods= Scum. Somebody needs to kick his ass from one side of FL to the other. My GOD! "transgressions"? Spoiled asshole is what he is. I hope his wife goes Lorena Bobbitt on his ass. Barring that, forget the golf clubs and get a Louisville Slugger instead.

What a pig.






Now, something a little closer to home.

From the Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel:

"Gov. Jim Doyle appointed state Rep. Gary Sherman, D-Port Wing, to a seat on an appeals court Friday."

Hmm. Why would this piss off your humble scribe to no end, you may wonder?


"Sherman proved a close ally of Doyle’s in 2005 when he declined to provided a key vote to override the governor's veto of a bill that would have allowed people to carry concealed guns. Sherman initially voted for the concealed weapons bill, but not the veto override, which failed by one vote."

THIS.

Rep Sherman(notice I left off the Honorable salutation, as he's anything but);

You filthy bastard.

How do you sleep at night knowing you sold out the people who put you in office, for a nice little treat from your master?

Is it worth being Doyle's little lapdog? Sit up!! Sit up!! Speak!!

I'm going to write more on this when I'm not completely furious. Stay tuned.

New stuff.

Ok, so it's been a really long time since I wrote anything here with any sort of frequency. Sorry bout dat.

There's a couple things I'd like to comment on, one being Sarah Palin stepping down as Gov. of Alaska, and this whole Cash For Clunkers mess.

First off, Sarah Palin.

I'll say I was surprised that she'd step down from the Governor's post before her term was over. Lots of people are saying this would ruin her chances at a run for President in 2012.

Know what? I don't think she cares.

I think she's had about 3 quarts more than enough of being the Liberals' favorite target of hostility. Refer back to Horseface, err, John Kerry's comment after the disappearance of SC Governor Mark Sanford.

In case you've forgotten: "Too bad if a governor had to go missing it couldn’t have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin.’’

Yeah, whatever, Horseface. Go find another rich widow to marry or something. What amazes me is that you think you actually matter. Do yourself, and the state of Mass. a favor, and STFU.

Then she gets that dipshit Letterman making jokes about her daughter. Recall, if you will:

"The CBS funnyman(their words, not mine) joked of Palin's recent New York visit that "during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez" "

Yeah, that's just classy, innit?

You know, if that was my daughter, I'd be on a plane out to NY to beat his ass.

I could go on and on about this, including that towering intellectual Matt Damon's attack on her during the campaign, but nah. You get the point.

Maybe instead of praying that California has that big earthquake and falls into the ocean, we should pray for MA to fall into the ocean instead.

I'd be hard pressed to shed a tear.

Now, Cash For Clunkers.

I'll start off by saying I'm sorta biased, considering my day job.

This last week, I was out visiting PartsBro in an undisclosed location. PartsBro was considering a different vehicle to replace his Chevy pickup. Why is beyond me, but hey, his money.

Anyway, he'd gone to some website, and plugged in his vehicle to see which ones would qualify for the $4500. The only vehicle that his truck qualified him for? A Hummer H3T. Seriously.

Not the Jeep Wrangler he was looking at, though, even though it got better MPG than the H3T.

Now, this whole rebate thing strikes me as wrong. Why, besides the expense of the program?

The automotive aftermarket has been recycling car parts for DECADES. So, if you take a bunch of potential sources of parts and crush them, not allowing any parts to be removed, then the supply of materials dwindles, pushing the prices of what's left up. Simple supply and demand. I'm thinking the morons in DC didn't consider this.

So, as the aftermarket manufacturers' costs go up, the cost of their product increases. This causes the retailer's price to go up, which causes the end user( i.e. YOU) to pay higher prices.

Also, you're taking vehicles off the market that would sell at the lower end of the spectrum, thus driving the price of what's left up.

There's more reasons, but I'll just leave it at that.

Ok, so I haven't posted anything in a while. That's about par for me.

However, I have a lil thing I'd like to rant 'n rave about, so here I am.


