Ten things.

There used to be a website, something like "Things Skippy is not allowed to do in the Army"

Anyways, I got to thinking about things they won't let me do in MY job. I figured I'd list a few.


1) PartsGuy is NOT allowed to make jokes about the boss's mother-in-law, even if they ARE hysterically funny.

2) I am NOT authorized to fire employees.

3) I may not stack merchandise in an illogical manner and call it sculpture.

4) I am not allowed to declare jihad on other parts stores.

5) I am not allowed to refer to the employees of other parts stores as "liars, weasels, and probably Democrats", as doing so is an insult to weasels, plus they hate being mentioned in the same sentence as Democrats.

6) Not allowed to transfer District Managers to Cuba.

7) No, I cannot transfer Assistant Managers to Cuba either.

8) I am not allowed to call video stores and demand they stock up on squirrel porno.

9) I also am not allowed to speculate about the sounds squirrels would make during said movies.

10) I may not skip Sexual Harassment seminar on the basis that I already know how, I just don't do it.

11) During same seminar, when informed that dating is considered sexual activity(WTF?), I may not ask "Can I get that in writing??"

12) Calling Luke @ Central Store and saying " Luke, I AM your father" wasn't funny the first time, nor the 300th time.

13) Managers at other stores are to be addressed by their given names, not 'Scooter' or 'Two-Tone'

14) I cannot trade fellow employees to other stores for a 'player to be named later'


There's probably a lot more, but that's enough for now.