Friday, November 24, 2006

Day after T-day shopping thoughts.

So, being the semi-adventurous person I am, I decided I'd accompany my buddy's GF to WalMart for the 5-11 am sale.

This required your correspondent to be awake at the ungodly hour of 4 am. Now, the last time I was awake at 4:30 am, I'd been out most of the previous night enjoying adult beverages.

I had a specific assignment: Obtain 2 Cabbage Patch Cuddle Buddies, or whatever. Like I'm paying attention. There's chicks to scope out. Anyway, as the 5 o'clock hour approached, the small group I'd been part of expanded in numbers. I'd brought along my celly, just in case we got separated, so I wouldn't be wandering around the store with a dazed look in my eyes carrying a couple of freaking stuffed dolls.

I got to thinking while I was waiting for the signal to cut the shrinkwrap. Thoughts ran through my head like "I cannot BELIEVE I am standing in a freaking WALMART at 4 f**kin' thirty in the bloody AM, awaiting 5 o'clock to get a couple of stupid dolls!!" That, along with " I'm going to get killed, I can sense it. I'm not destined to meet my end in a fiery car accident, or by the shotgun of a jealous husband."

I'd brought along my celly, just in case we got separated, so I wouldn't be wandering around the store with a dazed look in my eyes carrying a couple of freaking stuffed dolls.I called up L and said "You realize, if I get injured doing this, I will NEVER forgive you." That got a laugh from everyone around me. Hey, I'm ok with shopping, I just wasn't too hip on the idea of having a WalMart shopping cart up my ass, is all.

I can just see waking up from THAT..

"Well, Mr. PartsGuy, we were able to remove the shopping cart from your ass. On the bright side, you shouldn't be bothered by hemorroids anytime in the next 40 years. Also, you'll probably be able to carry a bowling ball with no hands."

Yipes.

Anyway, all went well with that, as when they cut the shrinkwrap, I used height to my advantage and swooped a couple up. My task completed, I got out of there before the old ladies figured out what was up and used their canes on me.

Soon, I shall be done with the monumental task of Xmas shopping, and can go back to shopping for goodies for myself. Can't wait.

Something tells me I'll probably be in bed by 9 tonight, nap or not.


May the bluebird of happiness crap on your car.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

New project.

So, I've decided to embark on a new project, a fairly longterm one.

Your humble PartsGuy needs to lose a lil' bit heap of excess poundage.

When you step on the scale at the doc's office, and yer a bit north of 275, well, ya might wanna consider cutting back a wee bit. This I have done. I quit caffeine 3 weeks ago. Pop went by the wayside this past Tuesday. Calorie counting starts tomorrow, along with getting my happy ass some exercise for 1/2 hour or so a night.

So, your PartsGuy needs a lil' favor. I've decided to go ahead and give a real good run at dropping, say, 75 pounds. I know this is gonna take a while, but hey, it took a while to put it on in the first place.

My target weight is going to be 220 lbs. When I did the Body For Life thingy a while back, I got down to 227 and felt utterly fan-frickin'-tastic. After a couple of accidents at work, my back isn't what it used to be, so I had to quit the workouts.

So, to that end, I plan on consulting with the BFL people, and seeing if the workout can be modified somewhat, so I don't do any further damage to my back than's already been done.

Anyways, back to the lil' favor part. If you can, sometime during your busy schedule, find a few minutes to either post a comment, or get hold of me in some way, and ask how the weight loss thinger is coming along, that'd be just spiffy. If you've got my phone #'s, hey, gimme a shout and harass me too. I would appreciate it, and would be glad to return the favor for you. I got a lotta anytime minutes on my celly, might as well burn some up!!

Once I get up and rolling, I'll make sure to try and post updates as to how close I am to the target. Feel free to join me if'n you need to shed yer spare tire. We can encourage each other.

Call it the PartsGuy LardAss Challenge!

As I said, if you can find time to harass me, please do so. Then next summer, I'll post pics of the IMPROVED PartsGuy!!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sunday Thoughts.

Yep, AGAIN, my football team managed to freakin' find a way to lose. AND, my boy Tony Stewart didn't win either. The only thing that keeps it from being a total bummer is that Jimmie Johnson didn't win. Maybe he was depressed about his boyfriend Jeffy Gordon marrying some model chick, I don't know.


Anyways.

I was walking through the local Caucasian Refuse Fulfillment Center, otherwise known as WalMart, when I was struck with a Brilliant Flash of Inspiration:

I must create a game called WalMart Bingo.

Instead of numbers, you wait till you see certain things that are VERY common to Walmarts, and cross it off until you get Bingo. Items such as:
  • Screaming kid in cart.
  • Guy wearing tank top, covered in tattoos. Bonus points if it's winter, or the ink is poorly done.
  • Preggo woman, with at least 2 kids running around cart and screaming.
Stuff like that. I mean, if ya gotta be stuck inna Walmart shopping, might as well make it amusing, no??


I'm not looking forward to Xmas. I'm thinking of just buying everyone tools from work! Wrench sets for EVERYBODY!!


PartsMom asked what I wanted for my birthday. I suggested a nice giftcard. I've got enough socks.

That's one of the things that really blows about being an adult. Forget toys. You get socks.

I can buy socks. I WANT TOYS, DAMMIT!!!!


Yep, that's me. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

More ranting and raving later.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A flea and a fly, and the Flu.

So, your humble correspondent is slightly under the weather. The flu has landed at Stately PartsGuy Manor, and is in the middle of some severe asskicking. I was so sick I actually took a sick day. I also proceeded to sleep 14-16 hours of the next 24.

For the first time in YEARS, I ate Campbell's chicken noodle soup.

I HATE Campbell's chicken noodle soup!


I'm here to tell you, I never thought dry toast could taste so good!!

Now, as soon as this passes, I'm gonna get me a cheeseburger!!!