Now, I don't know about your state, but in WI, instead of food stamps, they give you an EBT card for your allotment. I have no problem with this, as I'm not opposed to helping people out during a tough stretch.

What DOES piss me off, is seeing my tax dollars going to this program, and having the people who use it, use it to buy freaking junk food.

I'm standing in line at the grocery store the other day with my chunk 'o ground beef to make tacos(yummy, BTW).

This kid in front of me, dressed up in some idiotic rap star style jacket and a sideways cocked hat goes to pay for his stuff with one of these things, and it doesn't take for some reason. Whatever, I'm in no hurry. So he scampers off to call someone to find out why it isn't working, so the clerk pushes his stuff to one side so we can get rung out. so, me being curious, I scoped out his order.

Case of pop, ice cream, and a bunch of candy bars. That's it.

No milk, eggs, meat or cheese. Just junk food.

I have no idea about what you may think, but personally, I am SICK of this. This asshole can afford a fancy jacket and hat, but relies on the working people of WI to feed his junk food habit?

I say HELL NO!

To this end, I plan on writing my state reps and raising holy hell on the issue. Your tax money should be going to insure these people who need help are properly fed, and not eating junk.

I urge you to do the same.

Stuff that irks me lately.

So, I guess the Oscars were handed out not too long ago. I didn't watch, because frankly, I don't really give a damn. I guess Heath Ledger managed to win one. I think it was "Best Performance Award Posthumously Given To A Dumbass Cokehead" Best Supporting Actor or somesuch.

I guess Jennifer Aniston presented an award, and was cool even though Brad Shitt, errr, PITT, was sitting in the front with Angelina Jolie.

I usually don't care about Hollyweird actors very much. In my opinion, most of them would be hard pressed to find useful work were Hollywood to quit making movies. Of course, that moron Matt Damon could always find work as a political commentator, due to his astute political analysis. (snicker)

Anyway, as a man, I think Pitt is an amoral pig, and undeserving to be called a man. So Brad, screw you.

Aside to Ms. Aniston: should you tire of that John Mayer guy, feel free to gimme a call.


Anyway, I just have one more observation: Is it just me, or has Rachel Ray put on some weight? Looks pretty good. Yum-o, indeed.

I'd write more, but I'm beat.

Here comes the gun grabbing.

From OpenCongress.com :

Blair Holt's Firearm Licensing and Record of Sale Act of 2009

To provide for the implementation of a system of licensing for purchasers of certain firearms and for a record of sale system for those firearms, and for other purposes.

If you have any brains, the part that says "and for other purposes" should be setting off alarm bells!!


Call your Congresscritter and inform him that this bill is bad news and should be shot down immediately.

Gun laws keep guns out of the hands of law-abiding citizens, not criminals. For proof that firearms confiscation doesn't work, look over the Atlantic to Britain. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Here's another way to look at it: If these fools manage to gut the Second Amendment, what's keeping them from attacking the others??

Again, i implore you to call your Congressman and tell him to vote against H.R. 45 should it actually make it out of committee.

More food for thought: Why would our government want to disarm us?

Think about it.

I'm back!!

Yeah, so I finally remembered my password for this thing. Woohoo.

I'm not feeling too hot tonight, so I won't write anything lengthy today. I managed to get an infection on my hand. Damned dry skin.

Don't worry, I'll be back very soon with more grumpiness, weirdness, and lame attempts at comedy.

In which your humble scribe gets inked.

Yeah, so the combined thieving rat bastards governments of the state of WI and the Feds decided they'd gimme some of my tax money back. I thought this rather nice of them.

For a while now, I'd been debating getting a tattoo of something, just because. I wasn't gonna run out and get just anything, this is something I'm gonna carry for the rest of my life. Tribal stuff just isn't my thing, plus it's sorta overdone anyway.

So, I was bored one night, and I don't remember how, but I came across a picture of Snoopy doing the Snoopy Dance. "Aha!!" said I, "that would be a cool idea for a tattoo!" I then went back to surfing for porn looking for educational materials, and spaced it.

