So, I got home to Stately Partsguy Manor(tm) the other night, jumped out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to grab the groceries.
I walked around the back of the car, and stopped cold, then said a few bad words.
It seems someone decided to liberate the lens for the running light. Sort of a pisser. Whoever did this also TOOK THE FREAKIN BULB!!! Is there an offshoot of PETA that's fighting for the rights of red lenses everywhere??
Needless to say, I'm not happy with this. Now I've gotta scare up a lens for the damn thing.
On another note, I've been waiting for someone to suggest a Fabbo Babe of the Week, and you guys are seriously slackin. Kim Du Toit has stopped posting babe pics, due to business reasons, so the rest of us in blogdom have to take up the slack. I'm tossing around a couple possible FBW candidates, so when I've got some time to search for some pics, I'll post up.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Explanation, and a rant.
Someone asked me in a comment who UN and CDB are. I've blogged about it before, but I'll explain again. UN is Upstairs Neighbor, who I've been friends with since 9th grade, which was a long time ago. CDB is the guy who lives downstairs, and spends most of his life drunk off his ass. Hence the name CDB, for Crazy Drunk Bastard.
CDB's son is one of my best friends, which is one of the few reasons CDB is still alive. (That, and I'm WAY too pretty to go to the slammer.)
Today was one of his shining moments. I took 4 days off from the glamorous world of auto parts(cough) because it's been gorgeous out the last few days. I wanted to get some sun, catch up on some stuff around the house, and get some beauty sleep. (Most people who know me will say I need a LOT of beauty sleep.)
I got the new Partsmobile to the shop to get the brakes checked and an oil change, all is well there for the most part.
I got home, checked my email, and decided a nap was in order. Naps are good, until CDB started banging on my door asking if I had a stamp. THEN he asks if I was sleeping. Hmm. I'm home, and yet no noise is coming from my place. Either I'm in the shower, or sleeping. Either way, I don't wanna be bothered.
The icing on the cake, though, was tonight. One of our neighbors saw us standing in the backyard talking, and decided to come introduce herself. Very nice, and cute too. She mentioned she was looking for a car, so I gave her some general advice as to what to avoid, etc.
Have you ever tried explaining something while a drunk bastard stands there constantly interrupting you? Not fun, especially while fighting back the urge to yell 'SHUT THE F**K UP, YOU WORTHLESS DRUNKEN MOTHERF**KER!!!' as you've figured out the cutie next door MIGHT just take offense. Sheesh.
They say patience is a virtue. When it comes to this dipshit, I have virtually no patience.
Once the new owners of my company take over, I'm thinkin I might just look into buying a house, and then no more CDB.
Time, as always, will tell.
I humbly apologize for the language, but occasionally, it seems warranted. You'd have to meet CDB in person to get the full effect.
Lord willin and the creek don't rise, you never will.
CDB's son is one of my best friends, which is one of the few reasons CDB is still alive. (That, and I'm WAY too pretty to go to the slammer.)
Today was one of his shining moments. I took 4 days off from the glamorous world of auto parts(cough) because it's been gorgeous out the last few days. I wanted to get some sun, catch up on some stuff around the house, and get some beauty sleep. (Most people who know me will say I need a LOT of beauty sleep.)
I got the new Partsmobile to the shop to get the brakes checked and an oil change, all is well there for the most part.
I got home, checked my email, and decided a nap was in order. Naps are good, until CDB started banging on my door asking if I had a stamp. THEN he asks if I was sleeping. Hmm. I'm home, and yet no noise is coming from my place. Either I'm in the shower, or sleeping. Either way, I don't wanna be bothered.
The icing on the cake, though, was tonight. One of our neighbors saw us standing in the backyard talking, and decided to come introduce herself. Very nice, and cute too. She mentioned she was looking for a car, so I gave her some general advice as to what to avoid, etc.
Have you ever tried explaining something while a drunk bastard stands there constantly interrupting you? Not fun, especially while fighting back the urge to yell 'SHUT THE F**K UP, YOU WORTHLESS DRUNKEN MOTHERF**KER!!!' as you've figured out the cutie next door MIGHT just take offense. Sheesh.
They say patience is a virtue. When it comes to this dipshit, I have virtually no patience.
