So, being the semi-adventurous person I am, I decided I'd accompany my buddy's GF to WalMart for the 5-11 am sale.
This required your correspondent to be awake at the ungodly hour of 4 am. Now, the last time I was awake at 4:30 am, I'd been out most of the previous night enjoying adult beverages.
I had a specific assignment: Obtain 2 Cabbage Patch Cuddle Buddies, or whatever. Like I'm paying attention. There's chicks to scope out. Anyway, as the 5 o'clock hour approached, the small group I'd been part of expanded in numbers. I'd brought along my celly, just in case we got separated, so I wouldn't be wandering around the store with a dazed look in my eyes carrying a couple of freaking stuffed dolls.
I got to thinking while I was waiting for the signal to cut the shrinkwrap. Thoughts ran through my head like "I cannot BELIEVE I am standing in a freaking WALMART at 4 f**kin' thirty in the bloody AM, awaiting 5 o'clock to get a couple of stupid dolls!!" That, along with " I'm going to get killed, I can sense it. I'm not destined to meet my end in a fiery car accident, or by the shotgun of a jealous husband."
I'd brought along my celly, just in case we got separated, so I wouldn't be wandering around the store with a dazed look in my eyes carrying a couple of freaking stuffed dolls.I called up L and said "You realize, if I get injured doing this, I will NEVER forgive you." That got a laugh from everyone around me. Hey, I'm ok with shopping, I just wasn't too hip on the idea of having a WalMart shopping cart up my ass, is all.
I can just see waking up from THAT..
"Well, Mr. PartsGuy, we were able to remove the shopping cart from your ass. On the bright side, you shouldn't be bothered by hemorroids anytime in the next 40 years. Also, you'll probably be able to carry a bowling ball with no hands."
Yipes.
Anyway, all went well with that, as when they cut the shrinkwrap, I used height to my advantage and swooped a couple up. My task completed, I got out of there before the old ladies figured out what was up and used their canes on me.
Soon, I shall be done with the monumental task of Xmas shopping, and can go back to shopping for goodies for myself. Can't wait.
Something tells me I'll probably be in bed by 9 tonight, nap or not.
May the bluebird of happiness crap on your car.
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2 comments:
Guess you burned some extra calories. :)
I went to Sam's Club recently--it's like a Wal-Mart, but without the shelving, mostly, and some of the prices are lower. It's kind of like overstock city. Instead of buying a membership, I'll keep mooching off my friend when I need to buy something in bulk, which is rarely ever. When was the last time you had the storage space for 670 rolls of extra-pluffy toilet paper anyway?
what weight bowling ball would that be???..LOL
Four
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