I was over at a buddy's house, talking to his GF, and the subject came up again. I said that I was thinking about the Snoopy thing, and next thing I know, we're saddling up and heading to the shop to get Snoopy inked into my arm.

For those of you who're wondering WTF I'm talking about, this is the Snoopy Dance:


























Pretty cool, and a pretty good representation of my personality since getting my life into some semblance of order.

So, I get the location all figured out, and then wait for the artist to get ready.

He calls me back to his station and we get things situated, then off to work we go. It's kinda hard to describe the feeling. Did it hurt? Yeah, a lil bit at first, but not too badly. The artist reminded me a couple times that we could take a break anytime, but I didn't need one, so it was done in one shot, about 1/2 hour or so. Turned out great. Women seem to like it a lot, which is good, 'cause when you're fat 'n ugly like I am, ya need every advantage you can get!

I should probably show ya a picture of the end result. Here you go:












All in all, it was an interesting experience. Will I get another one? Who knows. As of now, I don't have any ideas anyway.

I'm baaaaaaack!!

Yeah, so I haven't blogged anywhere NEAR about like I said I was gonna. Pretty typical for me. Here's but a lil bit of what's been going on.

The main thing that's happened is that I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. I had a sleep study done, which was a really interesting thing to go through. Anyway, what happens is, you basically show up at the hospital around 9 PMish with your pillow, they sign you in, drag you to the sleep lab, and then the fun starts.

What happens is, you get yourself ready for bed, in your jammies or whatever, and then they wire you up with like, 30 different sensors. I gotta tell you, you haven't lived until you've sat in your jockey shorts and been wired up with more sensors than a '93 Buick. At least the lady doing the wiring up part was nice looking. I definitely got the better end of that deal. The room they put me in wasn't too horrible, I had cable TV and a decent bed. I tried convincing them I'd sleep a LOT better if I had a cute 'lil brunette to cuddle up with, but they weren't having any of that. Damn it.

I'm here to tell you, for what it cost to have that test done, one could have gone to Vegas for a weekend and had one hell of a good time.

So, they let me head off to sleep, which ain't easy to do when you're wired up. If you ever go through this, let me offer a wee bit of advice: If they offer you a sleeping pill, TAKE IT. Going to the bathroom was an experience too: it required me to be unhooked, and then off to my own lil potty, then getting hooked back up and back to sleep.

Later that night, they hooked me up to a CPAP machine, and tried that to see what'd happen. Wasn't too bad.

So, the test runs the rest of the night. Cool. About a week or so later, I head back to the sleepy doctor(my name for him)to find out WTF. I wasn't too surprised to find out that I had apnea, but what really shocked me was the fact that in a 6.5 or so hour period, I'd stopped breathing over 120 times. Yikes! says I. So, I get my very own BiPap machine, which helps me breathe, and therefore, actually get a decent night's sleep. Yay!

So, after the paperwork bullshit gets shuffled, I head to the medical place to pick up my machine, and an over the nose mask. I head back home, and come bedtime, I hook up this wonder machine, and off to dreamland I go.

WOW!!!

I woke up the next morning, completely rested for a change. Holy energy spike!!

So, after about a week or so, I gotta head back to the sleepy doctor after spending a couple nights hooked up to a portable oximeter to see how the oxygen levels are doing. Unfortunately, even with the BiPAP, turns out I still wasn't taking in enough oxygen.

So, I have an oxygenation machine, which hooks up through the BiPAP, and pumps in some supplementary O2.

I've named the machine George. George is a squat lil fellow, sitting about 2 1/2 feet tall or so. He's also a wee bit noisy, so he spends his time in my workroom, while a 25' hose sends the oxygen my way.

I greet George every morning when I shut him off. I think he likes that.

So, a few observations.

Life has become a lot better since George and the BiPAP got to town. I've stopped nodding off at work, which thrills the boss to no end.