Once the new owners of my company take over, I'm thinkin I might just look into buying a house, and then no more CDB.
Time, as always, will tell.
I humbly apologize for the language, but occasionally, it seems warranted. You'd have to meet CDB in person to get the full effect.
Lord willin and the creek don't rise, you never will.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Fun little exercise.
So, UN and I got to talking while driving up to Barnes & Noble.
BTW, the people at B&N are evil, and put lots of books I want right in the front of the store. Were I to put a wishlist on my blog, it'd be B&N all the way.
But, I digress.
We got to talking about cars we'd like to have if we were to hit the lottery. "Aha!" thought I, "Great subject for a blog post!!"
So, without further ado, here's my list, in no particular order. And yes, I know it's a lightweight post, but I spent a great deal of time cleaning Stately Partsguy Manor, and doing some work around the yard. Deal.
On to the list...
1) 97-up Audi A4, preferably in black or dark green. Manual tranny, and some serious engine upgrades, about 600 hp would be nice. Kind of the automotive version of the iron fist in a velvet glove.
2)94-up Ford Crown Vic, again in black or dark green. BUT, gotta ditch the chrome grill and slap in the black one from the Police Interceptor model. Also needs 500 hp.
3) Ford GT, preferably in the Gulf color scheme(blue and orange), but black is acceptable also. Hunter green is also good.
4)98-up Ford Super Duty, in dark green. I don't want the extended cab, amazingly, the regular cab will do just fine. It'd have the Powerstroke diesel, 4 wheel drive, cruise control, and not much else. This beast would be for pulling boats, and doing honest to God WORK, not as a commuter vehicle.
5) '86 VW Scirocco, in Flash Silver, just like I used to have. No further explanation needed.
6) '90 VW Corrado, just because they're cool looking.
7) '68-up VW Transporter.
8) 90? VW Vanagon Syncro. 4wd van. Need I say more?
9) 92-up Ford 1/2 ton cargo van. This one will get a vanity plate, SPR BDRM. (inside joke, you don't wanna know.)
10) '68 Chevy Nova. 2 door, 350 V8. Good stuff.
11) VW Touraeg. I don't have much use for SUVs, but I like this one.
12) Porsche 959. Probably the ultimate version of the 911.
13) '64 Ford Thunderbolt. Yummy.
14) Audi Quattro Coupe. This one is just too awesome for words.
15) '32 Ford roadster. The ONLY hot rod I would give a testicle for.
16) '58 Chevy Impala. I lust after one.
17) '56 Olds Rocket 88. Another lusted over car.
18) '58 Pontiac Safari wagon. Yummy.
19) '86 VW GTI.
20) '88 BMW M3.
21) '90 BMW 850i. Yet another lusted after car, along with the 3 series BMWs.
Okay, I went a little overboard with the choices. I could have easily listed another 20 or so, but you get the idea.
Here's where the exercise part comes in. I want YOUR list of Lottery Win Vehicles. Work up a list and email it to me at roccoguy@yahoo.com subject: Lottery Vehicles. Or, you can leave your list in Comments. List as many as you want. You don't have to list the reasons WHY, but if you want to, go right ahead. I'll read 'em and pick a couple lists to post up. This should be fun.
And with that, I'm off to grab some horizontal therapy. Been a busy day.
BTW, the people at B&N are evil, and put lots of books I want right in the front of the store. Were I to put a wishlist on my blog, it'd be B&N all the way.
But, I digress.
We got to talking about cars we'd like to have if we were to hit the lottery. "Aha!" thought I, "Great subject for a blog post!!"
So, without further ado, here's my list, in no particular order. And yes, I know it's a lightweight post, but I spent a great deal of time cleaning Stately Partsguy Manor, and doing some work around the yard. Deal.
On to the list...
1) 97-up Audi A4, preferably in black or dark green. Manual tranny, and some serious engine upgrades, about 600 hp would be nice. Kind of the automotive version of the iron fist in a velvet glove.
2)94-up Ford Crown Vic, again in black or dark green. BUT, gotta ditch the chrome grill and slap in the black one from the Police Interceptor model. Also needs 500 hp.
3) Ford GT, preferably in the Gulf color scheme(blue and orange), but black is acceptable also. Hunter green is also good.