I've also noticed that certain, um, 'romantic inclinations' have returned as well. They were always there, I guess, but when you're tired all the time, that doesn't seem as important as it usually does. So, that which was slightly dormant, has returned. The only thing is, how many ladies are willing to put up with the machinery, their noises, and waking up next to a guy wearing a full faced air mask? This is something I've tried to not think about so much. I'll worry about that when the time comes.

My outlook on life is different as well. I'm not nearly as cranky and irritable anymore. This thrills my coworkers to no end. And now that I have more energy, I can spend more time inventing new and exciting ways to annoy them, which brings me no end of amusement. I'm going to have to play some pranks on them.


In other news, it appears that I *might* have my jetski sold. This is a good thing, as the money earned will be put towards the purchase of a Nikon D40 camera! Woohoo!


I could go on, but I've noticed that it's 12:30 am, and I'm gonna head to bed.

I think next post, I'll talk about the tattoo I got, and that experience. Should be good reading.

What's shakin' in my world.

Wowsers!

A whole shit ton of stuff has been going on in the land of the PartsGuy. If you haven't been keeping track, well, I can't say as I blame you.

Couple of weeks back, my jackass boss conned me into volunteering for a store move. Hard work, but not bad, other than having to deal with the evil dyke ex-boss. Happily, she's now left the company. Where did she go? Couldn't care less.

So, there's now a space needing filled on the setup crew. I'm sorely tempted. I could save a bit of cash, cause I'd be gone a couple weeks a month. The company is growing, so there's no shortage of work. It'd make doctor/dentist appointments sorta difficult, though. I'll have to dig further into this.

Lotsa thoughts.

So, yeah.

I finally got this thing to work with Firefox, which is the best 'net browser EVER. Hopefully it will help me become more Bloggerific or something.

Anyways.

Your humble scribe has been doing fairly well since last time I blogged. I managed to get hold of my anger problem with some professional help. It's good to not feel angry at the world. Hell, I rarely get road rage anymore, even!

I still have things that irritate me, but I laugh and move on. Without all that angry crap, I can turn my thoughts to other things, like chasing pretty ladies.

An example:

I spent some time the other day contemplating Porsches. Tough job. Some research on ebay and autotrader shows that I can almost afford an older 944 or 928. Sweet. The weird thing is, I hadn't given the marque much thought until this revelation. I've also discovered that I rather prefer the looks of the more vintage Porsches to those of the new ones. Don't get me wrong, I'd happily take a new 911, but I'd sell it and get myself a nice older one.

See, this car speaks to me on a level I can't explain. The new ones, while very nice, just don't do that. I suspect Steve McQueen would understand.


Happy days are here again at Stately PartsGuy Manor. I located a nice fiberglass topper for the PartsTruck, so I can ditch the tonneau cover on there now, and gain some lockable storage space. I also plan on doing a few things to it in order to use the truck for camping next summer. I plan on rigging one side to hold an awning, so I have a nice shady spot for taking a nap, reading, or just plain chillin'. Should be really awesome when I get it done. Plans are formulating in my head as I type.


Snow has blanketed the part of the country that your humble scribe calls home. With the snow come idiots. Folks, if you're in a snowstorm, and you own a white or gray vehicle, TURN YOUR DAMN LIGHTS ON SO WE CAN SEE YOU!! I mean, seriously, it could save you a LOT of grief down the road. Don't be a peckerhead.

My Xmas shopping is about halfway done. I called the PartsBros to find out what their various offspring wanted. One bro answered his celly. HIS kids get nice quiet presents, like Matchbox cars and the like. Other PartsBro didn't answer his celly. I left him a nice message, went something like this:

"Hi, this is the PartsGuy. I'm doing a wee bit of Xmas shopping right now, and I'm not sure what to get for your kid. So, unless I get some ideas, I'm just gonna find something noisy. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

The guy stocking shelves thought it was hilarious.

Needless to say, his kid's getting a REALLY noisy toy. Being Uncle PartsGuy ROCKS!