4)98-up Ford Super Duty, in dark green. I don't want the extended cab, amazingly, the regular cab will do just fine. It'd have the Powerstroke diesel, 4 wheel drive, cruise control, and not much else. This beast would be for pulling boats, and doing honest to God WORK, not as a commuter vehicle.
5) '86 VW Scirocco, in Flash Silver, just like I used to have. No further explanation needed.
6) '90 VW Corrado, just because they're cool looking.
7) '68-up VW Transporter.
8) 90? VW Vanagon Syncro. 4wd van. Need I say more?
9) 92-up Ford 1/2 ton cargo van. This one will get a vanity plate, SPR BDRM. (inside joke, you don't wanna know.)
10) '68 Chevy Nova. 2 door, 350 V8. Good stuff.
11) VW Touraeg. I don't have much use for SUVs, but I like this one.
12) Porsche 959. Probably the ultimate version of the 911.
13) '64 Ford Thunderbolt. Yummy.
14) Audi Quattro Coupe. This one is just too awesome for words.
15) '32 Ford roadster. The ONLY hot rod I would give a testicle for.
16) '58 Chevy Impala. I lust after one.
17) '56 Olds Rocket 88. Another lusted over car.
18) '58 Pontiac Safari wagon. Yummy.
19) '86 VW GTI.
20) '88 BMW M3.
21) '90 BMW 850i. Yet another lusted after car, along with the 3 series BMWs.
Okay, I went a little overboard with the choices. I could have easily listed another 20 or so, but you get the idea.
Here's where the exercise part comes in. I want YOUR list of Lottery Win Vehicles. Work up a list and email it to me at roccoguy@yahoo.com subject: Lottery Vehicles. Or, you can leave your list in Comments. List as many as you want. You don't have to list the reasons WHY, but if you want to, go right ahead. I'll read 'em and pick a couple lists to post up. This should be fun.
And with that, I'm off to grab some horizontal therapy. Been a busy day.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Dear Mr. Partsguy...
Here at Stately Partsguy Manor(tm), I occasionally receive emails soliciting advice.
Apparently, these people have been conned into thinking I'm some sort of genius(more or less true, but modesty prohibits me from bragging.)
So, being a kind and generous type(plus, the drugs kicked in), I figured I would answer their questions and give them the peace they seek. Generosity flows through me like a river, or something.
Ok, here's our first question, from Ms. T.B.S., out of Passaic, NJ:
Dear Mr. Partsguy,
For some reason, people seem to think that because I'm from Jersey, I must be involved with the Mob in some way. How can I convince these people that it's just not so, even though I DO have an uncle whose middle name is 'The', as in Tommy The Smasher??
Dear Ms. T.B.S.;
I honestly don't know how to answer your question. I will say, however, that I find women of Italian descent to be very sexy indeed. Send a nice picture to my email address, preferably one of you in your sexiest undergarments, and my crack research staff and I will determine ways to correct your problem. (BTW, let's keep Uncle Tommy out of the loop on this, eh? I like my kneecaps.)
Here's one from Mr. LonelyHeart, from Intercourse, PA;
Dear Mr. Partsguy, fount of knowledge;
(oh, PLEASE.- partsguy research staff)
How might I, a mere thousandth of the man you are, attract the quality babes? I'm horribly lonely, and would like a nice lady to keep me company. Thank you in advance.
Dear Mr. LonelyHeart;
I feel your pain. However, giving you all the advice you need to meet quality babes would be wrong. I WILL give you a few guidelines, as Mr Partsguy is feeling rather generous towards the human race, for a change. Remember, these are general guidelines. Your mileage may vary. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Do not remove under penalty of law. Not valid in AK, HI, and some sections of New York City. (up yours, Manhattan!!)
1) You must learn to be alone, and enjoy it immensely. Remember, much as predators can sense fear, women can sense desperately lonely men. Personally, I blame Oprah.
2) You must divest yourself of that mullet, Sparky. The 80s are GONE. As much as I'd like to, I can't blame Oprah for the mullet. Therefore, I'll blame a nation caught in the throes of rampant stupidity. Also, I blame Rosie O'Donnell.