Well, off I go. I promise to try and write stuff more often. Next time, I might even be funny!!

6 years later.

Yep. 6 years ago, our world was turned upside down by a bunch of Muslim fanatics. I hope they're rotting in Hell as we speak.

I'm going to wager most people will spend today working, playing with their kids, making sweet, sweet luuuuuuuuuuv to their significant others, basically, the stuff we do as Americans every day.

Good.

What better way to give the Al-Quieda assholes fits than to go ahead and do the things we're free to do? In my opinion, that's the best F**k you. So, if you need ideas, let me give you some.

Since Islam treats women like property, and makes them cover themselves, tell any lady you see how lovely she looks today. Then go buy a Playboy magazine and look at the pretty ladies.

Since Islam forbids the eating of pork... eat a bacon cheeseburger, or some pork chops...you get the idea.

There's a couple of ideas for you, I'm sure you can come up with others.

I'd really like to turn on the news tonight and see that Bin Laden has been captured, or killed. I'd prefer that he face the American judicial system, but if he were to catch a bullet with his head, I could live quite happily with that.

On the flip side, there's some people who deserve a swift kick in the ass today. I'll list them, and my reasons why.

First and foremost, GW Bush deserves a kick in the ass for spending more time on Iraq than chasing down Bin Laden. Yes, Hussein was evil incarnate, but a sniper's bullet to the head would have achieved the same results.

Second, every member of the liberal media deserves a kick in the ass, only because they have no balls. This spineless bunch of cowards doesn't bother to do their jobs properly, and people have DIED because of it. Yeah, Newsweek, that means YOU.

Third, assholes who sit and say "No Blood For Oil". You morons don't even know what you're talking about.

Forth, assholes who'd rather spend today in denial. Liberals, mostly. Make sure to flip one off if you get the chance.

There's more people that deserve a kick in the ass, if not the head, but I'm not going to list them. I've got better things to do today, such as doing my part to keep the wheels of commerce turning, and keep America running.

I suggest you do the same.

Also, I'd like to say something to Muslim moderates who won't condemn radical Muslims' actions.

You people are cowards. Were it up to me, you'd be deported TODAY. To keep silent while your fellow Muslims randomy kill innocent people to the tune of more than 9400 attacks since 9/11/01, and yet you remain strangely silent. Does this mean complicity? Nah.

Just means you're chickenshit cowards.


And with that, I'm off to have a bacon cheeseburger and look at some porn.

I'm back!!

So, anyways...

It's been quite a while since I've written anything. I've been around, just nothing to really rant about.

Until now. I've been sort of looking for a PartsLadyFriend, kinda sorta, and my luck has been less than stellar. This is fine, ya can't win em all. What gets me is seeing ladies walking around with their SO's, and they're dressed nicely, hair done up, all that, and the SO is walking around unshaven, wearing some dumbassed hat cocked sideways(which is another rant in itself) and a basketball jersey and shorts. Apparently I'm not the only one who's disgusted by this, as Kim Du Toit has written about this, and some other stuff related to the subject here for your enjoyment.

I have a niece who won't be dating for a while yet( i.e. not until she's 40 if Uncle PartsGuy has anything to say about it.) but hopefully the pendulum will swing back and she won't be stuck with basketball boy. Did I mention that I'm planning on meeting anyone she dates, while cleaning my guns? Might haveta buy a special shotgun just for the occasion. And if her date shows up dressed as basketball boy, he'll be told to go home and dress properly, or face my wrath.


More later. naptime beckons.

An apology, of sorts.

Apologies for so long between posts. Not having a lot to write about other than work, I just haven't bothered.

I'm going camping next weekend, which should be all kinds of good times. Nothing rejuvenates the soul like sleeping in the woods, and eating food cooked over open flames. I plan to take a few books along and catch up on some reading. Might even take an r/c boat along to play with. For sure the camera's coming along.

Which brings me to a lil complaint.

Your humble correspondent likes, from time to time, to look at pics of pretty ladies who seem to have misplaced their clothing. A minor complaint, to be sure, but still a viable one.

Gentlemen, when taking pictures of said lovely lady for everyone's approval, do us a favor and LEAVE YOURSELVES OUT OF THE PICTURES! We're not interested in seeing your hairy legs, or your face in the pics. Also, try practicing taking pics with the camera beforehand. Try different lighting effects, poses, etc. Consider this a bit of helpful advice from Uncle PartsGuy.

Oh, and BTW, Barry Bonds is a punk bitch.

A wee bit of a rant.

I was standing in line at the store not too long ago, and my eye wandered over to the impulse rack. My eyes fell on a TV Guide with the blurb ' Giada De Laurentiis: Is the sexy chef too hot for TV?"

Naturally, I had to pick it up and find out WTF.

It seems that in the 'Cheers & Jeers' section, a Deborah Deel of Christiansburg, Virginia had this to say about Giada:

"Jeers to Giada De Laurentiis and the low-cut tops she wears on the Food Network. She must be sooooooooooo proud of her breasts. Who is she trying to turn on - the cameraman? It really is kind of sad and pathetic. I’ll give her a medal if she wears a top that doesn’t show her over-exposed breasts!"

Hmmm. What's that I smell? Could it be the green monster known as jealousy??

Now, it seems that Giada either hasn't responded yet, or has chosen not to respond to Ms. Deel's commentary. I, myself, am betting that the latter is the correct answer, as Ms. DeLaurentiis appears to be too much of a lady to respond to this hag.

However, I am willing to step in for Ms. DeLaurentiis and respond to Ms. Deel's comments for her. My response begins below. May not be safe for work, or people with tender sensibilities.

Dear Ms. Deel:

On behalf of most, if not all of the American male and some female population, I most humbly request that you shut your stupid trap.

We happen to enjoy how Giada dresses. She is a beautiful lady who happens to NOT be ashamed of how she looks. I question your motive in writing your 4 sentences of condemnation.

Now, I've always been one to give people the benefit of the doubt here, but I'm willing to bet that your jealousy stems from the fact that you, on a GOOD day, could be mistaken for the south end of a northbound mandril with a 3 day case of Montezuma's Revenge. On a bad day? Well, let's just say that powerchugging a quart of elephant vomit mixed with chunks of ambergris would probably be preferable.

As for Giada's cleavage, well, one can draw several inferences as to the reasons behind your distaste. I have some theories, and I'm willing to share a few.

One could infer that the cheap shot you took was due to the fact that your cleavage, by comparison, could make Casanova think about switching teams. One could also infer that perhaps your husband or boyfriend would trade you for Giada in less time than it takes to sneeze.

And maybe, just maybe, Ms Delaurentiis takes a wee bit better care of herself than you do? Judging by her appearance, I'm willing to bet that she's never sat on her couch plowing through a box of bon-bons while bitching on the phone for 3 hours about how her sweetie pie would rather spend more time with the boys at the tavern, than sit with you and be repulsed by the slurping sounds of you polishing off a quart of Ben & Jerry's.

And what exactly is wrong with dressing to impress the opposite sex? It's a time honored tradition, one that should NOT fall by the wayside. Just because your idea of dressing formally is a muu-muu WITHOUT spaghetti stains on it does not mean that people can't hold themselves to a higher ideal. I guarantee you, when your humble PartsGuy dresses up for a special occasion, the best description to use is 'Dressed To Kill'.

Speaking for myself, I appreciate it when someone takes the time to make herself look her best. To me, it means she thinks I'm worth the time it takes. Think about that while you're flipping through the latest Cosmo and bitching about how nobody makes anything good in your size. Learn to make your own stuff and look smashing.

Ms Deel, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with dressing sexy, and the fact that there are still many apostles of the late and not lamented one fucking bit Andrea Dworkin who think that they actually MATTER to the rest of us is a shame that we will have to bear, until a brave few stand up and slay the twin dragons of Political Correctness and Beauty Envy.