3) Don't underestimate the power of friendly dogs and small children. Borrow a neighbor's and head for the park. If you can bribe the kid to call you 'Uncle LonelyHeart' and brag about how awesome you are, so much the better. I suggest ice cream. Dogs are also easily bribed. Two or three cheeseburgers, WHAM! You're in. Getting the dog to brag on you will not be as easily achieved, though. I would suggest breeds that are generally regarded as friendly and easygoing, however. Babes will not appreciate your efforts on their behalf if Fluffy is 130 lbs of pissed off Rottweiler, and has just chased them up a tree. They're weird like that. Again, I blame Oprah. And Rosie.
Take this advice, and add your own experience to it, and you shall find what you seek. Remember, some women are better imagined standing in front of you, removing that sweater that hugs EVERY curve ever so wonderfully, her gorgeous brown eyes watching you devour her with your eyes, then slowly, EVER so slowly, sliding those tight blue jeans over her deliciously rounded ass that puts J Lo's to shame, and then....
Oops, sorry. Got a wee bit worked up. Happens. Move on, folks, nothing to see here.
I've got space to answer one more question, this one from Izzy Cheatin, from lovely Dover, DE.
Dear Mr. Partsguy;
I'm worried that my boyfriend might be cheating on me. What can I do??
Dear Izzy;
I would suggest a competent private investigator. Any decent one will be able to find out for you very quickly, and with a minimum of fuss. Chances are, he's NOT, and is just working a lil extra OT to get you that lovely dress you've had your eye on for some time.
Of course, if he IS cheating on you, then he's a rat bastard. Personally, I blame Oprah. And Rosie. Of course, without some basic information, My research staff and I can't begin to help you. We suggest you email us a pic of you in your sexiest undergarments, this will help us to better understand. Honest. We'll respect you in the morning. We wouldn't lie to you. (unless we knew for SURE we wouldn't get caught.)
And with that, I bid you a good night, and a pleasant tomorrow.
Apparently, these people have been conned into thinking I'm some sort of genius(more or less true, but modesty prohibits me from bragging.)
So, being a kind and generous type(plus, the drugs kicked in), I figured I would answer their questions and give them the peace they seek. Generosity flows through me like a river, or something.
Ok, here's our first question, from Ms. T.B.S., out of Passaic, NJ:
Dear Mr. Partsguy,
For some reason, people seem to think that because I'm from Jersey, I must be involved with the Mob in some way. How can I convince these people that it's just not so, even though I DO have an uncle whose middle name is 'The', as in Tommy The Smasher??
Dear Ms. T.B.S.;
I honestly don't know how to answer your question. I will say, however, that I find women of Italian descent to be very sexy indeed. Send a nice picture to my email address, preferably one of you in your sexiest undergarments, and my crack research staff and I will determine ways to correct your problem. (BTW, let's keep Uncle Tommy out of the loop on this, eh? I like my kneecaps.)
Here's one from Mr. LonelyHeart, from Intercourse, PA;
Dear Mr. Partsguy, fount of knowledge;
(oh, PLEASE.- partsguy research staff)
How might I, a mere thousandth of the man you are, attract the quality babes? I'm horribly lonely, and would like a nice lady to keep me company. Thank you in advance.
Dear Mr. LonelyHeart;
I feel your pain. However, giving you all the advice you need to meet quality babes would be wrong. I WILL give you a few guidelines, as Mr Partsguy is feeling rather generous towards the human race, for a change. Remember, these are general guidelines. Your mileage may vary. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Do not remove under penalty of law. Not valid in AK, HI, and some sections of New York City. (up yours, Manhattan!!)
1) You must learn to be alone, and enjoy it immensely. Remember, much as predators can sense fear, women can sense desperately lonely men. Personally, I blame Oprah.
2) You must divest yourself of that mullet, Sparky. The 80s are GONE. As much as I'd like to, I can't blame Oprah for the mullet. Therefore, I'll blame a nation caught in the throes of rampant stupidity. Also, I blame Rosie O'Donnell.
3) Don't underestimate the power of friendly dogs and small children. Borrow a neighbor's and head for the park. If you can bribe the kid to call you 'Uncle LonelyHeart' and brag about how awesome you are, so much the better. I suggest ice cream. Dogs are also easily bribed. Two or three cheeseburgers, WHAM! You're in. Getting the dog to brag on you will not be as easily achieved, though. I would suggest breeds that are generally regarded as friendly and easygoing, however. Babes will not appreciate your efforts on their behalf if Fluffy is 130 lbs of pissed off Rottweiler, and has just chased them up a tree. They're weird like that. Again, I blame Oprah. And Rosie.
Take this advice, and add your own experience to it, and you shall find what you seek. Remember, some women are better imagined standing in front of you, removing that sweater that hugs EVERY curve ever so wonderfully, her gorgeous brown eyes watching you devour her with your eyes, then slowly, EVER so slowly, sliding those tight blue jeans over her deliciously rounded ass that puts J Lo's to shame, and then....
Oops, sorry. Got a wee bit worked up. Happens. Move on, folks, nothing to see here.
I've got space to answer one more question, this one from Izzy Cheatin, from lovely Dover, DE.
Dear Mr. Partsguy;
I'm worried that my boyfriend might be cheating on me. What can I do??
Dear Izzy;
I would suggest a competent private investigator. Any decent one will be able to find out for you very quickly, and with a minimum of fuss. Chances are, he's NOT, and is just working a lil extra OT to get you that lovely dress you've had your eye on for some time.
Of course, if he IS cheating on you, then he's a rat bastard. Personally, I blame Oprah. And Rosie. Of course, without some basic information, My research staff and I can't begin to help you. We suggest you email us a pic of you in your sexiest undergarments, this will help us to better understand. Honest. We'll respect you in the morning. We wouldn't lie to you. (unless we knew for SURE we wouldn't get caught.)
And with that, I bid you a good night, and a pleasant tomorrow.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
OK, I'm addicted.
I won the Chris-Craft model I posted about yesterday. W00t!!
I've shot past a slight addiction to full blown, I guess. There're worse things to be addicted to, so I can't complain too much. I'm going to need a freakin Uhaul truck to carry this crap around pretty soon!!
My name is Zach, and I'm a boataholic.
I've shot past a slight addiction to full blown, I guess. There're worse things to be addicted to, so I can't complain too much. I'm going to need a freakin Uhaul truck to carry this crap around pretty soon!!
My name is Zach, and I'm a boataholic.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Weekend post.
Fabbo Babe of the Week will be posted eventually. Suggestions welcomed. Post your suggestion in Comments.
I've decided I have a slight addiction. RC boats.
I received a boat I won off Ebay yesterday. I snapped this one up for a winter restoration project. It's a model of a Wellcraft, forget which model. It should be a quick resto to running condition.
So, for giggles, I was lookin on Ebay again. I figured a scale project might be cool if the right one came along. I came upon an older model of a Chris Craft. Uh Oh.
Yep. I'm high bidder. Looks like I'll have several winter projects at this rate.
If I win the Chris Craft, that'll be 7 boats in various stages of completion. Good thing I'm single, I'd be in the doghouse for sure!
After this auction, win or lose...NO MORE BOATS, I SWEAR!!*
*unless i find a really good deal*
I've decided I have a slight addiction. RC boats.
I received a boat I won off Ebay yesterday. I snapped this one up for a winter restoration project. It's a model of a Wellcraft, forget which model. It should be a quick resto to running condition.
So, for giggles, I was lookin on Ebay again. I figured a scale project might be cool if the right one came along. I came upon an older model of a Chris Craft. Uh Oh.
Yep. I'm high bidder. Looks like I'll have several winter projects at this rate.
If I win the Chris Craft, that'll be 7 boats in various stages of completion. Good thing I'm single, I'd be in the doghouse for sure!
After this auction, win or lose...NO MORE BOATS, I SWEAR!!*
*unless i find a really good deal*
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Something I've been thinking about.
I've been thinking lately about America, being an American, and stuff of that sort.
I was surfing a British website, forgot which one, and one of the pages was a satirical Q&A type of thing. One of the questions was "I'm an American, what should I do?" The guy answering went off on an anti-American rant, something about how we suck, we should be ashamed of ourselves, stuff like that.
Know what I say to that?
Suck it, pal.
Get off your dole-collecting ass and go attend a soccer riot, or something.
Meanwhile, those of us in America will be busy inventing really cool stuff.