So, Ms Deel, as I said before, stuff a sock in it, or in your case, a box of doughnuts.

Sincerely,

The PartsGuy.

On owning a pickup truck

Ok, so a lil bit ago, i threatened said I'd write about some of the obervations I've made since getting my truck.

I am nothing, if not a man of my word, so here we go. If you are nothing but a braindead PC moron, don't have much of a sense of humor, you might wish to visit elsewhere.

Anyways.

To me, the pickup truck is one of the greatest inventions in the world, ranking right up there with electric guitars, latex condoms, and the In-N-Out Burger.

Seeing as most automakers have seemed to have given up on RWD cars, it seems to me only natural that pickups have come into favor, especially with hormone-addled teenage males.

Let's face it, folks- when you see some lil FWD econobox attempting to light up the front wheels, it just doesn't seem right. Especially when you hear the e-box's tiny lil engine howling like a banshee. It just ain't right. Makes for enormous bouts of laughter when they blow up, though.


HOWEVER...

Let some guy in his truck start hazin' the hides, motor rumbling like a freight train and there's not a real man anywhere who isn't secretly thinking, oh, HELL yeah!!", unless he's one of those queers foo-foo metrosexuals who's more worried he might miss his appointment at the nail salon.

Yeah, the thought makes me ill, too.

Granted, VW and Chrysler did try FWD pickups, but hey, when's the last time you saw a Dodge Rampage around town? Uh huh. And I see Honda's getting into the game with their Brokeback, errr, Ridgeback. Newsflash- unibody pickups didn't work in the 60s for Ford, why Honda thinks it will now is beyond me.


Now, having played around for a bit, I've noticed a few things. For example, I've suddenly developed a taste for Marlboro Reds and Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.


Just kidding.


See, some people would have no problem with that stereotype. I myself have perpetuated it slightly by yelling "hey baby" at an attractive female. My inner redneck approved.



Nowadays, you see some men of the foo-foo metrosexual persuasion driving pickups. Their pickups are usually 'champagne' in color, and have leather upholstery.



Yuck.



This week, I decided to replace the tires on my truck. Did I go ahead and get the same size tires, or did I go for bigger?



Remember this phrase: Bigger, Better, Faster, More.



They look damn good on there, too.



And having a truck guarantees you all sorts of new friends, especially when there's something to be moved, or they're buried in snow. Unless, of course, you decided to 'ghettofy' your truck and put stupid ass 26" wheels on it. Yeah, that works REAL well. (Not) Looks frickin' retarded, too.



Trucks are also good for camping, especially if you have a topper/ bed cap / whatever, mainly because there's no tent to set up. Toss a sleeping bag in the back, and you're good to go!



Cars aren't as well suited, mainly because packing the camping gear into the trunk of a Chevy Cavalier isn't a fun task by any means. (Don't ask how I know) Truck? you toss everything into the bed, head to the campground, and get your camp on! Vans work well for camping too, but that's a story for another time.

So in summary, Pickups= GOOD. Foo-Foo Metrosexuals= BAD.

.

So, anyway...

Rosie 'Fat Ugly Stupid Dyke' O'Donnell has FINALLY left TV.

Thank Christ.

ABC and Baba Wawa should be ASHAMED of the fact they gave that stupid bitch airtime.

I hope that sow chokes on a sandwich. If that happens, that day should be made a national holiday. Call it 'Freedom From Rosie The Whale Day'

God, I hate that woman sow.

Anyway, on to better things.

I FINALLY got a chance to take out the rifle I got for Xmas and do some shooting. Talk about FUN!! Brass flyin' everywhere, targets getting destroyed, lotsa noise being made...what a beautiful thing.

The only thing that could have made it better was using my truck to go bashing through the field to where we were shooting. Let's face it; Trucks and firearms are probably two of man's greatest inventions. Hmmm...I'm seeing a calendar idea... Trucks, and babes in bikinis holding guns!