You know, like the electric guitar, TV, computers, the '59 Coupe DeVille, stuff like that.
Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, you owe us an apology for Oasis. They suck more crap than Roto Rooter.
Anyways, where was I?
Right. Cool inventions. Stuff like, say, video games.
Granted, the PS2 was brought to us by the good people at Sony, but Microsuck came back with the X-Box.
None of which wouldn't have come about if it weren't for Pong, and the Atari 2600. How many people over say, 30 years old HAVEN'T spent time killing a few space invaders?
Many thanks to Nolan Bushnell. American, BTW.
Transportation.
A good deal of the world has access to automobiles. Before Henry Ford, American BTW, automobiles were the custom built playthings of wealthy people. Henry figured out a way to assemble autos quickly and inexpensively. Also, he figured out that if he paid his people a fairly good amount of money, they'd buy cars themselves. The man was a genius.
I have no idea how many airplanes are landing in the world at the moment I write this. What I DO know is that if it weren't for Orville & Wilbur Wright, getting places would take a wee bit longer. Airplanes sure came in handy when Americans were fighting and dying all over Europe alongside our European allies.
Meanwhile, back home in the USA, Rosie the Riveter and her compatriots were busily cranking out the airplanes, tanks, etc. that were needed to destroy the Axis powers.
Then, afterwards, Europe was rebuilt. Look up 'Marshall Plan' sometime, my smug Brit friend.
More recently, Americans have shown their generous side by donating well over 500 million dollars to Tsunami Relief efforts in Indonesia and Sri Lanka. This doesn't count the man hours donated by aid workers, or the men and women of our military.
As ever, when disaster strikes, America will assist in any way possible. We're like that.
As with any country, we've done some really stupid things. On the whole, however, we should NOT be ashamed, as America's contributions to the greater good by FAR surpass the bad.
So, for our Brit friend, I'll reiterate.
Suck it.
Signed,
A proud American partsguy.
I was surfing a British website, forgot which one, and one of the pages was a satirical Q&A type of thing. One of the questions was "I'm an American, what should I do?" The guy answering went off on an anti-American rant, something about how we suck, we should be ashamed of ourselves, stuff like that.
Know what I say to that?
Suck it, pal.
Get off your dole-collecting ass and go attend a soccer riot, or something.
Meanwhile, those of us in America will be busy inventing really cool stuff.
You know, like the electric guitar, TV, computers, the '59 Coupe DeVille, stuff like that.
Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, you owe us an apology for Oasis. They suck more crap than Roto Rooter.
Anyways, where was I?
Right. Cool inventions. Stuff like, say, video games.
Granted, the PS2 was brought to us by the good people at Sony, but Microsuck came back with the X-Box.
None of which wouldn't have come about if it weren't for Pong, and the Atari 2600. How many people over say, 30 years old HAVEN'T spent time killing a few space invaders?
Many thanks to Nolan Bushnell. American, BTW.
Transportation.
A good deal of the world has access to automobiles. Before Henry Ford, American BTW, automobiles were the custom built playthings of wealthy people. Henry figured out a way to assemble autos quickly and inexpensively. Also, he figured out that if he paid his people a fairly good amount of money, they'd buy cars themselves. The man was a genius.
I have no idea how many airplanes are landing in the world at the moment I write this. What I DO know is that if it weren't for Orville & Wilbur Wright, getting places would take a wee bit longer. Airplanes sure came in handy when Americans were fighting and dying all over Europe alongside our European allies.
Meanwhile, back home in the USA, Rosie the Riveter and her compatriots were busily cranking out the airplanes, tanks, etc. that were needed to destroy the Axis powers.
Then, afterwards, Europe was rebuilt. Look up 'Marshall Plan' sometime, my smug Brit friend.
More recently, Americans have shown their generous side by donating well over 500 million dollars to Tsunami Relief efforts in Indonesia and Sri Lanka. This doesn't count the man hours donated by aid workers, or the men and women of our military.
As ever, when disaster strikes, America will assist in any way possible. We're like that.
As with any country, we've done some really stupid things. On the whole, however, we should NOT be ashamed, as America's contributions to the greater good by FAR surpass the bad.
So, for our Brit friend, I'll reiterate.
Suck it.
Signed,
A proud American partsguy.
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