I'm seeing a bestseller here, myself!

Speaking of guns, you may have noticed the little ad thingy for Boresnake.org. They're raising money to send our troops Boresnakes. A Boresnake has a brass end you drop through the action of your gun out the barrel, and then as you pull the Boresnake through, different sections of the 'snake clean the barrel out ever so nicely.

I have one of these for my gun, and I absolutely LOVE it. It makes post target practice cleaning a snap! This product gets the PartsGuy's 'Double Thumbs Up, With Loud Belch' endorsement.
Truly a genius product, and if you own firearms, you owe it to yourself, AND your guns, to get one.

As most of you know, your humble PartsGuy got himself a pickup truck some time back. After having lived with it for a while, I have noticed some things. I'll comment on these in a future post , as I'm still formulating the piece in my head.

As always, may the Bluebird of Happiness crap on your car.

An open letter to white kids who dress like gangstas.

Dear Gangsta Wannabe:

Did you see me standing by my truck polishing the chrome when you drove through my alley?

I'm guessing you DIDN'T, or you might have had some decency to NOT hammer the gas, slide sideways, and damned near hit my neighbor's car, and spray rocks all over the frickin place. But then again, you might not, because you, and the rest of your gangsta wannabe buttbuddies are nothing more than dog shit on the shoe of humanity. I'm tired of you stupid assholes and your fucking BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM cars going down my street at 1 am.

Do you NOT realize how fucking stupid you look? You spend enormous amounts of the money that your parents give you to just go away trying to look like some dipshit whose main talents seem to be smoking dope and sticking his dick in any dumbass gangsta sperm dumpster who'll lie down long enough. Hell, some of those pigs don't even bother, and just go ahead and take a piece of ass. Wow. THERE'S a man I'd want MY nephew to be like.

You think assholes like Puff Daddy, or whatever that worthless fuck calls himself this month are worth emulating? You wanna be like fucking Tupac? Yeah, he was cool.

Right up until someone decided to use the car he was riding in for target practice. Yeah, I wanna bleed out in the front seat of a car on some street. That sounds cool!

Give me a freakin' break. You think some asshole who can't even speak english clearly is someone to be admired. Your values, such as they are, are completely, utterly, and totally fucked.

Now, don't take this to mean I think you're ALL bad. I have to say, I DO find it rather amusing when I find a video on Youtube of some gangsta tough guy who picks on the wrong person and gets his ass kicked all over the place. THAT is quality entertainment right there. AND, it NEVER gets old!! I could spend HOURS of time watching that shit.


So, in closing, I have but one thing to say;

PULL YOUR FUCKING PANTS UP! YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!!


Oh, and the 20" rim thing on whatever you drive= retarded.
Calling your car a 'whip'= also retarded.


Do the world a favor and eat a shotgun.

Shit that makes me crabby.

OK, so I REALLY need to vent some anger 'n stuff. I plan on a few naughty words, so you may want to take that under advisement, and not read much further, cuz I'm not gonna be talking about cute furry puppies.


So, I ran to another store today to grab a few things. I'm on my way back, sitting at a stoplight, and listening to some quiet tuneage. It's a fairly decent afternoon, so I've got my window down. The chick next to me is playing some rap bullshit, but not very loud, so I didn't think much of it.

Apparently, the mouthbreathing highschool punk behind me in an Eagle Talon decided to attempt to wow said female with the system in his car, sort of like a male peacock during mating season, except MUCH louder, and with less plumage. All of a sudden, all I could hear was BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM. This I found most displeasing. I also wished that I was in the PartsGuy Truck, instead of a work vehicle. Then, I would have been very tempted to put it in reverse, and stand on the gas. I think an airbag in his face would have been just punishment. That, or a baseball bat to the head.

Maybe we can get lucky and this kid will do something really stupid, and wrap himself around a tree and take himself out of the gene pool.

Apparently, parents don't teach their kids to consider other people. Sheesh.